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Unread 01-02-2011, 10:08 AM   #1
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Default How do you stop yourself freaking out?

Hope this is the right place to post this...

Just wondering how you do this? To give the question some context, I wrote my T a letter during the holidays telling him of some times which have been unable to forget when I felt he hurt me. I have not been able to tell him in session as I have been too scared of humilation, rejection, confrontation etc etc. I dont currently have a scheduled appointment to see him again, and now I am panicking big time about what he will say about the letter, whether he will even respond, whether I even still have a T, what happens if the letter gets lost in the post and he never reads it- so many thoughts I feel like my head is going to explode! The worst case scenario in all of this would be for him ignore the letter and never contact me again, and that is what is really scaring me- what if I am abandoned by him- and I can't stand unpredictable behaviour in others.

I just dont know how to calm myself down and reassure myself because I have so many doubts. Do you have any opinions on this scenario or anything that helps you calm yourself down.thanks.
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Unread 01-02-2011, 10:34 AM   #2
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Default Re: How do you stop yourself freaking out?

Chronic: I did the same thing over the holidays. Sent an email to my T and told her that I was upset and hurt by something she did. I was a nervous wreck after I sent it. Worried about the same things you mentioned.

I ended up staying in bed for like 3 days! Wondering if she would reply. Thankfully, she did! She actually commended me that I showed anger and was able to express my hurt feelings and what I needed from her. She saw this as 'growth'.

I still have been anxiety ridden about it. I see her this week and it will be hard to sit down face to face with her. I don't normally take my anxiety meds that often, but I have this past week. I couldn't sleep or even leave the house because I was grieving over what I had done, and worrying if I had ruined my relationship with my T.

Telling you how to not 'freak out' about it is not something I can do. I can totally relate to how you are feeling. I, too, would like to know how I can stop freaking out when I get worried/anxious/upset about things.

Does he normally answer your emails? If he does, and you don't hear from him, I would send him another email and ask him to give some feedback on what you wrote.

They are the professionals. We pay them to be our 'stable' person. I think it is his responsibility to give you some kind of response.

I know how you feel
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Unread 01-02-2011, 11:00 AM   #3
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Default Re: How do you stop yourself freaking out?

If you have a good T, he will probably accept your letter and take what you wrote seriously. I had a similar situation about 1 1/2 years ago, and my T responded very well, and it was an opening to work together very well.

As for how to stop yourself freaking out, you could try to do somethingthat takes up a lot of mental energy. Read, write, or something like that. If you don't have the concentration to do that, do something that takes physical energy, like exercising or walking. That usually helps me calm my mind.
"People are afraid of what they might find if they try to analyze themselves too much, but you have to crawl into the wound to discover what your fears are. Once the bleeding starts, the cleansing can begin." - Tori Amos
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Unread 01-02-2011, 11:11 AM   #4
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Default Re: How do you stop yourself freaking out?

Chronic- waiting can be really tough, can't it?
Could you follow up with a voice mail, asking that your T look for your letter and respond? Then maybe work on distracting yourself though activties you like to do, a mix of phsyical and mental activities can be helpful. Also maybe set a deadline for re-contacting, such as - if I don't hear from T by Wed pm, I'll contact again and see where's it's at? Then plan a lot of things to do..
It sometimes works better fo me if I know ahead of time that I will only need to distract myself for a set amount of time, even if the only goal is that I will do something after that time. It can feel more like you are in control then just waiting until who knows when.
Best of luck-
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Unread 01-02-2011, 12:29 PM   #5
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Default Re: How do you stop yourself freaking out?

Well done for sending the letter and describing how hurt you feel!

Yes, the anxiety can be really hard, especially when you factor in all the uncertainties of snail mail. Over time, my T and I have developed ways to contain the anxiety e.g. at the end of an email, I'll write, 'could you text me when you've read this?'. If it were me, I'd email your T and say 'My anxiety is sky high because I sent you a letter over the holidays and I don't know if you've got it or read it or how you'll respond. Would you mind letting me know what will happen next?'- I don't know if this is an option for you?
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Unread 01-02-2011, 12:46 PM   #6
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Default Re: How do you stop yourself freaking out?

You accept that you don't know what you don't know, that you can't know what you don't know, and that until you find out what's real, you can't make it up.
It takes practice but is anxiety-relieving.
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Unread 01-02-2011, 05:55 PM   #7
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Default Re: How do you stop yourself freaking out?

Chronic, perhaps a very concrete place to start with beginning to relieve the anxiety is to schedule an appointment with your T. Then you will know that at least you will be seeing him again and will have a time to discuss all of this. If you feel you won't be able to bring topic of the letter up in session, you could tell him that. So after you schedule the appointment, email him and write something like, "I hope you got the letter I sent earlier. I would like to discuss it at our session. Can you help me bring up this topic?" I have asked for help from my T in bringing up difficult topics and he has always made a note of it and made sure to bring it up at our next session. Sometimes I sit there when he brings it up and wish I had never asked him to do that! Taking action helps me tolerate the anxiety, so I know scheduling an appointment would help me if I were in your situation. Good luck. Hang in there with the wait.
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