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Old 03-13-2018, 04:19 PM   #1
LonesomeTonight
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Default How much do your chat with your T?

Just wondering...how much does everyone chat with their T in session? By "chat," I mean non-therapy stuff. Like, talking about current events, TV shows, sports, pets, etc. If you do chat about stuff like that, do you think it's important to your therapeutic relationship? Like does it help build the connection? Or is it just a waste of time and you try to avoid it? Or somewhere in between?
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Old 03-13-2018, 04:24 PM   #2
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A little, little bit can help me get started. Like not more than 2 minutes.
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Old 03-13-2018, 04:27 PM   #3
LonesomeTonight
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Default Re: How much do your chat with your T?

I'll go first. So lately, I've noticed that individual T and I seem to be chatting more. I've been seeing him about 6 months, lately twice a week. In the beginning, it was pretty much strictly therapy stuff. Today, for example (in a 60-minute session), we spent a few minutes each talking about the March Madness college basketball bracket (I initiated that conversation) and how therapists and cops are portrayed on TV shows. I feel like it helps build rapport. And we end up going back to the main therapy topic (he'll apologize for getting off-topic, and I'll say it was just as much me, for example, or I'll just be like, "So as I was saying about X...") So I don't think it detracts too much from the actual therapy. Today, for example, there was a lot of good work done.

It's also not really self-disclosure kind of stuff from T (not like my marriage counselor sharing stories about his kids, other relatives, friends, etc.). Which brings its own sort of issues. (T doesn't talk about his elementary-school aged son at all.) But...is this a common thing? And at what point do things become too familiar/relaxed/friend-like?

Edited to add: Or perhaps I'll go second
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Old 03-13-2018, 04:28 PM   #4
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Default Re: How much do your chat with your T?

Quote:
Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight View Post
Just wondering...how much does everyone chat with their T in session? By "chat," I mean non-therapy stuff. Like, talking about current events, TV shows, sports, pets, etc. If you do chat about stuff like that, do you think it's important to your therapeutic relationship? Like does it help build the connection? Or is it just a waste of time and you try to avoid it? Or somewhere in between?
Interesting question, LT. Most of our chats could be considered therapeutic because I have a desire to tell T about my grandchildren and show her photos. When we talk about art it's also therapeutic. I don't have time just to chat and my T apparently doesn't think it's necessary. We have a good relationship already so it would probably be wasting time.
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Old 03-13-2018, 04:30 PM   #5
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More than half the time
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Old 03-13-2018, 04:40 PM   #6
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Default Re: How much do your chat with your T?

Quote:
Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight View Post
I'll go first. So lately, I've noticed that individual T and I seem to be chatting more. I've been seeing him about 6 months, lately twice a week. In the beginning, it was pretty much strictly therapy stuff. Today, for example (in a 60-minute session), we spent a few minutes each talking about the March Madness college basketball bracket (I initiated that conversation) and how therapists and cops are portrayed on TV shows. I feel like it helps build rapport. And we end up going back to the main therapy topic (he'll apologize for getting off-topic, and I'll say it was just as much me, for example, or I'll just be like, "So as I was saying about X...") So I don't think it detracts too much from the actual therapy. Today, for example, there was a lot of good work done.

It's also not really self-disclosure kind of stuff from T (not like my marriage counselor sharing stories about his kids, other relatives, friends, etc.). Which brings its own sort of issues. (T doesn't talk about his elementary-school aged son at all.) But...is this a common thing? And at what point do things become too familiar/relaxed/friend-like?

Edited to add: Or perhaps I'll go second
When we talk about painting a little bit, I feel funny because I want to know about HER paintings. I've seen them and there's one hanging in the office too. I think it's nice that you can chat with T like that. I don't think your T is going to make it be friend-like, but you're like me so I think YOU may read more into it and dwell on the possible friendship aspect. I'm not saying you will, but it seems to be another manifestation of the attachment issue. I'm not criticizing, just pointing it out because that's how my mind would work.
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Old 03-13-2018, 04:44 PM   #7
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As little as I can get away with. I hate small talk. "Hi, how are you? I am fine. Yes it's cold out. Now let's talk about whatever I came to therapy for. The clock is ticking."
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Old 03-13-2018, 04:45 PM   #8
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Default Re: How much do your chat with your T?

I did not chat with either of them. I have real people to chat with and the therapist does not get that part of me. The woman tried to chat at the beginning but I cut it off. IF the woman had wanted to build a connection with me and if she would have explained the purpose for such, I might have allowed it. But without that, I was not just going to do it. I never did get a reasonable explanation for why I would want to connect with one of those guys.
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Old 03-13-2018, 05:03 PM   #9
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To answer the other piece. Very friend like it messes with my head and causes me alot of emotions but im also addicted so i keep doing it
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Old 03-13-2018, 05:14 PM   #10
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It depends. I would say not too often. We hardly ever start off the session with nothing more than the basic ‘how are you’ . After that it’s up to me to start. Occasionally ‘real’ life comes in to play and she is fairly forthcoming. But for the
Most part I would stick with not too often.
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