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Unread 08-12-2017, 09:37 PM   #1
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Default Done With T

I felt bad for spamming the larger threads, so I opted to post separately about what I've been going through with my T. I posted about our session earlier today here. It's been so difficult for me to deal with all of this,
especially since I am/was so attached to him. I feel like a failure that the relationship fell apart, I guess because it only serves my hypothesis that I do have BPD. I idealized him, and now I'm devaluing him. I sent him the following e-mail this evening to terminate services:

Quote:
Hello,

I apologize that I am contacting you outside of session. This is contrary to my nature, and I hope you are able to appreciate how difficult this is for me.

At this time, I would like to end the therapeutic relationship between us. While I feel that I have been able to achieve considerable insights and make some gain in our time together, I also feel that continuing to work together will only serve as further detriment to my current emotional state. You said today that I was sensing frustration from you in regards to our work, and I believe that is an accurate representation of what I've interpreted from our last few sessions. This has evoked for me profound feelings of despair, which has only compounded similar feelings brought on by other recent events in my life. I also feel as though you have been dismissive of what I feel are serious concerns as of late. Perhaps you are accurate in saying that I am strong and resilient, as it was only through sheer determination of will that I did not act upon the impulsive thoughts that I had immediately following our session today.

I would like to thank you for the positive outcomes that stem from our work together, though it is difficult at this juncture to do so. I do feel that I am able to more accurately identify what it is that triggers my episodes of destructive depression, and that this knowledge has helped me to slightly lessen their duration and frequency.

I would like to request any referrals you may have for a suitable therapist for me to visit in the future should I decide to continue seeking therapeutic services. Thank you for your time and consideration.

Daisy
I guess I'm just looking for support through what's been a very difficult time. I'm also going through a lot in my personal life and my professional life, so frankly it all feels like it's falling apart at the seams.
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Unread 08-12-2017, 09:47 PM   #2
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Default Re: Done With T

Daisy - that whole idealizing/devaluing thing with BPD has never cut ice with me. Because we all do that to some degree in our relationships. You seemed fond of RoboT in your posts on here, but not idealizing. And my sense is he hasn't been too present for you the last couple sessions, so I wouldn't call it devaluing. I would call it your valid reaction.

As for BPD in general, I don't know if you want a diagnosis of it or not - I get the sense not. But the more I read about it the more skeptical I am of it as a viable diagnosis. It is not as cut and dried as DSM makes it out to be.
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Unread 08-12-2017, 09:53 PM   #3
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Default Re: Done With T

I'm sorry, Daisy, it sounds like this has been really rough for you. I hope your T crafts a reply that gives you what you need from him.
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Unread 08-12-2017, 09:55 PM   #4
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Default Re: Done With T

Quote:
Originally Posted by atisketatasket View Post
Daisy - that whole idealizing/devaluing thing with BPD has never cut ice with me. Because we all do that to some degree in our relationships. You seemed fond of RoboT in your posts on here, but not idealizing. And my sense is he hasn't been too present for you the last couple sessions, so I wouldn't call it devaluing. I would call it your valid reaction.

As for BPD in general, I don't know if you want a diagnosis of it or not - I get the sense not. But the more I read about it the more skeptical I am of it as a viable diagnosis. It is not as cut and dried as DSM makes it out to be.
I don't particularly want any diagnosis, and I would agree with you that any of the Cluster B diagnoses aren't cut and dried. I do know that I have significant struggles with impulsivity and emotional regulation. It's the idealization/devaluing that I'm iffy on.

Regardless of what the label is (BPD, CPTSD), I feel like my prognosis is not good. I wanted T today to say that there is hope, maybe I can get better. Instead I heard that he's been frustrated with our work together and he feels like he's failing me. So perhaps I can't be helped. I know that he's not the one that can help anymore. I feel like we've spun our wheels trying to repair months of damage, and frankly, he and I would be done in 4 months whether or not things got better. I just need to move on, I guess.
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Unread 08-12-2017, 09:58 PM   #5
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Default Re: Done With T

Honestly, your email sounds quite calm and measured, not impulsive and devaluing. You sound thoughtful and hurt, which is entirely appropriate. I agree with ATAT that your reactions to your t are quite normal and healthy.

