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Old 02-17-2019, 06:44 AM   #691
nottrustin
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Thank you, for the first time in a long time I feel optimistic. I do believe I can get to a place where my past no longer haunts me. I know it will be a lot of work but think we can do it. Just continue to be patient with me.
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Old 02-17-2019, 06:50 AM   #692
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It's so hard to hold on to things going well, when things fall apart again on a regular basis.
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Old 02-17-2019, 07:00 AM   #693
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LostOnTheTrail View Post
It's so hard to hold on to things going well, when things fall apart again on a regular basis.
That is so true.
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Old 02-17-2019, 08:57 AM   #694
LonesomeTonight
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Dear T,
I'd be too embarrassed to tell you this in real life. I saw that two unidentified men died in a car crash near one of our area airports early yesterday morning. I knew you were traveling yesterday (though not which airport) and was worried it could have been you (like with your brother maybe?) Even though it would have been the wrong direction from the airport. But I still worried. I found another article about the crash that gave a description of the two men and am pretty sure neither is you. I suppose it's possible that you have a large tattoo of a particular creature across your chest (though I somehow doubt it!), but you certainly don't look under 25 (no offense!), as they both did. I hate my brain sometimes...
Love you,
LT
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Old 02-17-2019, 10:06 AM   #695
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I'm tempted to email and ask if I can have my tuesday slot back. Maybe we could have delayed it by 20 mins. But I don't want to break my 10 day streak if I'm being honest.
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Old 02-17-2019, 10:55 AM   #696
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It took me fourteen months to trust you, to trust that you weren't going to just terminate me because you felt like it. Last session you told me you almost terminated me last fall because I took so many trips last year.

Why would you say that? Why would you tell me that when I JUST started to trust you in the last three months? Now I feel like I"m back to walking on eggshells with you. I really wish you had just kept that to yourself. No good came from it.
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Old 02-17-2019, 01:00 PM   #697
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I am afraid of all of this. I am terrified to still work, I can't do that anymore. I am terrified to do nothing. I want to try to relax and get rid of all of this anxiety that has built up.
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Old 02-17-2019, 01:19 PM   #698
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Default Re: Dear T:I Really Need to Tell you Something... Part XXXVIII

I don't want you to go on holiday. Again.
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Old 02-17-2019, 02:00 PM   #699
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When you terminated me for being too sick- I understood. You told me it wasnt my fault, that you just werent equipt to deal with my condition should it worsen or I stop my medication again. I understood.

But it still hurt. I understand. But I still feel like... this just proved that Im an awful lost cause in some ways.

I didnt ask for much. I dont ever ask for much. But my illness takes. And this was just proof that- my illness also destroys. And that I really wish I didnt have to understand.
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Old 02-17-2019, 02:20 PM   #700
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I'm reading my old journal from this time last year. I'm glad I've kept my writings, but I literally sound deranged and I can't believe some of the things I've said to you...

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