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Old 03-20-2018, 11:53 AM #51
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Default Re: Pretty girl in a candy shop

Quote:
Originally Posted by scaredandconfused View Post
I'd like to weigh in here. I wouldn't care if an individual who groped me was unattractive to me, or someone who looked like Ryan Reynolds. It would still be unwanted and I would be going to the police regardless.

It's actually quite insulting that you believe women are less likely to act because the attacker is "attractive". It really does show how you perceive women, and it's not a good perception!

We are not simple minded creatures who will be merely flattered if a good looking guy attacks us. We are human beings who want our boundaries to be respected, just like any other human.

What!!

I even said that I myself, this individual right here, as a male, would also be that way. And I know I am way less sensitive for this kind of bias than the average person.

Also, this isn't even about me not respecting boundaries. That is wrong, immoral to accuse me of, and cruel. Especially to woman, and men, who get sexually assaulted but then nothing happens because the perpetrator was attractive.

This is about attractive people vs unattractive people. Not about men vs woman.

This says so much about how you view men. And I guess that is a problem here in general. Most people here are females who had very negative experienced with a big minority of men. And they come here and project that vision of men on all men here. Some of who are just as much or more a victim of romance unfairness. At least people who enter a toxic relationship did pick that specific partner themselves and had all the chances in the world to make the conscious decision to pick someone else.

Read the posts, then think, before you act outraged.


This isn't even an issue for me. I just get offended by the constant and casual stream of falsehoods that get presented as indisputable facts here, just because they are good for the peace of mind for the majority here.
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Old 03-20-2018, 11:57 AM #52
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Default Re: Pretty girl in a candy shop

Quote:
Originally Posted by Talthybius View Post
What!!

I even said that I myself, this individual right here, as a male, would also be that way. And I know I am way less sensitive for this kind of bias than the average person.

Also, this isn't even about me not respecting boundaries. That is wrong, immoral to accuse me of, and cruel. Especially to woman, and men, who get sexually assaulted but then nothing happens because the perpetrator was attractive.

This is about attractive people vs unattractive people. Not about men vs woman.

Read the posts, then think, before you act outraged.
I'm definitely not outraged. o.o I actually feel quite relaxed, and am enjoying a fine Tuesday off work.

I apologize if I misunderstood your post. I am a human after all, and we do make mistakes.

I find it interesting though, the whole "attractive" vs. "not attractive thing", because what one person may find attractive another may not. My sister, for example, is what she calls a "chubby chaser". She likes chubby/overweight men. I am not attracted to that. It's quite interesting how each person will have their preferences!
 
Old 03-20-2018, 12:00 PM #53
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Default Re: Pretty girl in a candy shop

Didn't I address that way to weasel out of this whole debate in the first sentence of my first post?

It is just not true. Look at the literature.

And why do you bring up an N=1 example. So we have one person that is likely an outlier, and you project all humanity on her? How does me saying that people in general agree on which person is attractive and which is not make it not possible for your sister to prefer what she prefers? I am baffled.

This is the problem with this site and people who want to debate. Many of you cannot have a rational argument.

Oh, and also let's note once more that this was more about awkwardness or an inappropriate setting, rather than groping or harassment. It is just natural that you judge an approach less negatively the more attractive the approacher is. Whether you as a human are aware of that or not (likely you aren't).

Last edited by Talthybius; 03-20-2018 at 12:13 PM.
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Old 03-20-2018, 12:02 PM #54
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Default Re: Pretty girl in a candy shop

I want to apologize to the OP for this thread going off the rails.

I think you handled the situation with the candy shop girl wonderfully. You asked her out, then totally respected her boundaries after she said she had a partner. What you did, many people would not have the courage to do and you handled it very well. Kudos to you!
 
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Old 03-20-2018, 12:32 PM #55
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Default Re: Pretty girl in a candy shop

Quote:
Originally Posted by scaredandconfused View Post
I'd like to weigh in here. I wouldn't care if an individual who groped me was unattractive to me, or someone who looked like Ryan Reynolds. It would still be unwanted and I would be going to the police regardless.

It's actually quite insulting that you believe women are less likely to act because the attacker is "attractive". It really does show how you perceive women, and it's not a good perception!

