[WishfulThinker66]

I have been having a difficult time this week. The triggers have been near constant to the point I have been making myself sick most mornings and the constant bracing myself for the memories and difficulties that arise.

I have a number of contributors to my PTSD. They may sound trivial. Yep, I was significantly bullied and have Childhood Emotional Neglect (some of it traumatic in nature). More significantly has been the physical and emotional trauma experienced as a woman in the Navy. I learned not to trust those around me - particularly those in a leadership or authority position. In addition to this, making it all the more difficult, I was assaulted some years ago by a customer in the workplace. That is the background.

I work retail and at times difficult customers have really quite frightened me. I have done my best not to publicly react. The affects of such situations usually occur after the fact once I find myself alone. Shaking terribly and crying as the flashbacks come my way happen as I drive home for example. There are times I must pull over until driving is no longer a danger.

Well, as stupid as it sounds, this Boxing Week has been awful. Customers are stressed and irritable. This has heightened my senses and as a result I am constantly braced for the worse to happen. Being yelled at, sworn at, and threatened has occured and more frequently than one would imagine. I feel as though each and every customer is a threat. The being on alert for eight hours each day is taking its toll.

I don't expect anyone to be able to help folks. I write instead just to get this out of my system. I can't hold onto this without bursting.

[seeker33]

I'm sorry you're struggling so badly. I hope things calm down soon.

[leomama]

I understand what you are saying. I decided to overcome my ptsd and go back to work but I’m regretting that now. I also work retail, the food service side of retail and i find guiding principle miserable “get customers in and out as quick as possible”. It’s depressing. I also don’t know how to help myself but you’re right , talking about it is useful.