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Old 01-12-2018, 07:15 PM   #1
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Default Kicking myself for texting my ex T

Sometime so would just like to kick myself. I come up with the most stupid ideas from left field. So itís been about two Months since I left my T because she double booked me. Well for some reason I felt like I had to reach out and give her my two cents of how the whole situation was disappointing.
She responded that she was human and it was just a human error. Well we texted back and forth. She told me that I need to give chances and so here I go and I fell for it. Iím like whatís youre availability. This is where I shouldíve kicked myself again but apparently I didnít.

She said she has sessions available. It took three days to figure out that she will see me at the end of the month into February at 9pm. No specific date and no specific anything. She blamed it on my work schedule. Again texts going back very slow about scheduling. Perhaps two texts a day. Meanwhile Iím having issues in life and Iím trying to keep myself from plummeting.

Then I realized that this is all wrong. Slow texts and again her showing no care or interest. She has excuses for everything. I finally sent her a last text saying that perhaps itís not a good idea and that obviously she has a busy schedule and that I need help now and in a month. She used to at times make time for me when she screwed up badly but this time it was a no go.

My point is that if I never went to therapy to begin with I wouldnít be on this forum on Friday night complaining about how I tried down to chase down my ex T and how poorly she responded. Two months and Iím not over this. Itís insane!!
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Old 01-12-2018, 09:51 PM   #2
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Default Re: Kicking myself for texting my ex T

I think I get it. Tell me if I'm wrong, though, because I'm extrapolating from my experience.

You got something from her, from being with her. And then she badly hurt your feelings and disappointed you by double-booking and the slow texts and trouble finding an appointment time. It's like she filled a lack or a void in your life that you didn't know you had. And then she messed up and it was intolerable and so you quit. But now you feel the void. Sucks!
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Old 01-13-2018, 12:58 AM   #3
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Default Re: Kicking myself for texting my ex T

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Originally Posted by here today View Post
I think I get it. Tell me if I'm wrong, though, because I'm extrapolating from my experience.

You got something from her, from being with her. And then she badly hurt your feelings and disappointed you by double-booking and the slow texts and trouble finding an appointment time. It's like she filled a lack or a void in your life that you didn't know you had. And then she messed up and it was intolerable and so you quit. But now you feel the void. Sucks!
Basically. Iíve been seeing her for over 5 years and slowly I was opening up. I was hoping to get deeper into my issues and I was developing trust. Weíve had so many Ups and downs. I was finally feeling like things were better since my last therapy break. Then this happens and she just shrugs it off as human error. Then we talked about scheduling again which i shouldnít have. She seems more distant and not motivated at all. In the past she would struggled and kept in touch more until we would come to an agreement. Just a huge disappointment in every way. Every time I took a break it was because she would just upset me so Many times by either answering phones during session or being mia during a crisis. A crisis to me is not a crisis to her. So if she doesnít consider something a crisis like suicide then she wonít answer. The one time I texted her about cutting and she never answered. A week later I saw her for my sesssion and she asked me if I cut myself because she didnít know what happened to mThe text. She couldnít explain that one much like the double booking. I guess Iím better off without her. I refuse to go through this for someone else and pay for it.
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Old 01-13-2018, 01:06 AM   #4
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Default Re: Kicking myself for texting my ex T

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sarmas View Post
Sometime so would just like to kick myself. I come up with the most stupid ideas from left field. So itís been about two Months since I left my T because she double booked me. Well for some reason I felt like I had to reach out and give her my two cents of how the whole situation was disappointing.
She responded that she was human and it was just a human error. Well we texted back and forth. She told me that I need to give chances and so here I go and I fell for it. Iím like whatís youre availability. This is where I shouldíve kicked myself again but apparently I didnít.

She said she has sessions available. It took three days to figure out that she will see me at the end of the month into February at 9pm. No specific date and no specific anything. She blamed it on my work schedule. Again texts going back very slow about scheduling. Perhaps two texts a day. Meanwhile Iím having issues in life and Iím trying to keep myself from plummeting.

Then I realized that this is all wrong. Slow texts and again her showing no care or interest. She has excuses for everything. I finally sent her a last text saying that perhaps itís not a good idea and that obviously she has a busy schedule and that I need help now and in a month. She used to at times make time for me when she screwed up badly but this time it was a no go.

