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Old 01-03-2013, 10:43 AM   #1
brokensoul1984
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Default postpartum depression or OCD ? help

I'm severely suffering after childbirth with OCD or postpartum depression* i don't know(afraid to harm my family, child) and it's a real horror. Often I think that it would be better if i died. I'm afraid of knives, scissors, any kind of laces, iron... I'm scared to death to approach the window with my baby in my arms. My heart starts pounding if I see some of those "dangerous" things. I would never hurt my child, so why these thoughts keep coming into my mind? I LOVE MY CHILD MORE THAN LIFE.

What is it? How can it be cured? I'm going to find a doctor but if someone answers I'll be grateful
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Old 01-03-2013, 12:11 PM   #2
lynn P.
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Default Re: postpartum depression or OCD ? help

Sorry you're suffering and scared brokensoul1984. Did you have OCD or any of these issues before childbirth?? I'm trying to understand if this is an OCD problem or from Postpartum. Childbirth can be very stressful on the body and mind, so sometimes hormones are off balance, therefore none of this is your fault.

To ease your mind about these thoughts - it obvious you don't want to hurt anyone and these thoughts are just upsetting you. One important thing to remember is the intention of the thought - you don't want to hurt anyone. Let me give you a simple example - if the thought of eating garbage keeps coming in your mind, you're not going to eat garbage....right? Same thing if the other thoughts pop in - you don't want to hurt your baby.

I saw on another thread you're breast feeding - try to keep doing this since it increases mother/baby bond and is great for you / your baby. The important thing to remember is, this can happen to any mother and you can get the right help. Make sure you tell your doctor you've been feeling worse and make it clear you're not a danger...... but just scared by the thoughts. I hope you start feelings better soon with help from your doctor.
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Old 01-04-2013, 12:59 AM   #3
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I was never given a OCD diagnosis, but i think it was always there in different forms but never so severe. Earlier I had obsessive thoughts about trains I was terribly afraid of them - I thought it will cut off my legs, then I was afraid the same thing could happen to someone of my family (dad). It started in a few years after my aunt told a story about a woman to whom this horrible thing actually happened. I couldn't get rid of those and once almost refused of a train trip. Often i selected buses though they are more expensive. When my dad went by train to other city I prayed for almost an hour and I had to tell all the prayers to st. Mary that were in the prayer book cause I thought only that way nothing will happen...

When I was 16 I started having sacrilegious thoughts despite I'm a religious person. These where swearing and other disgusting things. I was so confused that started thinking I was obsessed by evil.

I also had obsessions of sexual character but so disgusting I don't want to talk about it. So that's why I thought it's OCD. Maybe OCD is mixed with PPD God knows....
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Old 01-04-2013, 01:42 AM   #4
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oh! one more thing. I also had irrational fears to find my naked fotos or a porn film with me on the Internet, despite i don't have any of those, and I'm definitely not a porn star.
Oh, God! and one more thing - just for you to know i have nothing against other races or nationalities and respect all people.
BUT! I was afraid my child will be born with black skin (me and husband are white), despite i never betrayed my husband and i don't even know any person with black skin (in me country people are mostly white).... and so I imagined my husband's shock, cause if the baby's skin color is different I'm definitely a very bad girl...

So, I prayed every evening so that child was like his dad so he could never doubt that it's his....God, that sounds like total insanity, and I'm so ashamed of myself, but telling this gives me relief
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Old 01-10-2013, 09:36 AM   #5
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My son is twelve now , but right after he was born I was said to have post partum depression. I do not believe I really had it. I do not live with my boy , I still miss him very much. I think if you make some friends with common interests you will
receive good encouragement and pray and talk with others at the church you will
receive healing and you will not suffer any more. Don't give up you have friends.
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Old 01-13-2013, 07:41 PM   #6
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Default Re: postpartum depression or OCD ? help

What you are describing sounds like classic OCD to me. I think what Lynn said was right on: it doesn't sounds like you are truly going to do those things, it's the fear and the thoughts themselves that are upsetting you. It's highly treatable with therapy-lots of people use CBT. Do you have a therapist?
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