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Old 03-15-2018, 09:52 PM   #21
SorryShaped
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I'm suspicious of that person who approached you after yoga class. It's actually kind of rude to ask someone what they do with their friends. That's an intrusive question. It's not a normal way of making conversation. You were being put on the spot . . . and maybe that was the intention.

Don't respond to a query like that by baring your soul. This person made you feel uncomfortable. When a question feels uncomfortable to answer, that's a sign that maybe you should give a b.s. answer. Who is this person to be delving in to your private life? Seeing you at a yoga class does not entitle someone to start interrogating and analyzing you. You sound overly trusting. That can make you vulnerable to being easily hurt. That, in turn, can make you shy away from people.

An appropriate answer would have been something like: "Well, most of my friends are contacts I made while I was in prison. We're generally busy cooking up a heist or a scam." Even if you don't actually say stuff like that, thinking it will lose you up.

Your in the habit of worrying whether or not you're good enough for others. Plenty of people you pass by every day aren't good enough for you.
It's the same person that seemed upset by the prospect that I could be moving away a while back, saying "that makes me kind of sad, I'm only just getting to know you." Perhaps she wants to be friends outside of the gym? There's a positive spin? He husband is a big weather nerd and I think that's really cool.
I would be rather disgusted with myself if I did give a BS answer. My soul is always bared because my mind and heart are always open. It's part of how I get to have some of my awesome adventures. I'm yet always open to being hurt, and ergo, frequently I am hurt. But, I don't hide.
I have old acquaintances that I could be doing those prison-worthy things with and I choose to not be that person. I was lucky enough to get away with far too much. I'll not make light of it because someone might be able to link me to some things if they thought about it.
"Aren't good enough for me?" What kind of talk is that? That's exactly the sort of talk that makes one feel inferior to another. You're stating that one is better than the other. Don't do that, please, because I don't like it.
------
I'm really having to give my own support in this one and I appreciate everyones' getting me to talking myself around to the positives. I don't think I'm able yet to be the positive immediately. The next quote makes more sense every moment lately.
"You must become the change you wish to see" -- Gandhi
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Old 03-15-2018, 11:44 PM   #22
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Sorry. It so happens that there are some really awful people in the world. I don't think you're one of them. All you have to do is watch the evening news for about a week. That will give you enough examples of the horrible things that human beings are capable of. Then ask yourself if you aren't basically a pretty decent person.
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Old 03-16-2018, 12:01 AM   #23
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Well you went to yoga class - Iím proud of you 🤗
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Old 03-16-2018, 01:53 AM   #24
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I don't think it's weird for people to ask what other people do with their friends. That's a standard online dating question, and when I used to go to Meetups it was a common question as well: "So what do you do for fun?," "What do you like to do when you go out?," "What do you and your friends like to do?" It's a run of the mill, getting to know you question. That's all.
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Old 03-16-2018, 07:29 AM   #25
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I also don't have any friends or anyone that I can go off and do things with. But I do have all of you, and I see that as a plus in my life. I do know several people outside of PC, but there isn't much contact.
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Old 03-16-2018, 09:09 AM   #26
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Default Re: No friends

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rose76 View Post
Sorry. It so happens that there are some really awful people in the world. I don't think you're one of them. All you have to do is watch the evening news for about a week. That will give you enough examples of the horrible things that human beings are capable of. Then ask yourself if you aren't basically a pretty decent person.
I watch the news and I'll be in a much worse state. I got your point though. Sometimes I think I want the world cleansed, but then I think about myself and the vast changes I've made in me, and know that others could change too, if they tried.
I've been a terrible human most of my life and still do some deplorable things at times. The guilt from those things is much more punishment than that the kiss of death would provide. I carry my guilt as my own judgements but am learning to let tiny bits go at times, because I know the lesson is more important than the guilt.
If I were cleared from this world, I'd never have changed, and that would be tragic.
Perhaps some of my punishment is to suffer alone while I make better with and of myself.
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Old 03-16-2018, 04:23 PM   #27
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Perhaps moving into a new building in a familiar city will change this too. I can't wait.
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Old 03-16-2018, 10:01 PM   #28
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Plenty of rotten people have had lots of friends. So having, or not having, friends is not a reliable measure of a person's worth.

However, life is lonely without friends. Unfortunately, being able to make friends is, I think, a skill - like being able to play the piano. Some people lack the skill set, even though they may deserve friendship. It can be tragic.
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Old 03-17-2018, 07:30 AM   #29
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I don't see what is so mean about the question. Without a reason to doubt it, people assume you have several friends. And if course a normal question to ask someone is 'what do you do for fun', or assuming said friends 'What do you do with your friends'?

Someone cannot really ask 'Can I come with you guys when you and your friends are doing something fun?'.
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