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Old 01-05-2019, 10:42 AM   #21
ScarletPimpernel
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Default Re: Questions for new part-time T

He does have his PhD. That could explain the four degrees especially if he got his AA.

He looks young too, not just that he graduated 2-3 years ago.

True that I might not feel as guilty about attaching to him since he's a different gender than T. My fear with attaching to a man is I might confuse attachment with attraction. Not physical, but emotional. It will basically be the second time I've had a male T. First one was a DBT group T. He was young too, and not skilled. But he was nice. I had one individual session with him, and it was good.

T and ex-T are/was close to my age. Ex-T was a year younger and T is a few years older than me. I also like having someone closer to my age. But this T seems to be in his late 20's

There is one other thing that might be a good thing. He says he helps with religious and spiritual problems. I'm hoping that applies to non-christian people. He does state that he's Christian. I don't want to be converted back. But if he can help me come to terms with my beliefs, that could be a blessing in disguise.

I know I'm nitpicking him. And I know it's because I don't want another T. But his modalities are almost perfect for me and he does treat BPD. You're right that he might be more enthusiastic and up to date (though my T is continually taking classes to be up to date as well. He is a different gender than T which might be a good thing.

I'll just have to see how he responds and go from there. If he has availability and is willing to see me, I'll ask more questions.
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Old 01-05-2019, 10:51 AM   #22
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Default Re: Questions for new part-time T

SorryOozit,
I don't find your posts supportive. You clearly don't care about the problem I stated in the beginning. And I feel you're being rude and judgemental.

I look up everyone I meet in a professional capacity: pcp, Pdoc, Ts, hair dresser. A lot of people, especially on this forum, do. It's not a sin; it's public information. I tell them I've looked them up and try to help them block information if that is something they want (one T didn't care). I just want to see how they live their lives. It tells me more about who they are as a person. For example: it makes me feel safer knowing this new T is married. Or that he's a dog lover so we have something in common.
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Old 01-05-2019, 01:46 PM   #23
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Default Re: Questions for new part-time T

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SorryOozit,

I don't find your posts supportive. You clearly don't care about the problem I stated in the beginning. And I feel you're being rude and judgemental.



I look up everyone I meet in a professional capacity: pcp, Pdoc, Ts, hair dresser. A lot of people, especially on this forum, do. It's not a sin; it's public information. I tell them I've looked them up and try to help them block information if that is something they want (one T didn't care). I just want to see how they live their lives. It tells me more about who they are as a person. For example: it makes me feel safer knowing this new T is married. Or that he's a dog lover so we have something in common.
It wasn't the nicest way to put it, but I imagine he's trying to point out that it's concerning because boundaries are already blurry and you haven't even met him
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Old 01-06-2019, 08:41 PM   #24
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Default Re: Questions for new part-time T

I think itís perfectly fine to look up persons credentials and go on their professional website. I think looking up their professional FB page is fine too. Looking up if they are married is fine too as itís important. But Iíd refrain from going on guyís wifeís Facebook page. She isnít your therapist so Iíd avoid that.

Also if you really donít want to get attached, maybe staying off his personal life like his wifeís page could help you to not develop too much of attachment. Just a thought
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Old 01-06-2019, 09:16 PM   #25
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I think itís perfectly fine to look up persons credentials and go on their professional website. I think looking up their professional FB page is fine too. Looking up if they are married is fine too as itís important. But Iíd refrain from going on guyís wifeís Facebook page. She isnít your therapist so Iíd avoid that.

Also if you really donít want to get attached, maybe staying off his personal life like his wifeís page could help you to not develop too much of attachment. Just a thought
I agree that I probably shouldn't have looked up his wife, but at the same time, she tagged him in a photo and that was the only link I had. I actually thought it was his sister. His profile is locked completely besides that one photo. I learned through her, what he is like. If he does end up being my T, I plan on telling him about the picture. I also will tell him he made a mistake on his website.

I don't plan on looking him up again. I was just looking for basic information. Like I said, I look everyone up. But I usually only look once.

With current T, I used to look her up all the time because I wanted to see her pictures. We made a compromise: I no longer look her up and she'd give me a stuffed animal. So I downloaded some pictures of her (just her, not her family), and I've kept to my promise all but one time and that was completely on accident. I haven't looked her up in months. And it reduced my obsession and some anxiety.

Learning that this T is married and has a dog are too very important pieces of information for me.
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Old 01-06-2019, 09:19 PM   #26
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Default Re: Questions for new part-time T

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Originally Posted by peacelizard View Post
It wasn't the nicest way to put it, but I imagine he's trying to point out that it's concerning because boundaries are already blurry and you haven't even met him
Boundaries aren't blurred. I don't see how this blurrs boundaries. Again, I look up everyone. I've looked up Ts, Pdocs, PCPs, hair stylist, ob/gyn, past friends, etc. Beyond that, I don't pry into their lives. Sure I might ask a question here and there (i.e. what's your favorite color?), but for the most part, I let them tell me about themselves.
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Old 01-07-2019, 03:39 AM   #27
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Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel View Post
Boundaries aren't blurred. I don't see how this blurrs boundaries. Again, I look up everyone. I've looked up Ts, Pdocs, PCPs, hair stylist, ob/gyn, past friends, etc. Beyond that, I don't pry into their lives. Sure I might ask a question here and there (i.e. what's your favorite color?), but for the most part, I let them tell me about themselves.
I think it might blurr boundaries because his FB profile is locked so itís a sign that he doesnít want strangers to look at it but you went through his wife. You looked up her and her pictures and she has not part of the equation. Not saying itís illegal or dangerous but just something that blurrs boundaries. Doesnít matter if she is a sister or a wife. If you wanted to know if he is married or has dogs you could ask your current therapist. She probably would tell you that.

Again not saying you have malicious intent at all but itís just something to look into if you tend to become attached to people. Just something to be aware.
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Old 01-07-2019, 04:28 AM   #28
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Default Re: Questions for new part-time T

Quote:
Originally Posted by divine1966 View Post
I think it might blurr boundaries because his FB profile is locked so itís a sign that he doesnít want strangers to look at it but you went through his wife. You looked up her and her pictures and she has not part of the equation. Not saying itís illegal or dangerous but just something that blurrs boundaries. Doesnít matter if she is a sister or a wife. If you wanted to know if he is married or has dogs you could ask your current therapist. She probably would tell you that.

Again not saying you have malicious intent at all but itís just something to look into if you tend to become attached to people. Just something to be aware.
I understand. I just don't see it as "wrong", "blurring boundaries", or increasing my attachment. I have no attachment to this guy. I don't want to be attached to him. And honestly, I don't know if I attach to men at all. I'm not emotionally attached to my H. Not attached to my dad. I don't really trust men. I do get attached to women. I'm much more emotionally involved with women, than men. But even that, I'm not attached to every woman or even every T I've met. I wasn't attached to one T, and I looked her up. And I attached to another before there was psychology today or FB. I'm not attached to my hair stylist, current Pdoc, or ob/gyn....and I've looked them up.

It might be a correlation, but it's definitely not a causation which I feel like people are trying to say.
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Old 01-07-2019, 04:31 AM   #29
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Default Re: Questions for new part-time T

Can we now get off this topic and refocus on questions for him or another T? Please, thank you.
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Old 01-07-2019, 06:26 AM   #30
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Default Re: Questions for new part-time T

Maybe thatís the main point here-questions for the actual therapist (s)
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