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Old 01-18-2019, 02:41 PM   #31
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Default Re: Therapist not smiling

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Some of the responses are rather passionate, too, aren't they?
They are, but yours are vintage. Ascerbic and misplaced, classic 2005 keyboard rage. Ahhh, memories.
 
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Old 01-18-2019, 02:46 PM   #32
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Default Re: Therapist not smiling

In what way is what I'm saying vintage? Because I'm probably younger than you are. What are you? In your 50's and going to the barbershop to cover your gray hair? Because I'm in my 20's, you ignorant old chap. Watch what you say.

And who gives a flying f**k if their grandchild, child, family member, et cetera is sick? Whoever who is sick has a family member with them. Especially so with the grandbaby. Just because it's a baby, people rush into care for it. What's so g0dd@mn special about babies that the entire world has to rush into caring for them anytime and every time and that they are so adorable when really, all they do is eat, sh !t sleep, and cry like a useless individual that contributes nothing in return? And anyone who doesn't find babies adorable has got serious issues?

I scoff at your notion of emotional support. Emotional support? Grow up. Man up. Grow a sac. Some children have no parents. Have no one. Have no "emotional support." Some children are abused daily, left to clean up their wounds on their own, or die like worthless sh!ts. Even literal, physical sh !t excreted from the human body and animals are tended to, cared for, get used for good purposes, or properly and dedicatedly disposed of. And there some of you are, already having support, and wanting more support. What greedy, selfish, and self-centered individuals. The sun doesn't revolve around you.
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Old 01-18-2019, 02:51 PM   #33
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Default Re: Therapist not smiling

To be fair, you don't know that it's the baby who's sick. It might be, or maybe the whole family's down with the flu, or maybe some other family member is dying, who knows.

Whatever her reasons are, the result (it seems to me) is that you're hurt because you're not her first priority in the situation and it brings up a lot of old anger about what you feel you missed out on in the past. I think that's a natural reaction, but it's more about whatever's in the past than about what she's actually doing now. So talking to her about it sounds potentially useful.
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Old 01-18-2019, 02:53 PM   #34
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Default Re: Therapist not smiling

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I like how you put it. I agree with you that some people think that therapists should always look positive or neutral and that she shouldn't have expressed her frustration. I disagree with this. Like you, I think it was a good thing because it just makes the process so much more human. And it's an opportunity for us to work through something negative with a positive outcome. Of course the ideal would be for her not to feel frustrated during the process, but she's only human. Shows that she's human. Perfection isn't always good.

One thing that bugs me is that she didn't make the connection that maybe she didn't wave or smile because she's frustrated. I feel safer if my therapist is self-aware.

And I don't see the connection of her being open and sharing that she's frustrated implies that I'm important to her. Could be the other way around, too.
I can fully understand both the apprehension and projection that comes from the uncertainty about the relationship. I'm drowning in it right this moment in my own way with my T. There's something about deciding what to do that is a risk that is so hard to take. Investing in the wrong thinking is another opportunity to prove you can't trust yourself off anyone else... Or in the flip side, it could be that one time where you've thrown out all the trash, trusted your instincts, and stand to gain an internal healing you didn't think you were capable of. How we feel about someone else and the details about how we value that relationship isn't really affected by anything they do, don't do, say, or don't say if we can just trust ourselves.
I hope you find your trust inside.
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Old 01-18-2019, 02:54 PM   #35
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Default Re: Therapist not smiling

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In what way is what I'm saying vintage? Because I'm probably younger than you are. What are you? In your 50's and going to the barbershop to cover your gray hair? Because I'm in my 20's, you ignorant old chap. Watch what you say.
I like you.
 
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Old 01-18-2019, 02:56 PM   #36
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Default Re: Therapist not smiling

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Originally Posted by mindmechanic View Post
In what way is what I'm saying vintage? Because I'm probably younger than you are. What are you? In your 50's and going to the barbershop to cover your gray hair? Because I'm in my 20's, you ignorant old chap. Watch what you say.

And who gives a flying f**k if their grandchild, child, family member, et cetera is sick? Whoever who is sick has a family member with them. Especially so with the grandbaby. Just because it's a baby, people rush into care for it. What's so g0dd@mn special about babies that the entire world has to rush into caring for them anytime and every time and that they are so adorable when really, all they do is eat, sh !t sleep, and cry like a useless individual that contributes nothing in return? And anyone who doesn't find babies adorable has got serious issues?

I scoff at your notion of emotional support. Emotional support? Grow up. Man up. Grow a sac. Some children have no parents. Have no one. Have no "emotional support." Some children are abused daily, left to clean up their wounds on their own, or die like worthless sh!ts. Even literal, physical sh !t excreted from the human body and animals are tended to, cared for, get used for good purposes, or properly and dedicatedly disposed of. And there some of you are, already having support, and wanting more support. What greedy, selfish, and self-centered individuals. The sun doesn't revolve around you.
I don't know why, but I'm feeling everything you're saying. I'm hoping you get what you want.
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Old 01-18-2019, 02:56 PM   #37
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Default Re: Therapist not smiling

@Salmon77: I put all my life savings down and bet you it's the baby who's sick.
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Old 01-18-2019, 03:03 PM   #38
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Default Re: Therapist not smiling

Okay, so say it's the baby. Your T will do whatever she decides to do; she has decided that helping out with the baby is her priority in this situation. You can argue with her decision all day long, but you're probably wasting your time and energy. What I think might be worthwhile is trying to figure out how to handle it when you're not her #1 priority all the time, without blowing up the whole relationship.
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Old 01-18-2019, 03:05 PM   #39
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Default Re: Therapist not smiling

@Nemo1934: The establishment of trust is mutual, though. Not very promising and too risky and pointless if I'm met with frustration the next session. And while it's okay for her to be imperfect and not smile, I would hope that after some time has passed, she can regain control of it. I agree with you that therapists can't always wear a smile. I'm glad that she could be authentic like this. And I agree with you that it's an opportunity to make a negative experience into a positive outcome of growth and a deeper relationship and bring forth healing. I don't really mind if she's frustrated for one session.

But it'll be worrying if she's still frustrated the next session. Because it would mean that this therapist, while she's human and imperfect, can't get in control of her emotions as a professional. And I would hope that we can make the conversation human instead of psychologizing everything and anything that I say or do. That's put a blockade on my speech. Literally. Like how I gave the example about the store and something deviating from the norm. And she psychologized it and said that I see her like a store. Wtf. It's only an example.
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Old 01-18-2019, 03:07 PM   #40
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@Salmon77: I don't think there's anything to figure out. Sometimes the problem of our struggle comes from the difficulty of accepting the reality that some people are just worthless. Having trouble accepting that is why this feels like torture to me.
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