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Old 02-17-2019, 12:59 PM   #31
Cheryl27
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People who have not had any trauma or any mental illness are going to throw the word victim blame more easy and that is not right. I had a counsellor and the whole organization (church) I was in used that word quite allot. It was very hard for me to feel ok getting help after I left even still today im very afraid im going to be called a victim again. I think it's something that society needs to be careful how they use it infact not use it. Every one is different we all handle trauma differently. No one has the right to label us not even therapist calling people victims. I know allot of this does not make allot of sense
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Old 02-17-2019, 01:00 PM   #32
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I also think that victim blaming is easier than accepting that bad things happen to people who have done nothing wrong. When a person causes their own misery, there is an element of control. Accepting that many elements of life are out of our control is hard for many.
Well said. This is partly the motivation behind Normalcy Bias and like you said, victim blaming and shaming.

It is far easier to believe the lies than the truth if the truth threatens to destroy our illusions.

It is also in the best interest of the Government and the healthcare system it finances, for the truth to remain unseen.
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Old 02-17-2019, 01:08 PM   #33
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It is very interesting. I wonder what it will take for a change to come about ? Will it come to the point that people will say that the mental health professions clearly have issues and won't be trusted until they address it ? I have a long term , very competent and ethical T. Aside from supporting me across the issues I have faced , he is not happy with the latest episode one iota. If it had fallen under a jurisdiction where it could have been reported , he would have done so , but it does not. I feel my other T should have reported it ( but there seems to have been Ostrich Syndrome) and I have grounds for reporting the other T. It's a complex , messy situation.
Iím so sorry Out There.

I donít think there will be meaningful change until viable alternatives are established.

Similar to the drug industry, every treatment has side effects and people who are harmed. There is obviously an acceptance that healing of the majority is worth the harm of a minority. I fall into that mindset myself, since I have no desire to report my former therapist because I believe that she IS helping many others without incident.

I donít know that I have a great solution either.
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Old 02-17-2019, 02:49 PM   #34
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. . . My story is I have my original T still , but I got retraumatized by a T I went to for EMDR while I was seeing original T. Then after that retraumatization I went to another EMDR T who was great and treated me for it and was very supportive about how bad the T was. Now I've been retraumatized by HIS boss ( you couldn't make this stuff up ). Original T is still there and is not a happy bunny. But the upshot is I will never trust another therapist or therapy again due to all that happened.
I understand feeling traumatized by a therapist, from experience, but I have little idea how to describe it. How would you describe your experience? How do you think your original T might describe it?

Wondering how to find some words for what still seems to me a pretty wordless experience.
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Old 02-17-2019, 02:53 PM   #35
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I understand feeling traumatized by a therapist, from experience, but I have little idea how to describe it. How would you describe your experience? How do you think your original T might describe it?

Wondering how to find some words for what still seems to me a pretty wordless experience.
I know you're not asking me, but I would say betrayal of the highest order.
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Old 02-17-2019, 02:55 PM   #36
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I know you're not asking me, but I would say betrayal of the highest order.

Yes. Perfect description.
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Old 02-17-2019, 03:01 PM   #37
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Maybe it will always feel like a wordless experience. If something is unspeakable , there ARE no words to describe it. The word I've been using with my T is " appalling ". But I did well with EMDR , which doesn't always need words. I've irrevocably changed now , I'm just finding the new way to be.
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Old 02-17-2019, 03:02 PM   #38
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I know you're not asking me, but I would say betrayal of the highest order.

That's another very good way of describing it.
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Old 02-17-2019, 03:41 PM   #39
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I know you're not asking me, but I would say betrayal of the highest order.
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Yes. Perfect description.
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That's another very good way of describing it.
Yes, betrayal. I have a gut and visceral sense of it, but what does that word mean in today's world? What loyalties does anyone have, or is expected to have, to anyone except themselves and perhaps their children, maybe their partner?

Appalling -- here's the first definition that came up on my search:

Quote:
causing shock or dismay; horrific.
Shock. Dismay. Horror.

Aloneness and being disregarded. Not something that social primates are wired for.

I can't find a good article about it right now, but the trauma and dissociation consultant whom I saw, and who was as haughty and disregarding of me as a person as the last T is/was, who was under her "wing" and whom she referred me to -- one good thing from the contact with her is that she mentioned polyvagal theory by Stephen Porges. It came from some pretty basic neurological research, and some basic biological research facts and experiments.

Rather than look something up now, here is the gist as I remember it. He postulates a three tiered neurological system -- the "Social Engagement System" where we are relaxed and calm and feel safe and interact with each other in love and cooperation, etc. The there is the level when we are anxious about our own survival and not engaged -- the nervous system does this automatically when we are scared -- fight or flight. And I guess for primates, fawn. Then there is the level of nearness-to-death life threat, and the response is freeze.

So the appalling betrayal, the shock and trauma, takes us out of the ability to be in the social engagement system. It's done at the highest level of the social institution that we assume -- that society generally probably assumes -- is there to help us. It leaves us alone, outside a circle of help. That, for mammals and primates, is traumatic.

But, still -- that's a lot for anyone we might try to talk to about it to try to swallow. Or care about.
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Old 02-17-2019, 04:13 PM   #40
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Aloneness and being disregarded. Not something that social primates are wired for.
Loneliness, or at least something interpreted as social isolation, has been observed in non-human primates. It might be said that aloneness is a fundamental experience of the social experience.
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