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Old 03-16-2018, 12:20 PM #1
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Default Can you be friends with....

Can you be friends with someone who has drastically different opinions, morals or values from your own?

I am an opinionated loud mouth. I will say what I believe, un-apologetically, while not ramming it down peoples throats. I'm always up for a solid debate and my friends know this about me. I have friends of different faiths, from different countries, different political views, etc and I love the diversity. I guess as an example: I am agnostic. I would NEVER tell someone their religion is wrong, but I would be open to discussion/debate/etc if the other person was too. Just because I have a strong opinion, that doesn't mean I'm right.

So what's the problem? Well a friend last night revealed that he is a homophobic white supremacist. I really like him as a person, but this made me want to puke. It directly conflicts with my own beliefs and I feel VERY strongly about it.

So where do you draw the line between being tolerant of views that don't match your own and kicking people to the curb? I'm not asking for opinions on the above specific situation. I just want to know where your limit is.
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Old 03-16-2018, 03:34 PM #2
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Default Re: Can you be friends with....

I can be friends with those that have different opinions and values.Not someone with completely different morals though.That's where I draw the line.
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Old 03-16-2018, 03:38 PM #3
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Default Re: Can you be friends with....

I have a lot of friends who have different opinions and prefer it that way.

My boyfriend has political views that are very different from mine. It is hard sometimes to live with someone who has those kinds of views. People's opinions can change over time, too - it's not static.
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Old 03-16-2018, 04:57 PM #4
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Default Re: Can you be friends with....

I know you said that you wanted opinions on "general limits" when it comes to friendships, but I have to say in regards to your situation I would ABSOLUTLEY back out of that friendship. I mean, that's my own personal opinion you know?

A person's choices and beliefs are absolutely their rights, but I draw the line when it affects me personally and it hurts my heart. In my opinion, the fact that what that friend said about being a homophobic white supremicist made you feel like puking is a good indicator of how you feel about being friends with him. What I am saying is, since you feel so STRONGLY about this issue, it will keep coming up and bugging the crap outta you if you continue a freindship with him. Like it will always be that nagging thought in the back of your mind festering as you communicate with him, you follow me?

Hope that helps my friend, good luck!
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Old 03-16-2018, 05:27 PM #5
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Default Re: Can you be friends with....

This is where I would draw the line: What is the answer to this question? Would your homophobic white supremacist friend extend the same kindness to, lets say, a gay muslim from Pakistan? or a lesbian from Nigeria? If he is only being nice to his 'own kind' and not to 'others' well..... we got a problem

While I cannot change anyone's opinion or expect them to believe or think a certain way, I do sincerely hope that people make the choice of putting their ego and personal beliefs aside and treat everyone equally.

I have my own biases as well however it is my duty, as a world citizen, to show the same amount of kindness regardless of race, color, religion, creed, sex, sexual orientation, gender identity, national origin, ancestry, age, disability, etc....
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Old 03-16-2018, 05:32 PM #6
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Default Re: Can you be friends with....

Moral values is something that I don’t compromise on. Somebody having different political views is fine. Moral values: no. Especially if someone’s moral values are discriminatory of others. People have rights to have their values and I have my rights not to associate with them.

Most certainly I am not friends with white supremacists. We choose friends. Why would I choose someone like that for a friend?
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Old 03-16-2018, 08:18 PM #7
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Default Re: Can you be friends with....

Overall it doesn't matter to me as long as that person has an open mind and is willing to admit they're wrong sometimes, within reason of the subject. I generally just don't bother with known racists/homophobes/extremely religious folks, but if I didn't know that about someone I consider a friend and I find out in casual conversation I do confront them on it. I don't expect to bend minds and know that I'm not right all of the time, I just want to know I'm being considered and someone with a closed mind won't hear you. Some of my best discussions have been with people who had opposing views on religion and politics simply because we didn't immediately shut each other out after realizing the differences.
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Old 03-16-2018, 08:49 PM #8
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Default Re: Can you be friends with....

You might want to look at it in terms of "economy costs". You can spend some time with Friend A, or you can spend some time with Friend B. You have to make a choice, one or the other. Your time IS limited. Which would you rather? What augments you? What doesnt?
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Old 03-16-2018, 08:58 PM #9
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Default Re: Can you be friends with....

Oddly, my ex told me the other day how awkward and uncomfortable a friend's grown son's switch into outwardly expressing the views of your friend made him. They live states apart and he told me he was unfollowing this fellow without a scene. Never expected to ever hear him say something like that to me, but..yeah...
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Old 03-17-2018, 01:24 AM #10
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Default Re: Can you be friends with....

That's a bit of a tough one because it personally doesn't align with any of my morals either.

If this friend is able to put aside his views and not opinionated them on you, then there might be some small chance of a friendship.
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