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Old 09-08-2016, 04:41 PM   #1
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It has been my experience when a person with a PD or traits (and I have traits) sets boundaries it actually a cover up for avoidance and/or pushing away behavior no matter how sincere the person may be, the core reason ends up being the inability to address a difficult matter is reasonable way. And the use of the word boundary gives avoidance and push behavior a pass.

Now that said there are many reason for a person not having conflict resolution skills or not being able to simply express what they do and do not like. Those skill are taught in childhood and develop into adulthood. In fact there is an entire industry that has been built for the work place dealing with such matters.

In healthy relationships a boundary is not associated with drama or conflict. A person simply has innate boundaries that they carry with them. And it is not an even a topic of conversation.

Now this post is a very simple view on the topic i will post a few article discussing this further if there is interest. Also I hope I have not offended anyone here... And if so I apologize in advance as it has become a sore spot with me and a bit raw. I will add there also seems to be a connection or correlation of this and being able to assert yourself within a relationship as well as identity issues which of course then leads to drama.

Any comments are welcome of course - Thanks
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Old 09-08-2016, 04:43 PM   #2
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It's not for us to judge why others have the values they do. Values are what make us who we are. We have to determine what they are and how to live by them. Nobody can dictate that for us and nobody is hurt by us living by our values. It's really that simple. Values sort out what belongs to whom and where it goes.
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Old 09-08-2016, 04:53 PM   #3
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It's not for us to judge why others have the values they do. Values are what make us who we are. We have to determine what they are and how to live by them. Nobody can dictate that for us and nobody is hurt by us living by our values. It's really that simple. Values sort out what belongs to whom and where it goes.
It is an observable behavior and there for identifiable and quantifiable. Judgement and discernment are not the same things as being judgmental (which in the end is a cognitive issue). And is in this case not what it seems at all. Not a boundary set, but masked PD behavior.
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Old 09-08-2016, 06:27 PM   #4
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Boundaries are not set, they are values. That's a common mistake. They aren't for the other person, they are for us.
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Old 09-08-2016, 06:48 PM   #5
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Boundaries are not set, they are values. That's a common mistake. They aren't for the other person, they are for us.
It is a common mistake when a person is learning to set values they over-do-it and can build fortress' instead. This comes from not having expressed values in place or not knowing how to assert ones self for example. Boundaries are an expressed set of values which are learned ideally from their parents, but that is not what this thread is about. This thread is about symptoms of PD's being masked as boundaries.
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Old 09-08-2016, 06:51 PM   #6
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I've always found boundaries to be something that is never brought up until they are crossed. Like we don't know what our boundaries are, until someone has violated them. So, is someone has a PD, maybe their boundaries are just very build up around them like a fortress, and they are crossed for that person much more often than most other people feel they are crossed.
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Old 09-08-2016, 06:58 PM   #7
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I've always found boundaries to be something that is never brought up until they are crossed. Like we don't know what our boundaries are, until someone has violated them. So, is someone has a PD, maybe their boundaries are just very build up around them like a fortress, and they are crossed for that person much more often than most other people feel they are crossed.


You are describing healthy boundaries... I agree with you here
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Old 09-08-2016, 09:09 PM   #8
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It is a common mistake when a person is learning to set values they over-do-it and can build fortress' instead. This comes from not having expressed values in place or not knowing how to assert ones self for example. Boundaries are an expressed set of values which are learned ideally from their parents, but that is not what this thread is about. This thread is about symptoms of PD's being masked as boundaries.
Fortressing. You repeating what you heard last night?
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Old 09-08-2016, 09:10 PM   #9
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Nope, been reading and thinking about this for months and talking with a few ppl
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Old 09-08-2016, 09:11 PM   #10
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You are describing healthy boundaries... I agree with you here
Hmm, healthy boundaries, we can't judge what's healthy or unhealthy for another person, boundaries are a person's values and only they get to decide what they are and when they've been crossed. Its an inside job.

For example, passive aggressive posting is bad boundaries, unless passive aggressive behavior is ok with you, and then you need to find other people who are ok with passive aggressive posting.
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