In Session Today: Part V - Page 47 - Forums at Psych Central


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Old 12-12-2018, 12:34 PM #461
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Default Re: In Session Today: Part V

Lonesome - good session, tough session. I call this broken cookie syndrome. I didnt want to acknowledge that *I* was/am the broken cookie, so i sought out others who i thought were broken and deigned to love / fix them. Thats also partly parental re-enactment - trying to fix the broken relationship with our parents, if only we can love them enough.

But its SOOOO insulting to the object of my affections! I can only imagine what horrible things they were thinking in response. Major pity date. Im amazed i can scrape any self esteem off the floor at this time. But you know what? It is JUST what your parents thought of you. And maybe some peers of theirs.

I was lucky. My dad's brother pulled me aside at his son's 25th wedding anniversary party just to tell me that HE WON - i.e., my uncle won, because my cousin was married with children and i was not. It was humiliating, but enlightening. I found out where i truly came from. Now i can claim it. I wish that for you.
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Old 12-12-2018, 12:36 PM #462
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Default Re: In Session Today: Part V

Echoes, thats pretty amazing that he saw that in session one!!
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Old 12-12-2018, 12:49 PM #463
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Default Re: In Session Today: Part V

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Echoes, thats pretty amazing that he saw that in session one!!
I know! He needs to stop pretending he is a mere mortal.
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Old 12-12-2018, 01:31 PM #464
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Default Re: In Session Today: Part V

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Originally Posted by Anne2.0 View Post
This may not be a useful inquiry for you, but I find it curious you didn't ask him to repeat himself, as in just a simple "sorry, I didn't catch what you just said. Can you repeat it?" No need to tell him what you'd heard possibly mistakenly or react to the correct information.

I guess the curious part for me is why you wouldn't want to know what he actually said, rather than an assumption, particularly in the context of the session topic related to autism. It was an assumption in the first place by you, in the sense that you assumed your former T gave you accurate information. In some ways it is perfectly reasonable to rely on what someone tells you about another person, especially when it would seem she received that information first hand because they once worked together, but in other ways you can't, just like any other "gossip" about somebody else.

I guess I just wander if there is something there in your communication style that may bear examining, given how much being clear about what you're saying and being clear about what the other person is saying is so central to human relationships, including T. And whether being less clear in speaking and understanding others could be connected to feeling anxious about the relationship or other kinds of issues.
Interesting observation here... Not wanting to derail LT's session but I can understand why someone might not clarify in the midst of the conversation as I think I would have done the same. I can't say of course why LT didn't clarify but I know if it was me I would worry that he had said what he said by accident...let it slip.. and had not meant or wanted to say it and if I asked him to clarify it would draw attention to that fact and he would feel regretful or suddenly shut down and tell himself he needed to be more careful in the future... and thus there would be no more slips which can be enjoyable...Ridiculous I know..Or another scenario is that I often take hours before I react to things that were said so I wouldn't have realised I wanted to clarify until I'd left the appointment. Depending on what it was I might bring it up at the next session. Like a delayed reaction of sorts. Interested to hear your thoughts on your session LT.
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Old 12-12-2018, 01:58 PM #465
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Default Re: In Session Today: Part V

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Originally Posted by Thalassophile View Post
Interesting observation here... Not wanting to derail LT's session but I can understand why someone might not clarify in the midst of the conversation as I think I would have done the same. I can't say of course why LT didn't clarify but I know if it was me I would worry that he had said what he said by accident...let it slip.. and had not meant or wanted to say it and if I asked him to clarify it would draw attention to that fact and he would feel regretful or suddenly shut down and tell himself he needed to be more careful in the future... and thus there would be no more slips which can be enjoyable...Ridiculous I know..Or another scenario is that I often take hours before I react to things that were said so I wouldn't have realised I wanted to clarify until I'd left the appointment. Depending on what it was I might bring it up at the next session. Like a delayed reaction of sorts. Interested to hear your thoughts on your session LT.

Thanks for the comment, this pretty much exactly captures what was going on in my head. Where if he accidentally slipped, it would just draw attention to it. And then he'd be super careful. Plus since part of the session had been about his son, I didn't want to seem like I was prying into another personal matter. And, like you, I often take time to react to things. Which is why I can often probably seem fine to him in session, like I'm OK with what he said (or what ex-T or ex-MC said), then it will hit me more later. Which is why email is good. And I think because he's been so evasive about certain personal things (like when I asked him about his infrequent wearing of wedding ring), I doubted he'd let his guard down so much. So I felt I must have misheard.

There's also the fact that I was already over time, it was like 62 minutes at that point, while I was paying, so I didn't want to seem like I was trying to prolong it. Had it been earlier in session and we'd still been sitting and talking, I would have been more likely to say something, or at least consider saying it. I guess the other thing is, I didn't want to seem like I was trying to confirm the "killed her" part because I know that's just an expression! So, it involved a lot of factors, some of which I probably wasn't consciously aware of at the time.

