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Old 01-25-2019, 07:50 AM   #1
Dnester
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I feel so crappy right now. I feel like I cant cope with one more diagnosis. Even though I know it has always been there. I feel like Im coming unhinged. The chatter is bad and Im telling it to shut up then I feel bad that I should nuture it. I have had some fleeting SI thoughts that I should just do it because somehow someone might find my trauma out now and I need to keep the chatter from telling. Whatever trauma that may be remembered. I finally get to talk to my daughter though. I dont want to ruin that but I feel myself spiraling. The whole reason I cant talk with my daughter is because I am hospitalized alot. My ex doesnt want to put my daughter through that. That is messed up. Maybe I can SH and that will be enough to help but it will have to be something major to help but not land me in the hospital.
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Old 01-25-2019, 10:37 AM   #2
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I feel so crappy right now. I feel like I cant cope with one more diagnosis. Even though I know it has always been there. I feel like Im coming unhinged. The chatter is bad and Im telling it to shut up then I feel bad that I should nuture it. I have had some fleeting SI thoughts that I should just do it because somehow someone might find my trauma out now and I need to keep the chatter from telling. Whatever trauma that may be remembered. I finally get to talk to my daughter though. I dont want to ruin that but I feel myself spiraling. The whole reason I cant talk with my daughter is because I am hospitalized alot. My ex doesnt want to put my daughter through that. That is messed up. Maybe I can SH and that will be enough to help but it will have to be something major to help but not land me in the hospital.
How old is your daughter?
As to a "new" diagnosis, when that has happened to me (and it has, many times), I use that as a tool to find out as much about it as I can, and then, going forward, assertively use that tool. For example, "I have V, so I can't do W, but I CAN and WILL do Y." Hope that helps.
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Old 01-25-2019, 11:27 AM   #3
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Hi Dnester, I'm sorry you are going through this right now. I know it's hard. Sometimes knowing the diagnosis is much worse than not knowing. But knowing the diagnosis can give you a sort of power that you can use to get better. I'm sorry that you are feeling like you need to SH. That's tough. I do that too so I know what that is like. I hope you can stay safe, but if not, I hope you don't do too much. Can you get an additional appointment from your T this week or an emergency phone call since you feel like you are spiraling? Gentle Hugs Kit
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Old 01-25-2019, 01:17 PM   #4
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I am sorry that it is so difficult to cope right now. I hope you get to see your daughter soon. As a mother, I can only imagine how hard it is to be separated from her.

I really don't think that SH is the answer. Lots of people are able to distract themselves until the feeling passes. IME feelings don't last forever, nor do urges. What things can you use to help keep you distracted?
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Old 01-25-2019, 01:31 PM   #5
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Hasn't your therapist suggested you call her? Why don't you try that?

About the diagnoses, maybe they can be consolidated.
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Old 01-25-2019, 04:53 PM   #6
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How old is your daughter?
As to a "new" diagnosis, when that has happened to me (and it has, many times), I use that as a tool to find out as much about it as I can, and then, going forward, assertively use that tool. For example, "I have V, so I can't do W, but I CAN and WILL do Y." Hope that helps.
My daughter is 15 and I have only seen her six times in past five years.
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Old 01-25-2019, 04:58 PM   #7
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Hi Dnester, I'm sorry you are going through this right now. I know it's hard. Sometimes knowing the diagnosis is much worse than not knowing. But knowing the diagnosis can give you a sort of power that you can use to get better. I'm sorry that you are feeling like you need to SH. That's tough. I do that too so I know what that is like. I hope you can stay safe, but if not, I hope you don't do too much. Can you get an additional appointment from your T this week or an emergency phone call since you feel like you are spiraling? Gentle Hugs Kit
I emailed her she didnt say much helpful.
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Old 01-26-2019, 01:28 PM   #8
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I emailed her she didnt say much helpful.
I'm sorry you didn't find her email helpful. Didn't you mention this was the pattern recently? That you email her telling her you want to SH, she replies and you don't find it helpful - you don't feel like she cares? So then you SH?
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Old 01-26-2019, 03:18 PM   #9
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Yes but its a little more than that now. Its not about her caring right now. Its about the fact I cant cope with this new diagnosis. I dont understand it. She says her opinion is I am DID but I dont experience alters and she said that I am not like Sybil. So how can I be DID and not be like Sybil? One morning recently about 3 oclock I woke up with bad heartburn. I said to myself we need to go get some water ( my dad does not keep milk and I am anti heartburn meds because of all the side effects on tv recently) I have some unusual self talk as well. So she thinks I have parts but they arent that strong. I mentioned to her I felt SI but not really bad just fleeting thoughts and she said SI is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. I was like wow thats all you have to say. Didnt help me through anything. Like talk about why I had those thoughts. On the plus side I talked to my mother about the diagnosis and she was supportive. Gave no mention of whether she thought it was true or not but as supportive as I can expect from my mother.
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Old 01-26-2019, 03:32 PM   #10
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Well, first off, please do not use the depiction of Sybil as your model of DID.

Secondly, milk will make heartburn worse, not better.

Finally, your description of parts that aren't strong makes me confused about your DID diagnosis. To have DID, you have to have "The existence of two or more distinct identities (or “personality states”). The distinct identities are accompanied by changes in behavior, memory and thinking. The signs and symptoms may be observed by others or reported by the individual."

That doesn't seem to fit you. My understanding is that people who have "weak parts," as you put it, are diagnosed with Other Specified Dissociative Disorder or Unspecified Dissociative Disorder, not DID. So I'm confused about why your therapist and the former psychologist diagnosed you with DID, when you don't have distinct personality states apparent to you or to your therapist. Are you sure it was DID and not OSDD/UDD/DD NOS you were diagnosed with? I seem to recall you saying something about DD NOS in the past.
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