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Old 06-30-2007, 12:02 AM   #1
tranquility
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Default Do you say fine when your not?

When someone asks how you are do you automatically say fine even if you feel like crap?

Don't you feel like people want/expect you to say fine. I mean if someone says how are you - do you think they are anticipating hearing about all the reasons you feel bad?

I wonder what other things we do out of habit even though it doesn't make sense?

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Old 06-30-2007, 02:03 AM   #2
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Default Re: Do you say fine when your not?

DEFINATLY.....
I either want to spare the person asking the truth,or,
I want to continue the behavior,or,
I dont think that person really cares.....so why tell the truth?
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Old 06-30-2007, 10:17 AM   #3
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Default Re: Do you say fine when your not?

The sad thing about this is no one asks me anymore. They ask how the kids are, how the guinea pig is...how the husband is doing with chemo, but not me. EEkkks, thats pretty scary!


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Old 06-30-2007, 01:17 PM   #4
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Default Re: Do you say fine when your not?

Yes, I do. And I try to really mean it and smile. Because there is always someone who is less fine than I am -- perhaps even the person who just asked.

And research shows that emotion follow thought, not vice versa. So knowing that I was strong and disciplined enough to be pleasant, and not spread my grief around the world, helps me to feel better, at least for that moment and a few moments afterward.
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Old 06-30-2007, 04:29 PM   #5
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Default Re: Do you say fine when your not?

I do just because of past reactions from people when I've told them how its really going.

I even tell my T and my pdoc fine. My pdoc told me once though she really wants to know how I'm doing its not a social question.

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Old 06-30-2007, 04:35 PM   #6
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Default Re: Do you say fine when your not?

Definetely, all the time.

One of my friends says that FINE = Freaked out, Insecure, Neurotic, and Emotional.

So now all my close friends know that when I say I'm fine, that I'm actually not.

But for everyone else, saying 'fine' works.
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Old 06-30-2007, 05:26 PM   #7
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Default Re: Do you say fine when your not?

Sure do.... it's sad but I dont think most pple really want to know, its just part of the passing greeting to say "hi, how are you?" as your walking by.... IDK.. but there are times when I can tell that the person is sincere and really wants to know and cares about how I truly am doing.... body language...
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Old 06-30-2007, 05:41 PM   #8
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Default Re: Do you say fine when your not?

"How are you" just means "hello". Most people dont really give a crap how anyone else is.

It would be kind of interesting to actually answer the question though..

.I can see me in the office now: "well, my frustration tolerance is about zero and I lost my car keys so I've been thinking about self injuring to feel better, except Im locked out of my bleeping car and thats where the stuff is to do it. How are you?"

My T actually means it when he asks but then I say fine just becasue I'm being a putz.
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Old 06-30-2007, 09:22 PM   #9
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Default Re: Do you say fine when your not?

Petulant -

LMAOROTF!!! I would love to give that response too. It's funny, when I go to my AA meetings I'm always saying i'm fine because I'm always concerned with everyone else.

A couple weeks ago I flitted around smiling saying I was fine and then when I shared in the meeting I burst into tears!

A few people came over and asked why I said I was fine when I wasn't and I said cause I didn't want to hear myself complain. But it was also because I don't feel I deserve to ask for help.

Yet when I fell apart all the help in the world was there and I felt a million times better. Now at least when I'm at a meeting I am honest about how I feel.

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Old 06-30-2007, 10:09 PM   #10
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Default Re: Do you say fine when your not?

IMO, when a married woman says FINE, means shes not and to be afraid, be very afraid Do you say fine when your not?
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