And, to include a response to Anne here, I do have some communication issues, and it's one of the things I'm working on in therapy right now. So, yeah, I'm aware of that.
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Old 12-12-2018, 03:43 PM #466
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Default Re: In Session Today: Part V

Quote:
Originally Posted by Thalassophile View Post
Interesting observation here... Not wanting to derail LT's session but I can understand why someone might not clarify in the midst of the conversation as I think I would have done the same. I can't say of course why LT didn't clarify but I know if it was me I would worry that he had said what he said by accident...let it slip.. and had not meant or wanted to say it and if I asked him to clarify it would draw attention to that fact and he would feel regretful or suddenly shut down and tell himself he needed to be more careful in the future... and thus there would be no more slips which can be enjoyable...Ridiculous I know..Or another scenario is that I often take hours before I react to things that were said so I wouldn't have realised I wanted to clarify until I'd left the appointment. Depending on what it was I might bring it up at the next session. Like a delayed reaction of sorts. Interested to hear your thoughts on your session LT.
I didn't say it wasn't understandable and I think in fact it's quite a normal thing to do. It wasn't a criticism or something that needs to be defended against. To me a therapy session is like a big fishbowl where it's easier to see the things I do that could be changed or improved (compared to everyday relationships, where things can be more loaded). I find it useful to bring them to the surface and see what they are about, think about them more deeply.

But, as to your explanation above, I don't think anyone knows for a minute how the therapist would feel in the moment and the other "worries" about what he might think are kind of the identified problem-- mind reading, caring too much about what someone else thinks, when you can't possibly know and I'd bet ten bucks to this therapist's straight talk that he'd be glad to repeat what he said or even clarify it. Most people would be glad to repeat something they said if the intended hearer didn't catch it; isn't that the whole point of saying anything at all, that someone actually hears what you said? And isn't the whole point of being a listener to actually understand what someone says?
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Old 12-12-2018, 03:46 PM #467
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Default Re: In Session Today: Part V

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Originally Posted by unaluna View Post

I was lucky. My dad's brother pulled me aside at his son's 25th wedding anniversary party just to tell me that HE WON - i.e., my uncle won, because my cousin was married with children and i was not.
Geezus Lawd almighty, that uncle is truly an enormous jack@ss. I am sorry you had to experience that, but as you say, you were lucky to get it wasn't about you.
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Old 12-12-2018, 03:51 PM #468
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Default Re: In Session Today: Part V

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I didn't say it wasn't understandable and I think in fact it's quite a normal thing to do. It wasn't a criticism or something that needs to be defended against. To me a therapy session is like a big fishbowl where it's easier to see the things I do that could be changed or improved (compared to everyday relationships, where things can be more loaded). I find it useful to bring them to the surface and see what they are about, think about them more deeply.
My post was in no way meant as a defence of anyone or as a way of implying that you didn't understand merely as an observation that I too would have responded in such a way like LT. I found that in itself interesting as I don't always find people responding as I would.
When I said it was an interesting observation I also meant it simply as such ...I found it an interesting observation no malice, criticism or ill intent behind it...It was an interesting observation that I did not pick up on. I like reading others people views and observations on this thread. It gives me a broader perspective on the world and reminds me that my way of thinking is not the only way of thinking and more often than not a way of thinking that is not in the majority.

Quote:
But, as to your explanation above, I don't think anyone knows for a minute how the therapist would feel in the moment and the other "worries" about what he might think are kind of the identified problem-- mind reading, caring too much about what someone else thinks, when you can't possibly know and I'd bet ten bucks to this therapist's straight talk that he'd be glad to repeat what he said or even clarify it. Most people would be glad to repeat something they said if the intended hearer didn't catch it; isn't that the whole point of saying anything at all, that someone actually hears what you said? And isn't the whole point of being a listener to actually understand what someone says?
Of course, no one knows for a second what a therapist (or anyone else for that matter thinks or feels). I was not trying to imply that I do or that how I would have reacted is the 'right' way to react simply that is how my mind would have reacted. Clarifying there and then what someone said is easier said than done. For me personally reacting more 'in' the moment (and not hours or days later) is something I have been working on improving and have made progress.
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Old 12-12-2018, 03:53 PM #469
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Default Re: In Session Today: Part V

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My post was in no way meant as a defence of anyone or as a way of implying that you didn't understand merely as an observation that I too would have responded in such a way like LT.
My apologies for the misreading of your post. It is often true that it's easier for me to see the same issue in someone else than in myself.
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Old 12-12-2018, 04:18 PM #470
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Default Re: In Session Today: Part V

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Geezus Lawd almighty, that uncle is truly an enormous jack@ss. I am sorry you had to experience that, but as you say, you were lucky to get it wasn't about you.
Thank you. It's nice to have all that in writing! It was a very twilight zone experience!
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