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Old 12-13-2018, 12:02 AM   #1
annielovesbacon
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Default Going to therapy when I don't want to get better?

I posted this same thing on reddit, so my apologies to those of you like me who frequent both sites.

I recently relapsed in my eating disorder, and I was truthful with T last time I saw her and informed her. What I didn't tell her is that I don't really want to get "better." I have no desire to attempt recovery at this time (yes, i know that is what is best for me, please don't lecture me). But I want to keep going to therapy because T makes me feel safe and I feel better after sessions.

But am I wasting her time by going if I don't want to get better? I want to be able to talk about this without her urging recovery, but in the past she has made it clear she isn't going to sit around while I "destroy my body" (her words). Am I stupid to keep going?
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Old 12-13-2018, 12:52 AM   #2
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Default Re: Going to therapy when I don't want to get better?

I have been where you are many times.
I think it would be a waste of time, money, and resources if you dont want to get better,
But, its your choice.
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Old 12-13-2018, 03:27 AM   #3
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Default Re: Going to therapy when I don't want to get better?

I've felt like that in the past.
But getting better is a process.
Feeling like I didn't want to get better was part of that process.
I think there have been things in my life I've truly not wanted and I know for certain there have been no doubts in that dept when it's happened. Had it been about not wanting to get better, I would have stopped going to therapy and certainly wouldn't be talking about it in a forum. I would have just walked away and not looked back.
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Old 12-13-2018, 05:31 AM   #4
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Default Re: Going to therapy when I don't want to get better?

What is "better"?

Do you know what is going on in your life or your thoughts that resulted you relapsing? Is there anything about that which you would like to be better?
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Old 12-13-2018, 08:05 AM   #5
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Default Re: Going to therapy when I don't want to get better?

I think it's fine to go to therapy even of you dont want to change some behaviour right now. Its your therapy and you get to use it for whatever helps you.
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Old 12-13-2018, 08:08 AM   #6
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Default Re: Going to therapy when I don't want to get better?

Even if you use your session for something not related to your eating disorder, if the session helps you it's not a waste of time
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Old 12-13-2018, 08:25 AM   #7
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Default Re: Going to therapy when I don't want to get better?

Quote:
Originally Posted by annielovesbacon View Post
in the past she has made it clear she isn't going to sit around while I "destroy my body" (her words). Am I stupid to keep going?
I guess I'd find it relevant, in your shoes, to hear what she said when you discussed it with her (or when you discuss it with her, which I think makes sense to do before you make any decision). If her *present* position is that-- though I'm not sure precisely what it means-- that would inform my decisionmaking.

So your behavior or your unwillingness to stop harming yourself may cause her to end therapy even if it is your choice to continue. Is this the issue? Do you want to put off the decision on her or do you want to create a situation where she will be forced to "abandon" you? I'm sure there are a number of scenarios possible, although I understand that going to therapy with the insistence that you won't change is helpful to you. I think you "deserve" therapy under these circumstances, and I hope you can continue going as long as you want to.
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Old 12-13-2018, 09:14 AM   #8
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Default Re: Going to therapy when I don't want to get better?

Hugs i can so relate to you, i myself struggle with a eating disorder and i do too have relapses that makes me not want to get better, i do believe though you do want to get better if you are in therapy. I have been there and i hope your t will support you through this. It's a struggle for me when i relapse i did last week. Recovery is not easy and the worse thing is to give up. Keep posting on here we care about you hugs
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Old 12-13-2018, 10:30 AM   #9
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Default Re: Going to therapy when I don't want to get better?

Iíve been in therapy for 20 years. Not wanting to get better. But therapy did other things for me, to help me want to get better.

If you can benefit from something...anything....then go. But if you canít get anything out of it at all, save your time and money.

Also - know that your T May discontinue working with you if you are not addressing the elephant in the room. They are ethically obligated to discontinue services if they feel you are not benefitting. So try to find an area you CAN improve on and focus on that instead.
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Old 12-13-2018, 12:55 PM   #10
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You are not stupid. You know what you are getting out of it and, as long as you are getting something you need, you have a motive to continue.
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