My point is that if I never went to therapy to begin with I wouldnít be on this forum on Friday night complaining about how I tried down to chase down my ex T and how poorly she responded. Two months and Iím not over this. Itís insane!!
Your anger is real. The situation is intolerable. Find another T. You might as well, because this therapy is, not there for you anyway. Theres better experiences to be had.
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Old 01-13-2018, 01:44 AM   #5
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Default Re: Kicking myself for texting my ex T

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sarmas View Post
Sometime so would just like to kick myself. I come up with the most stupid ideas from left field. So itís been about two Months since I left my T because she double booked me. Well for some reason I felt like I had to reach out and give her my two cents of how the whole situation was disappointing.
She responded that she was human and it was just a human error. Well we texted back and forth. She told me that I need to give chances and so here I go and I fell for it. Iím like whatís youre availability. This is where I shouldíve kicked myself again but apparently I didnít.

She said she has sessions available. It took three days to figure out that she will see me at the end of the month into February at 9pm. No specific date and no specific anything. She blamed it on my work schedule. Again texts going back very slow about scheduling. Perhaps two texts a day. Meanwhile Iím having issues in life and Iím trying to keep myself from plummeting.

Then I realized that this is all wrong. Slow texts and again her showing no care or interest. She has excuses for everything. I finally sent her a last text saying that perhaps itís not a good idea and that obviously she has a busy schedule and that I need help now and in a month. She used to at times make time for me when she screwed up badly but this time it was a no go.

My point is that if I never went to therapy to begin with I wouldnít be on this forum on Friday night complaining about how I tried down to chase down my ex T and how poorly she responded. Two months and Iím not over this. Itís insane!!
I relate to this so much tonight. My T is driving me crazy, and before T, I never had this kind of mesmerized focus on one person. My boyfriend even is like WTF. I probably cried for an hour today because he is taking day off #4 by saying oh I'll be out of town so dont come. Like you, it is2:43 am, I have a big work day tomorrow, and here I am awake bc of my T.
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Old 01-13-2018, 06:32 AM   #6
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Default Re: Kicking myself for texting my ex T

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Originally Posted by SalingerEsme View Post
I relate to this so much tonight. My T is driving me crazy, and before T, I never had this kind of mesmerized focus on one person. My boyfriend even is like WTF. I probably cried for an hour today because he is taking day off #4 by saying oh I'll be out of town so dont come. Like you, it is2:43 am, I have a big work day tomorrow, and here I am awake bc of my T.
Sorry to hear that. Itís totally true. Itís part of therapy that I didnít even know existed when I first started. I figured that I would address my issues and she would listen an have her input. I was wrong in every way. We are up until whatever time on this forum and say lie in bed totally okay.
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Old 01-13-2018, 09:35 AM   #7
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Default Re: Kicking myself for texting my ex T

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. . .She seems more distant and not motivated at all. In the past she would struggled and kept in touch more until we would come to an agreement. Just a huge disappointment in every way. . . I guess Iím better off without her. I refuse to go through this for someone else and pay for it.
Thanks.

Don't know if it will help but this sounds a lot like my experience. What I now think is that I had dissociated from the disappointment, sadness, and loneliness I felt as a child in my family of origin. And in some sense I (or a part of me I didn't cognitively know about, didn't "feel") lived in a fantasy land, where only positive feelings about family members existed, only good things happened. That's not reality, it made my life in my family OK, but I had problems in adulthood. No surprise. Thing is, years and years of therapy didn't help.

Except that, in some sense the rejection by my last therapist triggered those old feelings and, eventually, I lucked out and recollected those feelings in association with thinking about a family member whom I mostly (consciously) loved and had looked up to. And fully feeling that awful, horrible, intolerable, feeling -- 12 months later, 18 months since my last therapy ended, maybe I'm doing better? It's very strange.

Good luck to you! If I'm correct, then there may be a lot of us with a similar issue that therapy doesn't "know" about yet. Or doesn't tell us about. Please let us know how things go.
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Old 01-13-2018, 11:03 AM   #8
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Default Re: Kicking myself for texting my ex T

Quote:
Originally Posted by here today View Post
Thanks.

