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Old 06-18-2018, 10:41 AM   #1
stahrgeyzer
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Default Those who fear people, being loved, & emotions

As far back as I can remember Iíve always had the most intense fear of being loved, emotions, and people in general. I remember so clearly being very little sitting in the back seat of the car every day and often having anxiety and fear of my parents saying something like they love me. Strange, I canít understand why. My 1st day of kindergarten and most days thereafter I ran hiding behind the bush for fear of people, not wanting to be near people. In 1st to 3rd grade during play session I followed the lady around everywhere.

As an adult I really really really donít like earth humans. Hugging seems nice but it's horrible when anyone hugs me. I wish some ETs would beam me up and take me away from this hell. People seem fake, like they're completely different than I am. That includes therapists.
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Old 06-18-2018, 11:03 AM   #2
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Originally Posted by stahrgeyzer View Post
As far back as I can remember Iíve always had the most intense fear of being loved, emotions, and people in general. I remember so clearly being very little sitting in the back seat of the car every day and often having anxiety and fear of my parents saying something like they love me. Strange, I canít understand why. My 1st day of kindergarten and most days thereafter I ran hiding behind the bush for fear of people, not wanting to be near people. In 1st to 3rd grade during play session I followed the lady around everywhere.

As an adult I really really really donít like earth humans. Hugging seems nice but it's horrible when anyone hugs me. I wish some ETs would beam me up and take me away from this hell. People seem fake, like they're completely different than I am. That includes therapists.
Personally, I think you're afraid of commitment because of the possibility of being rejected.

It seems to me that your parents weren't supportive enough to understand the deep emotional need you seek, and because of that "feeling" you experience now has been hard wired into your psych.

The fear of rejection can be cured, however...separating the humans from your kind is not only a long dusty road, it's not going to take you where you need to be. In example, to be accepted and loved. BUT you're aware of this already, just not sure how to have an escape plan..

I come in peace
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Old 06-18-2018, 11:25 AM   #3
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How does a 3 year old child get such fear of rejection?
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Old 06-18-2018, 01:16 PM   #4
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"In 1st to 3rd grade during play session I followed the lady around everywhere."

This tells me you wanted someone to care for you back then, but weren't getting that. You didn't mention your parents much and how they treated you overall, so I can only assume here, but that comment strikes me as wanting a solid parental figure. That lady was security to you. Were you abused or neglected by your parents? You don't have to answer if you don't want. If you were, this might be why you don't like the idea of hugs. Maybe for you a hug came with pain and so you learned to not like it at a very early age, or maybe a hug never came at all so you never learned what it felt like.

"People seem fake"

Well, sorry to say, but they are. It's human nature to "fake nice" for the benefit of society. We're supposed to lie, white lie or not, right to people's faces if it will keep them happy. "Ignorance is bliss" is the most true statement to human nature. Probably not what you want to hear, but that's just the sad truth of it... If aliens exist there's no telling if they're any better though, and even if they were always honest, would you be able to handle it? Most people can't handle brutal honesty is why I ask. I'm not implying you can't, but it's something to consider. "No fakeness" seems nice on paper, but comes with issues of its own.
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Old 06-18-2018, 04:05 PM   #5
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The abuse came from my brother who was literally insane. He's about 8 years older than me. I'm afraid the poor girl who lived across the street, my age, was tortured. My mom used to babysit her. They moved away but in high school we met once. She said she's severely traumatized by my brother. I don't have much childhood memories but remember a few things like my brother doing things to me like hanging me up high by the neck by ropes and stuff. My sister tells horror stories of him. She's 8 years older than my brother, so he was young when she was in high school but she said one time she brought her boyfriend over to the house and my brother got a baseball bat and beat the poor kid very badly. Everyone says he was a holy terror during childhood. My mom said she practically lived at the principal's office. So who knows what he did to me when I was a baby.

As for neglect, a lot of people probably had that. My parents have said a lot of times that they took a different approach to me, a hands off approach. Whatever that means. Can neglect hurt a child that much?
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Old 06-18-2018, 07:23 PM   #6
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Holy crap your brother sounds scary. o.o' It's probably good you don't remember much of that, and that's a defense mechanism we humans sometimes have. His abuse definitely could be the cause of how you feel now. Someone who should have protected you from the monstrosities of this world was in fact a monster himself.

Absolutely neglect can have that effect on a person. My mom was pretty "hands off" and verbally didn't say much in the way of encouragement and the only contact I had from my dad was neutral and negative, so while I fear and avoid contact from people (not as badly as you), I still want it very badly. I know what it feels like thanks to my grandma. She would give me cuddles until I was a teenager and was forced to stop because I was literally too big.
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