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Old 04-11-2005, 04:30 PM   #1
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Default How easily do you trust?

Trust, as I noted in General under the Newsletter #5 thread, is a difficult issue for many people. It is the foundation and basis of all of our relationships, professional and personal.

For some, trust is a given, handed out freely until the other person does something that violates our faith. But for others it must be earned in each new relationship, and built up slowly over time.

How easily do you trust others?

Does it vary according to how well or how long you've known the person? Are you the kind of person who trusts people implicitly first, until they do something wrong?? Or do you mistrust everyone initially, and only begin to trust as your friendship or relationship with that person grows?

Can you remember a time in your life where you changed from being implicitly trusting of others, to not trusting anyone? What happened that changed you??

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Old 04-11-2005, 05:13 PM   #2
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Default Re: How easily do you trust?

Ok-- here I am pushing myself to express my feelings more. How easily do you trust?

This question is a very difficult one for me. I keep people at arms length at best-- and tend to lose trust in them the closer they become. I find myself questioning their motives and sincerity. Trust is hard for me-- but am presently working on this through therapy.

I don't believe there was a time in my life where I changed from trusting others to not trusting. I think I've been this way almost my whole life, at least as far back as I can remember.

phew--- I did it!

Thanks for the question,

Mandy
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Old 04-11-2005, 07:15 PM   #3
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Default Re: How easily do you trust?

I grew up being a very trusting person (and trustworthy, btw.) The bounce-back demeanor I carried remains awesome to me now...kinda the pollyana attitude? I notice that it developed in my teen years, into the, "I trust you - and everyone - THIS much.. unless you do something to deserve more, or less, and that depends upon you..."

When my injury occurred, the PTSD immediately changed this to, "NO ONE is trustworthy." It is a daily battle, even within the relationship with my psychologist of over 15 years.

The PTSD makes me wonder, is this for real? Is this truth? Is it THEIR truth, or MY truth? How do I know it's truth at all????
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Old 04-11-2005, 08:37 PM   #4
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Default Re: How easily do you trust?

My training from childhood was to be on the lookout because people are constantly trying to take advantage of one. I've made great strides over the past 30 years in overcoming that philosophy and taking a less jaundiced view of humankind.

"Give me your child for 5 years and I'll have him for the rest of his life," Stalin said. No matter how open I try to be, I'm still a pretty tough customer. The past two years of depression and cognitive disorientation have caused me not to care as much as I used to, though. It's just not worth the effort to keep my guard up all the time. Being taken advantage of is just one more hard knock, not worth the trouble to avoid or counter.

I'm no longer comfortable in one-on-one conversations with men since I was abandoned by my mate of 15 years, the friend I'd trusted most completely in my entire life. I was completely blindsided and was the partner who didn't see it coming. I don't mind being with men as a group, but I don't know if I'll ever trust enough to allow myself to vulnerable enough to have an intimate heterosexual relationship again.
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Old 04-11-2005, 09:47 PM   #5
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Default Re: How easily do you trust?

Wow Doc John
My T would LOVE to see my post to this one. I do NOT trust anyone. As a child I trusted anyone and everyone and looked up to adults. But they ALL ended up hurting me and abusing me and things changed for me. I shut my feelings down and would never let my self trust anyone again.
It has taken my T 3 long years to get me to trust him. Now I trust him and believe in what he says something I have never done in a very long time and being 47 that is a long time.
Abuse at a early age changed that for me. I was a trusting child early. In my teens and younger life I never trusted anyone....last 3 years of Therapy have been tough because I would not let my self believe or trust anything my T had to say.
He says this is a start ...........trusting him is a stepping stone to trusting others....now for me trusting others is scarey very scarey....but I am doing it....posting my feelings here and trusting that others will not laugh at me or put me down is trusting he says so I guess he is right I am starting to branch out and trust others slowly.....very slowly....
hope this answers your questions...GREAT QUESTIONS
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Old 04-11-2005, 11:58 PM   #6
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I am very comfortable trusting almost everyone that I come in contact with.......according to the situation....for example when I worked in ER, I trusted everyone. They were sick and needed help and I trusted them as they related their symptoms to me. I work with patients, again, now and I don't trust most of them...different situation...these patients cheat..by loading up on fluid and food and it makes them very ill..they lie about it...that bothers me immensely.....I am in complete agreement with Wants about ever being able to trust another man. I was discarded after 16 years for a much younger woman and I'm not truly open to letting someone else in close.
When it comes to my family, I'm not very trusting. They've hurt me and it changed me. I hate that. But that is my reality right now.
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Old 04-12-2005, 12:24 AM   #7
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Default Re: How easily do you trust?

mostly I trust stranger without question and people with a uniform or in black like priest and judges or if they are highly educated. Or if a man is very tall and wears flannel shirts - wow I guess my trust is based on childish impressions instead of mature judgement and that is why im a sitting duck for exploitation sometimes IRL. ok thank you for this interesting asignment.
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Old 04-12-2005, 12:26 PM   #8
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Default Re: How easily do you trust?

I'm like kathyanita...naive even as my b/f would say.

You would think I'd learn by now the way I've been hurt, but nope.
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Old 04-12-2005, 02:49 PM   #9
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Default Re: How easily do you trust?

susan, the "close friend betrayal" really sucks, doesn't it? i've had that experience and it pretty much caused me to be overly vigilante when it comes to have any more close friends.....xoxo pat
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Old 04-12-2005, 04:56 PM   #10
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Default Re: How easily do you trust?

Hmmmmm, cause for pause.

No, I'm not a trusting person. But I'm deceitful about it. What I mean is, I am an open and friendly person, but only to a point. I "appear" trusting because I'm so friendly. But they never get far. My conversation is always geared toward them, I mean, about them and not me. I will just make jokes about me or my life or my situation when they try to get too personal. I've been hurt so deeply and so harshly so many times...this is the best I can do right now.

But on the upside, I've developed a loving, close, personal and trusting relationship with someone I've found to be extraordinary and special. I trust this person implicitly with everything about myself. I trust this person with my love and my whole heart. It's been a long time since I've been able to be this free with my trust issues and for this I'm eternally grateful.
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