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Old 12-13-2018, 12:53 AM   #21
MRT6211
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Default Re: Terrible Session

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Originally Posted by Anne2.0 View Post
If I understand correctly, it hasn't even been 24 hours since your email. In my world, that's not "ghosting." That's I have a lot on my plate and maybe the multiple emails make it difficult to know how to respond, so I'm waiting until I have a few minutes free to call or write a thoughtful response.

I doubt your over interpretation "pushing her away" is accurate and your expectation that she will drop everything to respond to you immediately and that she should "know" anything, are pretty good distortions of what I'd consider normal email response times. I respond to very few people within 24 hours and very few people respond to me within 24 hours and yes, I'm a busy professional as are most of the people I communicate with.
With her itís different because itís not a typical outpatient therapy environment. Iím in an outpatient program. Part of it is that weíre supposed to be able to talk to someone that day if we need to. If not our clinician, one of the other ones. If she knew she wasnít going to have time to talk to me, she normally would tell me to contact one of them. There has only been one other time that she didnít call me back that same day (and time I have a lot of out of session contact with her), and that was also purposeful, because I had told her I self-harmed, and she didnít want to encourage the behavior. Pretty sure thatís whatís going on now. I know sheís not going to be happy with me. I have a huge self-inflicted bruise on my forearm, and sheís definitely going to see it in group tomorrow and Iím afraid sheíll see it and she wonít talk to me because I did that.
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Old 12-13-2018, 12:54 AM   #22
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Default Re: Terrible Session

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Originally Posted by guilloche View Post
I'm so sorry that you're going through this MRT. I had a bad session this week too. It's a special kind of awful, isn't it?

I hope you hear back from your T soon, and get some resolution.
I hope your week gets better, too.
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Old 12-13-2018, 12:25 PM   #23
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Default Re: Terrible Session

So I talked to T...her not calling me back was basically a disciplinary thing because I self-harmed in my car immediately after session, instead of asking for help. And even more so because I emailed her while under the influence. She says she refuses to engage with those behaviors, because Iíve already made my choice. I understand, I guess. As I suspected...I got a long lecture about my behavior and stuff...i feel like crap right now, though...but I do understand why she had to do it. Not only is it her policy, it did teach me something valuable, even though I was furious at the time. Because I know that none of this felt good, and surely I will remember this next time if I want to do those things...
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Old 12-13-2018, 12:38 PM   #24
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Default Re: Terrible Session

I'm glad you talked to your T. I'm sorry you feel like crap right now. It sounds like talking to your T did help a little bit. Kit
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Old 12-13-2018, 03:47 PM   #25
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Default Re: Terrible Session

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I'm glad you talked to your T. I'm sorry you feel like crap right now. It sounds like talking to your T did help a little bit. Kit
She did. And then we talked on the phone a little while ago again. She assured me that while yesterday she was not happy with me, that sheís not still mad at me, that she and exT donít think less of me as a person, and that I didnít do anything that canít be undone in my spiral, and so the best thing that I can do is move on. She said that she knows that I needed this ďkick in the [butt],Ē but that next time I need to go about it in a different way.

Honestly, even though we kinda had a small rupture over this, I feel better now and like she cares about me. She even said she cares a lot about me, and thatís why she was angry with me that I was self-sabatoging. So overall, I think in a weird way, this strengthened our relationship.
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