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Old 05-28-2018, 03:59 PM   #1
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Default Advice? (Possibly ASPD Related)

Normally I wouldn't post on an anonymous website about how I am feeling because it comes off as cringey. However, in this instance I need anonymous opinions because my real-life contacts have taken a hit, probably because of what I did... or actually, didn't do.

To start, I don't tend to sympathize well with other people. I mean that in a very matter-of-fact way. People come to me for honest opinions and and answers to questions because they know I will give them answers to their problems, even if they aren't what I know they want to hear. I don't really play favorites when it comes to that. They deserve the truth. Especially if they haven't heard it before.

That being said, I rarely talk to other people about my actual feelings, even if they ask. I've noticed my emotions aren't like other people's emotions, and while that doesn't really concern me, it does make it difficult to navigate when other people are angry with me for not feeling the way they do about a specific topic. I'm not stupid, I've read about Antisocial Personality Disorder, among a few other disorders that might be the cause behind my "issues." But something about them doesn't feel right. Out of all of them sociopathy tends to fit the most, but even that falls short, because while I fit the signs, I am missing a few. (I rarely get into trouble, I don't really break the law, I respect authority (for the most part), etc)
All I know is that I just can't navigate their emotional needs properly without faking it, and I have a tendency to do weird things. Like I find torturing ants or other bugs a good way to pass time when I am bored (which is often), or I find roadkill and I mutilate it or preserve different body parts because I think they are beautiful in their own way. I would never say that for others to hear, though. There's more, of course but I think you get the point. Just writing about it is going against most of what I want. But I am here for answers.

The main reason why I am here today posting is because my father and I had an argument over his new girlfriend. I'm honestly okay with him dating, my parent's divorce was years ago and I am well-ajusted, and figured that mess out by myself. Per usual, of course. But I can't really wrap my head around her. Like her in herself. I get this extremely negative feeling when she comes around and it is frustrating me because I can't properly explain it to myself. It is not jealousy; I've felt that. It's different and I dislike it.

So when my father asked me how I felt, I naturally told him I didn't wish to foster a relationship at the time, but I don't want you or her to think I dislike her. There's no reason for me to. I figured I just needed some time to think through things like I always do. He couldn't understand this, and told me I was selfish and uncaring, and a few other choice words and essentially kicked me out of the house for the week to spend it with my mom.

And of course, this didn't really affect me. He's turbulent and relies heavily instinct to drive his choices and while this was uncharacteristic of him, I can see why he was upset. He can't really navigate this, and his actions honestly made me quite upset as well. Not because I was guilty, no. But because he asked for my honest opinion and the proceeded to get angry after I gave it to him. Perhaps this is what people mean when they say masks are necessary? In this instance should I have lied to him? I think I should have. My mom taking me to a psychiatrist this week because if the whole ordeal. I forgot to mention I've just turned 18.

I suppose my question is what would you do in my situation? I know what I am probably going to do, but humor me and tell me your thoughts. On anything. About me, about the situation. Whatever you feel. If there's anyone out there who has ASPD in any form and can give me insight, that would be cool too.

Thank you.
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Old 05-31-2018, 04:54 PM   #2
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Well... I actually read your post the day you posted it. But I didn't reply because I didn't think there was much of anything, of any consequence, I could offer. That may well still be the case. However since no one has yet replied to your post, I thought I'd take a swing at it, so to speak. (Hope you're still around to read my reply.)

Given what little I know of the whole situation you describe, since you know your father is "turbulent" & "relies heavily on instinct", my inclination would have been to try to simply say something as neutral as possible. (I really dislike confrontation!) I'd have probably gone with something like: "She seems nice. But what's important is how you feel about her. If you're happy... then I'm happy." As my father used to say, many years ago, "discretion is the better part of valor..."

I was struck by your mention that your mom is taking you to a psychiatrist as a result of this occurrence. To me that seems like an extreme reaction. I don't know how things work where you live. But where I live, all most psychiatrists do is to prescribe & monitor psychiatric medications. In order to talk about mental-health-related concerns, a person would typically see a mental health therapist, or in some cases perhaps, a psychologist. I'm certainly no expert with regard to these sorts of things, but what you described just sounds to me like a pretty normal family dispute between a parent & a young adult... not something that should result in a trip to a psychiatrist's office. But perhaps there's more to this than you could write in your post. Under any circumstances, I wish you well...
Speak only if you can improve upon the silence.
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Old 06-01-2018, 02:57 PM   #3
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Default Re: Advice? (Possibly ASPD Related)

Thank you for taking the time to respond, even though you didn't think it would be much help. I inevitably stood my ground, and I told him I wanted him to be happy, but he had to give me more time, and not spring her appearance on me, because I feel as though that should be warranted. He still didn't listen to that and brought her to my graduation ceremony without my knowledge. :/
I suppose we will see where this goes.

My brother has had difficulties in the past with self harm, depression and anxiety, which is why I'm assuming my father jumped to the psychiatrist. (I probably wasn't clear, but he's the one who wants me to go.) I never really got depressed or upset after the divorce happened, my brother took it terribly though. I think he just assumes something isn't right in my head, and those are the folks we are most familiar with through the experiences my brother had. He (my father) told me he doesn't understand why I wouldn't want to be around his girlfriend, or why I prefer to be alone rather than go out, etc, which is why he wants me to go. It's weird. I figured I might as well go and just have them prove to him I'm okay.
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