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Old 02-15-2019, 01:33 AM #1
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Hey everyone!

I have never posted on this board(or really read it either)
before but therapy is getting frustrating and I feel like I need more support to keep me going. I know quitting isnt best for me. I am not exactly working hard on it but I honestly dont know what I am supposed to do either.

I have been seeing the same T for 2 years since starting meds and having many serious episodes and attempts. We arent getting anywhere and the longer I have been going the less either of us have tried and now its like a stupid chat for an hour every 2 weeks. She will ask me if I want CBT materials or something and I will say no and she will send me an email with a link about epigenetics or narcissistic mothers(mine is one). Its just not working this way.

Just got a new Pdoc after my last attempt which sent me to a larger hospital where she took me on as a patient due to the poor care by my previous Pdoc and the extreme hopelessness I was feeling. She is amazing and I am seeing her every 3-4 weeks so far though we have only had one visit since I left the hospital.

I am trying to figure out how to make therapy be what it is supposed to be but right now I get more out of seeing my Pdoc or GP.
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Old 02-15-2019, 06:14 AM #2
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Welcome to PC. It is a really good place, with supportive and insightful people. It sounds like you are at an impasse with your T. Do you feel emotionally attached to her or would you be able to change to someone who is more psychodynamically trained to engage you more deeply?
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Old 02-15-2019, 06:19 AM #3
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Hi Tryingtobehappy5 and welcome!

I am glad you have a good pdoc, but it sounds like things aren't going well with your therapist. Would it be possible to get another one?
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Old 02-15-2019, 06:28 AM #4
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I think you should find a different therapist.
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Old 02-15-2019, 07:00 AM #5
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I wonder if it would be an idea to try a different modality? A relational model like humanistic or psychodynamic perhaps? Something less directive/prescriptive.
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Old 02-15-2019, 12:52 PM #6
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Maybe try telling you T that you feel like you've come to a plateau and is there something that you could try to get the momentum going again? HUGS Kit
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Old 02-15-2019, 08:37 PM #7
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Hey!

It's not unusual to have a stall in therapy, but if you feel like you haven't made any progress at all in two years, this is probably a really bad fit. Either the T doesn't have the training or experience to help you with what you went for, or the therapeutic alliance just isn't there.

Is there a reason you don't want to do any CBT work? It's great for her to direct you to resources but why isn't she doing this in session with you? Also, you may find with your frequency that it is hard to gain ground. Is it possible to go more often? Of course, just going more often isn't going to change things. You would want to develop specific goals you want to achieve in therapy, and your T should help you create the roadmap in reaching those goals. It is helpful to review about every four weeks whether you're on track to meet those goals. I'm a big fan of documenting, so I document my goals, the steps we're going to take to reach them, and how I'm doing getting there. I'm very visual so this helps me when I feel like I'm not doing anything in therapy. I can actually look back and say "well actually I am. Look at everything i've accomplished."

Really it sounds like you need a therapist who is willing to WORK with you, not just HANG with you. Most Ts I know say if there is no progress after six months they refer you on, because it's unethical to keep taking your money and no progress is being made. I'm not saying jump ship on her right away - take some sessions to develops some goals and plans, and then see how they unfold in the next little while before you decide to move on.

One last question - what's your motivation level like? If you're turning down her suggestions she just may not know what to do with you anymore. Working with a client where it always feels like you're pulling teeth is exhausting, and if the client isn't willing to put any effort in the T probably won't either (and should ethically terminate).

I'd have a good, long, honest talk with my T and be like "what are we doing? we need a plan".

Good luck and let us know how it goes!
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Old 02-17-2019, 01:49 AM #8
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Thanks everyone!

I think our visits are some mashup of psychodynamic and directive/prescriptive. We focus a lot on my past which basically all sucked. Humanistic sounds interesting but I dont know that I could find someone here.

I know I need to tell her. Im a super passive person when I am not hypo or manic so its hard for me. We had a big issue after I decided to go off meds last. Well I had a big issue, I sent a drunk email about going off and drinking and hoping everything would end badly and that I would see her next week and she sent this back:
Hi! Thanks for the heads up! Good luck! Given that counseling doesn’t really seem to be helping you, I am wondering if there is a point of meeting next week?

She cleared it up kind of by saying she felt like I thought she was forcing me sometimes when I said I still wanted to come. But I dont fully buy it, I was hurt by the way that was written. I think I have burnt her out.

I have been very unstable in all the time we have been working together. Basically I started therapy because the Doctors made me an appointment when I started losing it and ended up in the psych ward the first time. Before this I have been forced into therapy as a minor a few times but done the minimum and stopped. The fires are never put out now and any other progress is stomped out. Its like she expects me to come in with a plan though and I dont have one.

Im not good at homework. I cant even handle getting my kids to do theirs. They dont complain, its just a mental block or something, I honestly dont know. I need to make progress in the session not only on a paper by myself at home.

I told her that in my last ward stay they said I really should be doing some CBT or DBT so she offered to get me some resources. I have a book I bought. I dont need more print offs, I have enough from all my hospital stays lately.

I am in the middle of nowhere, there are not really much for other resources. There are a few other Ts here but not sure I would feel comfortable with any others either. (Small town, I know all of them) At least Im in Canada so it hasnt been out of my pocket but maybe I am just done.
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Bipolar 1

Meds:
Depakote 1750mg
Lamictal 100mg
Naltrexone 50mg
Seroquel 25-100mg as needed for sleep

I didn't want any flowers, I only wanted
to lie with my hands turned up and be
utterly empty. How free it is,
you have no idea how free.
- Sylvia Plath
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