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Old 12-02-2018, 01:36 PM   #11
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Default Re: Has anyone successfully worked through their transference?

Xynesthesia, this has been exactly my experience as well. Thank you for expressing it so well.
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Old 12-02-2018, 01:47 PM   #12
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No, because he died. I'm sure we would have worked through it if we had more time.
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Old 12-02-2018, 02:10 PM   #13
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In my experience and from the dozens of accounts I have read about it, no it’s not possible to work through something like that.
A lot of these « transference » cases are straight up addictions. The only way to stop an addiction is cutting off supply.
Yes I feel this in my bones. The only way this is ever going to stop is if I cut off all therapy. I have had this transference with every therapist because I have a massive hole that has never been filled. I never had a mother or father that took care of me and each therapist has become a surrogate. People that were raised with parents that filled their needs at least still have that parent to call on a daily basis and to talk to as needed (unless they passed away) but a therapist is a poor substitution because you can only see them or talk to them at session time and the ache becomes so bad between sessions but yet it is the closest thing to a loving parent you ever had. Even if it is a facade it is still something.
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When a child’s emotional needs are not met and a child is repeatedly hurt and abused, this deeply and profoundly affects the child’s development. Wanting those unmet childhood needs in adulthood. Looking for safety, protection, being cherished and loved can often be normal unmet needs in childhood, and the survivor searches for these in other adults. This can be where survivors search for mother and father figures. Transference issues in counseling can occur and this is normal for childhood abuse survivors.
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Old 12-02-2018, 02:22 PM   #14
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Default Re: Has anyone successfully worked through their transference?

Yes. Was a major issue with my last T. He told me a certain amount is necessary. I don’t have that issue with my current t.
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Old 12-02-2018, 02:29 PM   #15
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Well.....has anyone successfully told their T about their type of transference (maternal, paternal, erotic) and the T was able to work with it, understand it and help you get past it? That is if they did not transfer you to another T or terminate you.
Geez, reading here, its like saying NOBODY ever meets x goal. I will say, stunted as i am, that yes i did. I may not be perfect, but im a lot better than i was. And working thru the transference was a biiiiig part of it.
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Old 12-02-2018, 02:37 PM   #16
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Yes. In my experience there was no similarity to addiction processes at all. But I do think it takes a very astute T , a strong alliance independent of the transference, a client who is able to tolerate periods of extreme distress, and a therapy that can withstand those turbulent emotions.



Although I have returned to therapy after resolving the transference with former T over 20 yrs ago, it is for very different reasons, and there is no transference active in this therapy.
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Old 12-02-2018, 02:59 PM   #17
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I haven't worked through it but I do believe I'm working through it. Of course I'm still in therapy 3x a week but I can see the role the attachment has played and is playing in guiding me to ways to fill it the hole through lived example.
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Old 12-02-2018, 03:04 PM   #18
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*shrug* I don't consider my transference an addiction nor does it take away from my life.

I also don't know that I'll ever "work through" my transference in that I don't think I'll ever stop seeing my therapist as a father figure. I don't see anything wrong with that, though.

I'm not in therapy for forever, and I will say goodbye someday. But I will always view him as having been a father figure to me.
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Old 12-02-2018, 03:26 PM   #19
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Ok how do you even tell your therapist about your transference? What do you say?
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When a child’s emotional needs are not met and a child is repeatedly hurt and abused, this deeply and profoundly affects the child’s development. Wanting those unmet childhood needs in adulthood. Looking for safety, protection, being cherished and loved can often be normal unmet needs in childhood, and the survivor searches for these in other adults. This can be where survivors search for mother and father figures. Transference issues in counseling can occur and this is normal for childhood abuse survivors.
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Old 12-02-2018, 03:41 PM   #20
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Ok how do you even tell your therapist about your transference? What do you say?
Well I did it in fits and starts by email cause am like a coward that way!! And I barely or only tangentially acknowledge it face to face but in email have been pretty clear, used 'love', referred to 'daddy', referred to wanting connection, comfort, non abandonment or 'well done/Good job', said expressly it's coming from 10 year or 2 year or baby me etc. He's following my lead in non or only tangential reference so far. Including to assure me it's normal, fine, a tool to heal.
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