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Old 01-15-2019, 09:03 AM   #11
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Default Re: Object constancy?

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Originally Posted by Xynesthesia View Post
What is interesting is that many people get just attached to the “bad object” as the “good” one, or even more... Crave constancy and all. I find that a very intriguing aspect of human nature and it is definitely not only in therapy.
Interesting observation. I think for me it's because I don't have constancy within myself? So I want to attached to something stable -- one way or the other -- outside of me? That would be consistent, maybe, with the diagnosis I got 8 years ago of DDNOS. I'm doing some better, but it still a long "heal", maybe. But it may be a more universal phenomenon -- people don't like uncertainty?

Sorry if this seems like a hijack, Lrad. Please let me know if it feels like that to you, or any other negative reactions you have.
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Old 01-15-2019, 07:12 PM   #12
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Default Re: Object constancy?

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Originally Posted by Lrad123 View Post
Yes, my thoughts are inconsistent which is what is so incredibly maddening. If I want to put a label on it, I guess it would be fearful avoidant attachment. I really want the feeling of closeness, but I also feel a big distrust of it and want to get the hell away. It makes no sense, but it’s the way I feel. I have made a pact with myself to show up, no matter what, so I will very likely go despite the strong pull to back off. I can’t wait for this nonsensical process to stop.
It does sound like object constancy, which is more of an evocative memory and developmental rather than something that you can do at will. Food and smell memories are another evocative type of memory; they are more powerful than other types of memories.

Winnicott described how children use transitional objects to help tolerate negative affects until this evocative memory is established (around age 2). TOs link the more primitive episodic memory to the developing evocative memory acting as a bridge while it's in development. Maybe you could try that-if you don't want to ask for a transition object, which you might not want to do at this point, you can try a voicemail or business card.

My T recently started ending the sessions differently-where he'll look at me longer and say something kind of nurturing, which reinforces his presence before I leave. Before he started being more supportive like this, when he was more blank slate-ish, I often felt anxious and unsettled.

I think if you go twice a week, there is often a repair-rupture dynamic where you feel frustrated or angry or unsettled or anxious, then reunite the next session for repair.

It is a very real thing-think of how people say "you'll always be a part of me" and "you'll always have a special place in my heart" etc. Introjection is a related concept.

Adding that I wrote this before I read your second reply so don't know if it really applies but leaving it up if you wanted to read.

Last edited by octoberful; 01-15-2019 at 07:27 PM..
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