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Old 12-27-2018, 01:06 AM   #21
ScarletPimpernel
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Default Re: T is pregnant

Cried some more and now have made myself physically ill. I basically threw up my entire stomach content (I rarely if ever throw up). My head still hurts and so does my chest. I took an Ativan, but I probably threw that up too.
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Old 12-27-2018, 04:17 AM   #22
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Default Re: T is pregnant

Just ride this part out, it probably won't be this intense for too long. The initially shock threw me in to a
Possible trigger:
for about 3-4 days. After that it slowly settled down - it wasn't good, but it was no longer totally destabilizing.
Your mind and body are reacting. Just ride this bit out. This is the "amygdala is in full alert" and "temporal lobes are down" stage. Hang in there for a bit, your physiology will return to your current baseline in a few days and you'll be able to process the news a bit better.
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Old 12-27-2018, 04:35 AM   #23
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Default Re: T is pregnant

A little bit of sleep helped. I was able to eat some, so that's good. H came home, and he's been nice. I feel a little more stable. Called T, so I'll hear from her tomorrow.

I don't want to go through this. Even if I can, I don't want to. I've been abandoned so many times. I've been homeless. I just am tired of it all. I'm tired of fighting. And I'm tired of my borderline bs. I wish I could have normal healthy relationships, but I don't know how to have friends. I understand counselors and therapists. I understand how my family works. And then there's H. But everyone else is a mystery to me. I just want my T. That's all.
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Old 12-27-2018, 04:40 AM   #24
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Default Re: T is pregnant

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Originally Posted by Amyjay View Post
Oh no, I'm so sorry , Scarlet. I've been through this. It's awful and triggers every single abandonment trigger you could possibly have. HANG IN THERE! These feelings are going to pass!!
My T went on maternity leave over a year ago and hasn't returned yet. I am doing okay with the T I transferred to though, so its okay now, but it was SO. HARD. in the beginning. I was genuinely happy for my T and genuinely devastated for me.


What I did to make it easier was see my new T while I was still seeing T. I visited new T for 15 minutes at a time at first and then worked up to alternating weeks between them. I didn't really want to do that but I knew I had to create that safety net for myself because I wasn't coping with the change.

You have time to work on your safety net. Do your best to create a strong one. 6 month will go by so fast, while at the same time feeling like forever. Just plug up those gaps with a stop gap T to tide you over the rough times.

You can do this. You can support yourself through this. I know how devastating it feels. But you can find ways to carry yourself through that devastation. It probably isn't going to feel good, but you can make it "good enough" to carry you through. You just have to survive this period of time. Anything else you may get out of it is a bonus. But you can make it good enough to get you to the other side.
I don't know if I can afford 2 Ts at once. T said she is willing to do a session with the new T. The lady on the crisis line said it might be a good idea to do a co-session after T gets back too so she understands what I went through.

I can't believe your T hasn't come back yet. If my T did that, I would definitely consider that abandonment. I'm sorry you went through this too.
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Old 12-27-2018, 05:20 AM   #25
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Default Re: T is pregnant

I think my T might be trying to get rid of me. Pawn me off to another T. Yes, she's never given me any reason to doubt her, but my past dictates that it will happen. Right before ex-T left me, ex-Pdoc went on maternity leave and I got pawned off to county. It seems like it's happening all over again.

I just don't want to fight anymore. I'm tired of struggling.
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Old 12-27-2018, 05:43 AM   #26
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Default Re: T is pregnant

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Nope. No contact for at least 6 months. No phone calls, texts, emails, nothing. She starts maternity leave in April.
Scarlet, I am so so sorry. This is so unfair, especially given what you've been struggling with. Your T must know that it is going to be triggering and desolating for you to hear this? Given everything, maybe this is a time to find proactively a new T or to try out a few different styles of therapist, so at least you have the option not to face the baby stuff? I am so sorry. That is really a hard one. I doubt she wants to get rid of you, but she is going to be baby-absorbed maybe. I found a T2 last year during a really stressful impasse with my adored T. We resolved it, but I kept T2 , a sweet, easy, supportive, love bomb T so much different from my strict main one. I find comfort in t2, even though I don't do the same level of work.
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Old 12-27-2018, 07:54 AM   #27
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Default Re: T is pregnant

This sounds so hard Scarlet. Maybe just remember that you have built new relationships with therapists so you are capable of doing it again. Every time Iíve had to switch therapists I get something new out of the new relationship. Everyone has something different to offer. I hope you can see someone else while she is on maternity leave.
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Old 12-27-2018, 08:03 AM   #28
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Default Re: T is pregnant

Quote:
Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel View Post
I think my T might be trying to get rid of me. Pawn me off to another T. Yes, she's never given me any reason to doubt her, but my past dictates that it will happen.
I am sorry that this struggle is so difficult. I really don't think that your T became pregnant and is going on maternity leave just so she can get rid of you. It is not uncommon for women to take that kind of maternity leave, a leave from work, where they don't actually work. It's what she wants and needs for herself and her family; it is definitely not about you.

I'd second the recommendation to look for another T to take over when she's on leave. When my T was on medical leave a few years ago (5 months), I saw someone else in his office. It was helpful to have the support, but I didn't always need it. But it seems a good plan to have support if you do.
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Old 12-27-2018, 09:41 AM   #29
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Default Re: T is pregnant

Quote:
Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel View Post
I think my T might be trying to get rid of me. Pawn me off to another T. Yes, she's never given me any reason to doubt her, but my past dictates that it will happen. Right before ex-T left me, ex-Pdoc went on maternity leave and I got pawned off to county. It seems like it's happening all over again.

I just don't want to fight anymore. I'm tired of struggling.
I'm sorry this is so difficult, but basically what you are saying here is that your T got pregnant as an excuse to get rid of you. You know that doesn't make sense. One thing you have to do here is double check your thinking; this one doesn't pan out as based in any kind of reality.
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Old 12-27-2018, 11:28 AM   #30
ScarletPimpernel
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Default Re: T is pregnant

I don't think that my T getting pregnant has anything to do with me. I do, however, think she might use the opportunity to leave me.
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