Don't know if it will help but this sounds a lot like my experience. What I now think is that I had dissociated from the disappointment, sadness, and loneliness I felt as a child in my family of origin. And in some sense I (or a part of me I didn't cognitively know about, didn't "feel") lived in a fantasy land, where only positive feelings about family members existed, only good things happened. That's not reality, it made my life in my family OK, but I had problems in adulthood. No surprise. Thing is, years and years of therapy didn't help.

Except that, in some sense the rejection by my last therapist triggered those old feelings and, eventually, I lucked out and recollected those feelings in association with thinking about a family member whom I mostly (consciously) loved and had looked up to. And fully feeling that awful, horrible, intolerable, feeling -- 12 months later, 18 months since my last therapy ended, maybe I'm doing better? It's very strange.

Good luck to you! If I'm correct, then there may be a lot of us with a similar issue that therapy doesn't "know" about yet. Or doesn't tell us about. Please let us know how things go.
Your story sounds so much like mine. I think you have better knowledge of it than my T did. Then again we live our story so thatís our priority where their prior priorities lie elsewhere. We go to them seeking help not knowing where to start or whatís going on. Then we just have this cause and effect issjethag we are trying to understand. When Ts donít pick up on that the. We are stuck deciphering that ourselves.

However thatís impressive. I think I learned more about myself through your post than through my T in 5 years. I dissociated and also lived in my own fantasy land and I still do sad to say. Itís not always perfect but I have total control in that world and I have full control of people attitudes towards me. Itís complicated but I think you understand. My issue is that I speak to not one person in my family. They all turned against me when I told them the truth about what was going throughout my childhood. They First challenged me and called me a liar and then they turned totally against me. I donít have that one person in any area of my life. My selective venting with my T was my only outlet. Who else will sit there and listen to me unless I paid for it? It was my only sanity. Now that I donít have that outlet Iím having issues. Soemetkmes she seemed interested in a way and other times she was distracted and I was upset but overall I spoke more about present issues than past. We will see what happens next.
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Old 01-13-2018, 02:45 PM   #9
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Default Re: Kicking myself for texting my ex T

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. . .My issue is that I speak to not one person in my family. They all turned against me when I told them the truth about what was going throughout my childhood. They First challenged me and called me a liar and then they turned totally against me. I donít have that one person in any area of my life. My selective venting with my T was my only outlet. . .
Being rejected by one's family really sucks. I know how I feel about it -- it's beyond unbearable. And, yes, how can I believe that anyone would care about me or really want me around when my family of origin doesn't.

So I come back to wondering about support groups. I haven't found any that really "hit the spot", dealing with this abandonment/rejection trauma seems to need something more than just "fellowship" or community. But for right now that seems a lot better than more therapy for me.
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Old 01-13-2018, 06:39 PM   #10
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Default Re: Kicking myself for texting my ex T

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Being rejected by one's family really sucks. I know how I feel about it -- it's beyond unbearable. And, yes, how can I believe that anyone would care about me or really want me around when my family of origin doesn't.

So I come back to wondering about support groups. I haven't found any that really "hit the spot", dealing with this abandonment/rejection trauma seems to need something more than just "fellowship" or community. But for right now that seems a lot better than more therapy for me.
The abandonement/no support issue from family is tough. I try to tough it out but the feelings are real and like you said if anyone would be there for you it would be your family. Sometimes I wonder how it was that I got the short end of the stick when I donít cause it. Iím not alone.

I though about groups support but thatís not for
Me. It becomes an attention competition and there are people who like to dominate the session. Thatís not for me either. I need one on one interaction. Plus I donít feel comfortable speaking to others about my deep thoughts and issues. Some people like to make their issues known to others but thatís not me.

Itís almost like thereís a missing piece to this puzzle and I canít grasp it. I guess if I had currently had someone in my life now that was supportive and would be there for me then it would be better. Thatís not something I can control. Iíve had no luck in that department as well. Almost all of my relationships Iím the one that supplies either with emotional support or some type of aide. I donít mind but it doesnít get reciprocated. I guess I donít expect it to.
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