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Old 01-14-2019, 08:39 AM   #21
LonesomeTonight
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Default Re: What does the therapist mean by this?

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LT

Not really too on topic for OP's post but I had to comment that when my dog died and I told him I hadn't eaten in days he was casually like "that's ok" I thought it was weird that he didn't seem concerned by that.... but in general I think T's are concerned for clients in the sense that they want them to feel well and succeed and not do any harm to themselves etc. Wether or not they say it, it's kind of a thing they just have

Maybe your T was trying to normalize it, like, "that's common in grief." And I agree that T's are generally concerned about their clients, even if they don't directly express it to them.
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Old 01-14-2019, 11:19 AM   #22
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I don't see this as getting personal at all. It is not a reflection on any kind of relationship you have; certainly, it is no indication of any lines being crossed professionally. It is merely a indication of professional concern regarding your mental health. It could be that your therapist is observing a decline or deterioration. It could be your therapist is observing you might be at a point of danger to yourself. What it IS is an indication your therapist wants you to take serious notice of whatever situation in your life is the source of their concern. What this IS is your therapist telling you that some immediate action is required to help you and/or prevent a serious situation from developing.

So no, this has nothing to do with your therapsit crossing the line from professional relationship to personal. It is entirely an indication that they are in fact acting professionally out of concern for you.
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Old 01-14-2019, 12:19 PM   #23
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I don't need the therapist to tell me that not bathing for a week is bad. I think most people, unless they are suffering from psychosis or perhaps autism, are aware of that.
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Old 01-14-2019, 01:11 PM   #24
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She may not be saying itís bad but that it just indicates other things are going on for you internally that may be painful or difficult for you
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Old 01-14-2019, 01:18 PM   #25
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Yeah, I just meant emotionally, things are going badly.
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Old 01-14-2019, 01:40 PM   #26
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Former T used to say to me, "I'm concerned about you." I used to shrug it off because that phrase means little to me. I don't understand it. When she ended up explaining that it's more than her being worried about me, then I used to take notice. For me, it was my T's way of saying, "I'm seeing a red flag, I want to make sure you're okay." Then once I understood that, I would look at what she was commenting on and see if it made sense that yeah, it was a problem, or no she was worried for no reason. I think in your situation, it might be the same that your T was seeing something that she thought was a "red" flag and wanted to comment on it that she noticed something is "off". HUGS if you want them. Kit.
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Old 01-15-2019, 08:45 AM   #27
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Default Re: What does the therapist mean by this?

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I don't need the therapist to tell me that not bathing for a week is bad. I think most people, unless they are suffering from psychosis or perhaps autism, are aware of that.
It seems like you are perfectly capable of telling her that, although I think there's a big difference between expressing concern and stating that not bathing for a week is bad. She said the first, not the later, but she may find it useful to understand your interpretation, and maybe you will feel better for having articulated it.

Isn't she recognizing what you yourself said, that things are emotionally bad for you right now? That is my interpretation of her being concerned, although I would probably have a tough time if things were emotionally off the rails. I hope it gets better for you soon, with or without the therapist saying or not saying certain things.
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Old 01-15-2019, 10:14 AM   #28
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Thank you, Anne, I appreciate that. I agree that the therapist was responding to the text. What you quoted was my response to people saying the therapist was trying to make me/C aware I am exhibiting signs of decline. That didn't make sense to me since the sign of decline was indicated by the text originating from C. So she wouldn't have needed to clue us in.
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Old 01-19-2019, 05:27 PM   #29
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I guess I just don't understand why she said it because if I'm worried about somebody, that's not how I express myself.
Would you care to share what you would say instead? I'm looking to compare what would be different. You seem to use language very well, so it seems strange to me that what sounds like pretty standard expressions would somehow trouble you. You might be over-thinking a bit. Pardon me for saying that. I've often been told that I over-think things, and being told that was never helpful to me. But it just strikes me that you may be doing that.

When someone thinks heavy on what has been said, I think it's an attempt to know more than you can know. It takes time (like, maybe, years even) to really know what another person thinks about you, and that includes therapists. Also, it takes the therapist time to come to know who you are and what their opinion of who you are is. You might be trying to rush that.

I haven't yet read every post above, but I will. Saying "I'm concerned about you." seems pretty straight-forward to me. You reported a classic symptom of depression that is fairly serious. So the T was saying, "It sounds like you're not doing well and - more significantly - you're not on a path toward doing better. That is concerning.

A program of recovery doesn't produce immediate contentment with life. But going in a positive direction tends to manifest as a change in habits of daily living. I'm not into daily showering, even when I'm feeling well . . . but for me, like for most people, a week of not showering/bathing would mean I'm caught in the grips of a downturn that is really defeating me.

Here's what's concerning. If you're not showering this week, what won't you be doing next week? Maybe, next week, eating won't seem to matter. What matters is the trajectory. Going days without a shower is unlikely to hurt you, but losing interest in self-care does eventually become dangerous. That's what is concerning.
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Old 01-19-2019, 06:33 PM   #30
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Default Re: What does the therapist mean by this?

When I am concerned about someone, I just say other stuff. My sister also has mental health issues, and if she texted me that she hadn't showered in 6 days, I would inquire as to why and more importantly, when her next appointment with the psychiatrist was scheduled.

I don't think anyone ever really knows anyone else. Regardless, the therapist is not a new person to me.

I'm not sure I'm overthinking so much as trying to understand. It's not that I've never heard the expression before, but it didn't really mean anything to me then, either.

I talk to very few people. I text with my sister some. I write stuff on this forum. I occasionally have brief interactions with my roommate. I infrequently have to chat with the parents. I don't have a whole lot of experience with people saying things to me.
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