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Old 07-13-2018, 08:45 PM   #1
CantExplain
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Default CE's Theory of Psychodynamic Therapy

The therapy relationship is unnatural, ie it does not exist in nature. That means we have no instinct for it. We have instincts for being a friend, a parent, a child, a lover, an enemy. Much of therapy is thrashing around trying to find an unconscious label for a relationship where, deliberately, nothing fits.

The healing is in the thrashing. When the thrashing stops, the healing stops. So when you finally realise that nothing fits, it's time to quit.
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Old 07-13-2018, 08:54 PM   #2
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I suppose, in principle, that the T relationship could be learned. But most of the posts on PC are from people who haven't (yet) been able to learn it!
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Old 07-13-2018, 09:29 PM   #3
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Default Re: CE's Theory of Psychodynamic Therapy

I think it's an interesting idea and when something can be distilled down elegantly in the way you have, there is definitely something to it.

It doesn't resonate with me personally, because my therapy has not been about the relationship. Aspects of my therapy have, but really only in the ways I notice that how I relate to him is either problematic in my real life or that I am better at something in particular, like resolving conflict. There is something about the me observing what I do in the therapy room, like the interaction is slower, not hyped up by anything, where I can really see how I communicate that has been so helpful to me. I can notice when I'm being too harsh, something I've tried to work on for a long time, or unnecessarily critical, or that I am feeling connected in a way I like. Maybe that is just my version of what the "relationship" is in therapy.

I think that instincts play only a part of life, including in therapy. I think that trauma survivors, or the way it works for me, struggle with many counter-instinctual reactions in therapy. Fight or flight is activated when you disclose abuse, the instinct to flee the room instead of drinking in the support and the comfort is very powerful. One of the best things I've learned over the course of therapy is to be less reactive/instinctual and more intentional/reflective.

For me, my life works better, and I am happier, when I back off of the things that are instinctual for me and dissect how it is I want to be. Under your theory, maybe this is why therapy works for me.
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Old 07-13-2018, 09:37 PM   #4
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Default CE's Theory of Psychodynamic Therapy

I donít think Iíve learned it and probably never will.

What I have learned is that there is a hope for me to understand what boundaries and safety are and feel like, in the safe space of my counselors office and in his presence.

From there, I hope to become strong and brave/bold enough to carry that feeling with me into other relationships and spaces.

I do have a great difficulty trying to discern what my relationship is with my counselor/therapist. It seems to be all the dynamics that I never had growing up with safety being a component, as different parts of me come forward and are heard and validated for who they are. Each one of those parts see him as someone different in the role that he is facilitating with them.

A safe father figure.

A brother.

A mentor.

An advisor.

And yea, a paid friend.

Thereís healing in all of that, the way I see it.

That may not be natural, in how it should have been to begin with and I really am lacking the ability to be able to have that kind of relationship outside in the real world right now. I believe that is an impairment in my instinct ability that is being rewritten during my learning time for now.

Thrashing.

I donít know, that sounds like a fight to me but I see what Iím walking through as someone leading me without me fighting it. I want what I didnít have and Iím open to being shown what it is and experiencing it with safety.

Sorry. That just downloaded itself.

I hope it fits here.
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