We are not simple minded creatures who will be merely flattered if a good looking guy attacks us. We are human beings who want our boundaries to be respected, just like any other human.
I think if we are talking about actual harassment, such as groping, crude comments, approaching at night, etc. then yhes I think it's pretty obvious that looks don't matter and women would not like it regardless of who the guy is. But it is when we are talking about things like flirting, compliments, starting a conversation, even smiling at a woman, I think that these are things that women generally don't like from unattractive guys, but are pretty ok with and even love it when it's an attractive guy. And also it's worth noting that I think it's especially true of specific types of attractive guys. I know this is something that many women will swear isn't true(and it might not be true for them personally) but I think that the "cute" teenish looking guys have a special effect on women and that women will rarely ever have a problem with those types of guys flirting with them. Here Ryan Reynolds was used as an example. Although Ryan Reynolds is a guy many women find good looking, he is actually one of the types I am talking about, so no he actually might not tend to get away with it.

But I should point out that the key word here is GENERALLY. This doesn't mean that EVERY SINGLE WOMEN will not not want an ugly guys flirting with her or would be charmed by those teenish types. And that brings us back to the original discussion. Sure it may be true that women GENERALLY don't like being chatted up at work, but that doesn't mean that this is true for EVERY SINGLE WOMAN. If you say that the OP should not even consider talking to a woman at work because women GENERALLY don't like it, then by that logic, you also think that unattractive men should never ask woman out, because GENERALLY women only want to date attractive men. I think this is why the age double standard exists btw. Yes I agree that men should use discretion and not impose themselves on women, but at the same time, never making any moves simply because there is a chance that they won't like it is not a healthy way of going a out things. I know this because that is the policy I have been following all my life and this is where it has gotten me: 30 years old and never had a girlfriend, never been on a date and my only sexual experiences were paid for.

Honestly, I think the whole backlash against men flirting with women is not really just about protecting women. I believe that humans as a collective are biologically programmed to make sure males who are evolutionarily "less fit"(unattractive, uncharismatic, incompetent, etc.) do not get to mate with women. The reason for this is that women have a limited capacity to have children, therefore if their eggs are fertilized by "unfit" males, the gene pool is less likely to thrive. All this is unconscious, so people aren't aware if what is driving their feelings. In the past, this sort of thing was enforced through "slut shaming", i.e. punishing women who are not selective about who they sleep with. But ever since the idea of women having freedom became the norm, this isn't as acceptable anymore. So now instead of shaming women for not being selecting, society elects to shame the "unfit" males who try to "pollute the gene pool".

Well, the thing is, I value myself more than I value the survival of the human race, so I have every intention of polluting the gene pool.
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Old 03-20-2018, 05:30 PM #56
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Default Re: Pretty girl in a candy shop

I agree with scaredandconfused. Yet another thread is completely hijacked and taken off the rails. it seems to be unfortunate pattern in one thread after another last few days.

OP, good job in taking mature and thoughtful approach and kudos to discussing it with your therapist. Good move
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Old 03-20-2018, 09:35 PM #57
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Default Re: Pretty girl in a candy shop

Excellent job on putting aside your social anxiety, taking the chance and asking a girl out! I am VERY PROUD OF YOU!! And you're absolutely right OP, if you don't start becoming proactive you will NEVER get a girlfriend - I will stick by my original statement that this society is becoming too "offended" at every little thing, and that the "Art of Courting Someone" IS A REAL thing, so people shouldn't pretend that its not.

Also as a sidenote, if you HATE the bias on this site SO much, maybe you should find another forum to participate on. By going off on tangents, that does nothing to help your argument, and all its going to do is make you more frustrated and hurt your overall mental health. We are all here to support each other, (even though YOU ARE INDEED RIGHT that it can be biased and unfair sometimes). But, you're on the internet buddy, and all people really do is SCREAM over each other, (but this way in text), so I wouldn't put my energy into it even further. The goal is to invest ALL your energy in improving your quality of life and taking care of yourself to help you overcome any mental illness you are dealing with. Honestly, you should find better things to do out there in the REAL world. : )
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Old 03-21-2018, 12:05 AM #58
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Default Re: Pretty girl in a candy shop

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This will be my final post on this thread as I feel that the issue has been exhausted by this point.
This thread has run its course so we're closing it.
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