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Old 01-12-2019, 07:46 PM   #51
ScarletPimpernel
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Default Re: Questions for new part-time T

Here are the questions I have so far:
1. Backup therapist?
2. Out of session contact? Both email updates and crisis plan
3. Plans for maternity leave?
4. Hugs?
5. Attachment
6. Sliding scale
7. Scheduling
8. How do you feel about working with BPD?

Any other questions/topics you can think of?
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Old 01-12-2019, 08:07 PM   #52
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Default Re: Questions for new part-time T

Quote:
Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel View Post
Here are the questions I have so far:
1. Backup therapist?
2. Out of session contact? Both email updates and crisis plan
3. Plans for maternity leave?
4. Hugs?
5. Attachment
6. Sliding scale
7. Scheduling
8. How do you feel about working with BPD?

Any other questions/topics you can think of?

--Extra/emergency sessions possible? (and is she willing to meet weekly?)

--Willing to have joint meeting with you and your current T before she goes on leave?
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Old 01-12-2019, 08:16 PM   #53
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Default Re: Questions for new part-time T

Quote:
Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight View Post
--Extra/emergency sessions possible? (and is she willing to meet weekly?)

--Willing to have joint meeting with you and your current T before she goes on leave?
Thanks! I'll definitely include those.
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Old 01-15-2019, 12:29 AM   #54
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Default Re: Questions for new part-time T

T and I discussed these questions. She said they're all good and couldn't think of anything more.

We talked about a dual session, and she said she prefers to do it in person. She said she doesn't care whether we meet at the other T's office or hers.
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Old 01-17-2019, 05:07 AM   #55
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Default Re: Questions for new part-time T

So...it went extremely well! I can definitely see myself getting attached to her I so don't want that though even though I know T does. It feels wrong. It still feels like I'm cheating on T. I still don't understand how and why T is okay with this. It feels like she's pushing me onto someone else...so she doesn't have to deal with me anymore.

So summary of all L and I talked about: She is possibly willing to be a back-up therapist. She's going to talk to T about it some more before she makes a decision. Only issue might be that she doesn't know if she's going to be staying in the area for long. She said at least a year. She said dual sessions before and after are okay with her. She'll allow me the same out of session contact as T, and we'll have the same crisis plan too. She is not planning on taking a maternity leave any time soon She's okay with hugs. She's okay with talking about attachment and is okay if I do get attached to her and from what she said, I think she wants that. We'll start out weekly, and then maybe tapper down to every other week. She likes working with people with BPD and has experience as well. She prefers transparency and will be 100% honest with me. We talked about each of my dogs, abandonment, H, past cutting and suicidal attempts, what does my suicidal ideation look like, what I live for, and goals. She seemed to "get" me. I think she might just be smarter than me and maybe outwit me. That's a good thing. She said I don't need to be the perfect client, that she understands the push and pull, she understands if I don't like her and want to hate her. I didn't really talk to her about ex-T, but I'm not even sure if that's necessary. Just everything seemed right. One thing I like is that her facial expressions remind me of ex-Pdoc. She's actually younger than I though she was, but no I didn't ask her age. I told her that she needs to practice telling me no to things because when she asked me if I wanted to fill out the consent forms, I said no and she did it for me. T would have made me fill it out.
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Old 01-17-2019, 06:52 AM   #56
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Default Re: Questions for new part-time T

Quote:
Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel View Post
So...it went extremely well! I can definitely see myself getting attached to her I so don't want that though even though I know T does. It feels wrong. It still feels like I'm cheating on T. I still don't understand how and why T is okay with this. It feels like she's pushing me onto someone else...so she doesn't have to deal with me anymore.
I am happy for you that it went so well, everything you said sounds like a great fit, no matter how long you work with her.

As a thought on the "why is T okay with this", maybe reflecting your beliefs about relationships would lead to some increased understanding. I wonder if you grew up where people considered other people as possessions, and that if I had her as my __ , then you couldn't. Sometimes i think this happens kind of naturally in childhood homes where there is a lot of emotional neglect, so connection with people seems like a resource that's scarce.

My interpretation of your T is that she subscribes to the "if you love something let it go." Why wouldn't she want you to connect and heal with another therapist, whether she isn't available or otherwise? She doesn't want to possess you. She wants you to feel better and struggle less. There was a time in my therapy a few years ago that I was really struggling with something and saw another T for a single consultation without discussion with my T. I told him afterwards and talked about why, but he wasn't defensive in the least and had no issues with what I did and said I could go to anyone I wanted whenever I wanted and didn't need to say anything to him. Your belief that she wants to get rid of you, that's your past talking. Try listening to your present.
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Old 01-17-2019, 11:13 AM   #57
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Default Re: Questions for new part-time T

Quote:
Originally Posted by Anne2.0 View Post
Sometimes i think this happens kind of naturally in childhood homes where there is a lot of emotional neglect, so connection with people seems like a resource that's scarce.
This! This resonates the most with me. Though I'm not sure that I grew up with people thinking other people are possessions. My parents didn't treat each other that way. In the end, my dad used my mom for sex and my mom used my dad for money, but I don't think that that contributed to my possessiveness of T. Plus, when I think of the word possessiveness, I think of "hoarding" a person. I absolutely do not "hoard" my T. I know she has other clients and a life outside therapy.

"If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, its yours forever. If it doesn’t, then it was never meant to be."

"When you like a flower, you just pluck it. But when you love a flower, you water it daily."

I love my T. I have actually given her several times to terminate with me. I have used the phrase "to be free of me". I truly want her to be happy even if that means without me. Like her baby: it's affecting our relationship, however, I have no ill will towards it. I'm really happy for her. It might give me pain (abandonment and infertility issues), but that doesn't mean she has to be miserable for me to be happy.

As far as T not wanting to possess me, that makes sense. Maybe she is following the idea of either of those quotes.
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Old 01-17-2019, 11:15 AM   #58
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Default Re: Questions for new part-time T

T's response:
Quote:
Hi Scarlet,
I'm glad it all went well with L. It makes me feel good that you will be in good hands while I'm gone. And that is a funny coincidence! Don't worry, you aren't losing me totally, it's just a period of time and I'll be back. Take care and I'll explain why I'm ok with you attaching to two people when we meet!
T
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Old 01-17-2019, 11:18 AM   #59
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Default Re: Questions for new part-time T

Totally off topic: I just realized something last night. I never told L about me trying to lose weight. If I can keep up this diet, I might look like a different person come March. And same with T after she comes back from her leave. That will be interesting to see how they react.
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Old 01-18-2019, 08:38 AM   #60
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This is heartening.
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