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Old 03-23-2019, 07:44 AM #11
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Default Re: Therapy books that I知 currently reading

I think it takes courage to look at yourself, rather than being in denial about who you are and what you need to do to improve your life. I think it also takes courage to walk away from something that is not working for you. These things can both be therapy, or something else. For me therapy has been useful in confronting my childhood abuse and finding ways to move forward in my life to make it more of what I want.

On the good client, I don't think my T would put me in that category, except I show up and I pay. And I have good insurance. But I don't hesitate to tell him when I think he's gotten it wrong, I say what is on my mind without being afraid of his reaction. I also consider his responses and sometimes find a small window into which I can see how to think about something differently in a way that is useful to me, as therapy is a learning experience and an opportunity to try to be more open minded, even if I do not end up changing anything, I find the exercise interesting.

Do you want to post what books you are actually reading?
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Old 03-24-2019, 08:54 AM #12
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Default Re: Therapy books that I知 currently reading

Quote:
Originally Posted by hopealwayz View Post
This is what I wonder if I struggle with:

BEWARE THE DANGERS OF THE 敵OOD CLIENT MASK Let痴 start with the paradox right at the heart of psychotherapy: working too hard to be a 堵ood client will limit what you get out of it. If working hard means being compliant and taking in what your therapist says without question, you池e in for a long, dry, and not very productive process. Working hard could mean different things to different people. But whatever it is that you think you池e supposed to be doing in therapy, if you restrict yourself to it, your progress will certainly be limited. In fact, to make progress you may need to work harder at being a 澱ad client. Trying hard in therapy by doing only what you think you池e supposed to be doing would be like wearing a mask in your session.

Maybe I should share this with T?
The first time I read this I went yep, this is me (which it is) and I thought T would challenge it because he challenges resistance... but I got to thinking more on it... I think it would be a relief to him for me to push back against him so he knew I was strong enough to challenge him if he is wrong/something doesn稚 fit especially since I tend to be very submissive to men...

BUT... IRL... I try too hard to be the good wife, the good friend, the good mother, the good pet owner, the good employee..... so is it really untherapeutic that I carry that perfectionism and lack of inmate self worth into therapy as well? Maybe if I figure out that I can be the good enough client and T won稚 fire me (I have been fired by three T痴 and a Pdoc... so insecurity is high)... that might carry over into being a good enough employee, a good enough parent, a good enough....

So, maybe trying to be the good client isn稚 SO bad?
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Old 03-25-2019, 02:29 PM #13
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Default Re: Therapy books that I知 currently reading

Quote:
Originally Posted by Anne2.0 View Post
I think it takes courage to look at yourself, rather than being in denial about who you are and what you need to do to improve your life. I think it also takes courage to walk away from something that is not working for you. These things can both be therapy, or something else. For me therapy has been useful in confronting my childhood abuse and finding ways to move forward in my life to make it more of what I want.

On the good client, I don't think my T would put me in that category, except I show up and I pay. And I have good insurance. But I don't hesitate to tell him when I think he's gotten it wrong, I say what is on my mind without being afraid of his reaction. I also consider his responses and sometimes find a small window into which I can see how to think about something differently in a way that is useful to me, as therapy is a learning experience and an opportunity to try to be more open minded, even if I do not end up changing anything, I find the exercise interesting.

Do you want to post what books you are actually reading?
That was well said.

I also tell my T when he doesn稚 get it. Then, I look for ways to try to work with whatever is happening at the time.

Some of the books that I知 reading are:

Someone To Talk To: What really happens in therapy and how to make it work for you

Getting the most from your therapy

Making Therapy Work

How We Grow and Heal

40 Ways to Unlock Your Therapy Process

How to succeed in Therapy

I知 working on it in therapy
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Old 03-25-2019, 02:30 PM #14
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Default Re: Therapy books that I知 currently reading

Quote:
Originally Posted by Omers View Post
The first time I read this I went yep, this is me (which it is) and I thought T would challenge it because he challenges resistance... but I got to thinking more on it... I think it would be a relief to him for me to push back against him so he knew I was strong enough to challenge him if he is wrong/something doesn稚 fit especially since I tend to be very submissive to men...

BUT... IRL... I try too hard to be the good wife, the good friend, the good mother, the good pet owner, the good employee..... so is it really untherapeutic that I carry that perfectionism and lack of inmate self worth into therapy as well? Maybe if I figure out that I can be the good enough client and T won稚 fire me (I have been fired by three T痴 and a Pdoc... so insecurity is high)... that might carry over into being a good enough employee, a good enough parent, a good enough....

So, maybe trying to be the good client isn稚 SO bad?
This makes a lot of sense to me. I致e also been terminated before so that does make me more overly cautious.
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Old 03-26-2019, 07:12 AM #15
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Default Re: Therapy books that I知 currently reading

I mentioned to T yesterday that H said T was going to fire me (H is jealous of T). T actually laughed before catching himself, worrying about offending me and then checking in. T isn稚 going anywhere *happy sigh*.

Terminated by a T stinks! I had one do it because she felt I was 鍍oo broken to be able to heal as much as I thought I could. Another fired me while I was Sui because of her transference about her dad. A Pdoc fired me because her secretary kept calling the cops on me saying I was Sui when I just needed a med change. Then another T (that current T knows and respects a lot professionally) gave up on me because I couldn稚 understand what she expected of me... so yeh... after years of abuse and abandonment as a child for not being 堵ood......... then all the T痴 I was a *tad* worried with this T when we started. Oddly enough he seems to enjoy me and find my pretty easy to work with given my history. Even after I *might* have blown up his email yesterday.
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Old 03-26-2019, 07:58 AM #16
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Default Re: Therapy books that I知 currently reading

It is very painful to be terminated by a T. In a way, that leads to feelings like 努hat is so wrong with me that I can稚 heal.

My first T, also my PDOC of 8 years terminated me and I was in deep pain over it for several years.

Another T terminated me after only a few months because he was worried that I was too sui and he said he didn稚 want that to happen on his watch.

My 3rd termination was my last T. He was talking about us being friends after therapy and when I told him that I still needed to have therapy, he didn稚 listen. Actually, he wasn稚 a good therapist anyways and he told me that he found me entertaining but it felt like he was encouraging the behaviors that I wanted to change. Plus, he said his boss got on him because he didn稚 take any action when I was talking about sui.

My current T used to work with ex-T.

I知 doing much better with my current T than any others. I trust him a lot. I hope he doesn稚 give up on me.
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Old 03-26-2019, 08:01 AM #17
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Default Re: Therapy books that I知 currently reading

In the therapy relationship, people often talk about how the relationship helps with the healing.

For example, I just read the relationship you have with your therapist is far more important than the particular technique.

I want to explain that to my T but I知 not sure how to word it without it sounding odd.
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Old 03-26-2019, 08:50 AM #18
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Default Re: Therapy books that I知 currently reading

I have had some T痴 get really upset at me for wanting to talk to them about the relationship. Current T... I usually email him after each session with what helped, what didn稚 help, what stood out to me and anything I forgot. We don稚 talk about most of what I send. Both of us are really feeling crunched about how little time we have (1hr/wk) and are struggling to prioritize. He has a really full calendar and I pay out of pocket so we are trying to make it work. I *think* it is helpful to T and I *think* he appreciates me sharing even though he has never spoken of it. I know he takes what I say to heart because when I say he is doing something right he will do more of it and/or try different things that are similar.
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