Sorry T let you down like this. Jerk.
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Unread 08-12-2017, 10:08 PM   #6
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Default Re: Done With T

I agree with ATAT and KC.

I'd also add -- eff all diagnoses at this point (I understand the urge, all too well, to name and identify things [however imperfectly] in an effort to impose order on what feels like unbearable internal chaos but I also think doing so can take one down roads that are sort of hard to come back from, especially when embarked on at times of incredible fragility).

I would think -- as ruthlessly objectively as possible -- if any modicum of support you could obtain from the T would help make a material difference to your emotional life right now. If not, then the answer is clear. If yes, then perhaps continuing for the time being -- while being excruciatingly explicit about the hurt / pain you're experiencing by his behavior -- might be the way to go while also working towards the December date and obtaining referrals during the interim (and potentially checking out the referrals while continuing to see him)?
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Unread 08-12-2017, 10:18 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by awkwardlyyours View Post
I agree with ATAT and KC.

I'd also add -- eff all diagnoses at this point (I understand the urge, all too well, to name and identify things [however imperfectly] in an effort to impose order on what feels like unbearable internal chaos but I also think doing so can take one down roads that are sort of hard to come back from, especially when embarked on at times of incredible fragility).

I would think -- as ruthlessly objectively as possible -- if any modicum of support you could obtain from the T would help make a material difference to your emotional life right now. If not, then the answer is clear. If yes, then perhaps continuing for the time being -- while being excruciatingly explicit about the hurt / pain you're experiencing by his behavior -- might be the way to go while also working towards the December date and obtaining referrals during the interim (and potentially checking out the referrals while continuing to see him)?
I guess I've always conceptualized diagnosis in a way where it helps to makes sense of all of the internal strife. But you're right. There's really no need to cling to a diagnosis, save if I were to start exploring starting to take psychotropic medications again. I'm considering it.

Thank you for asking about support from T. I honestly don't think there's anything to gain there. I said to him today how hurt I was a couple of weeks ago when I felt that he wanted to be rid of me, and his response was to express his frustrations in my treatment. Anything that he says now...I probably wouldn't believe him.
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Unread 08-12-2017, 10:40 PM   #8
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Default Re: Done With T

I just don't see how a failed therapy relationship is a meaningful reflection of the client's true self. It's not real life. Could bring out some true aspects, but could just as easily be a serious distortion. There is a formal logical fallacy that relates to this, conflating a game with real life.

As for DSM "diagnoses" i think it's very important for mental health to reject them out of hand.
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Unread 08-12-2017, 10:46 PM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BudFox View Post
I just don't see how a failed therapy relationship is a meaningful reflection of the client's true self. It's not real life. Could bring out some true aspects, but could just as easily be a serious distortion. There is a formal logical fallacy that relates to this, conflating a game with real life.

As for DSM "diagnoses" i think it's very important for mental health to reject them out of hand.
I had a feeling that this thread would draw you in.

I agree and I don't. The therapeutic relationship is inherently outside of reality, but it's still real in the sense that both the therapist and the client are real people with real emotions. So while it could easily be a distortion, it could also be used to illuminate patterns of behavior or interaction that are worth looking at.
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Unread 08-13-2017, 01:06 AM   #10
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Default Re: Done With T

I found the therapy relationship had little connection to how interacted outside it. As a supplicant seeking some kind of vague enlightenment the therapist seemed to dose in tiny drops, it left me enfeebled, infantilized and adulating. They made the rules, owned the narrative and identified me as the defective in the presence of their powerful omniscience. I disrobed emotionally, they concealed. I thought I needed "something"; they pretended to sell it. They pretended to understand me--but didn't. There was no mutual flow or give and take. Every exchange was within the time-limited framework of an engineered structure. Whatever affection shown stopped when the money did.

My outside relationships were by no means perfect. I had many changes I needed to make. But nothing was as delusional, exploitative and unbalanced as this.
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