|04-20-2017, 12:49 AM||#1|
laceyf5 has no updates.
Member Since: Aug 2015
Thinking about my friend
I have a toxic childhood friend of mine who fits every symptom and trait associated with HPD.
We were best friends in middle and high school, and most of my memories were of her convincing me to participate in her attention seeking activities and bouncing from boyfriend to boyfriend (she bragged she had sex for the 16th time on her 16th birthday). Any attention I received from a guy would cause her to mercilessly demean me in front of him. She would spend upwards of 3 hours obsessively putting on makeup. She had kids at a young age and would wear mega push up bras and dress like she was going to a club at their birthday parties. She was queen of the selfie before the term existed, and burned through friendships just as quickly as she burned through men. When she finally divorced her husband 7 years ago, she spiralled completely out of control.
I have distanced myself from her but her Mom sends me updates and asks for help. She currently is serving a 4 month jail sentence in one state, and has concurrent sentences for two other felonies to serve in 2 separate states mostly for meth, as well as stealing a car and smuggling drugs. She's a hot mess.
I was asked to write a letter on her behalf to attest to her character, I'm assuming to try and get her released early. I can't think of anything positive to say, in my opinion she belongs where she is. However, I think it might be helpful to write a letter documenting my interactions and how I believe she needs psychiatric treatment. I spoke to another mutual childhood friend, and she agrees completely with the assessment that she has an undiagnosed personality disorder - most likey histrionic. Serving a jail sentence will not fix her problems, and we are not uncaring about her predicament.
If anyone has advise please share. I don't know if court ordered therapy is a thing, she did have significant trauma as a young girl. Her half brother sexually molested her from when she was 5 until she was 11. I would want to include that in my letter as well. I just want her to get the help she needs.
|04-21-2017, 03:01 PM||#2|
Wise Old Troll
Skeezyks has no updates.
Member Since: Oct 2015
Location: The Minne-apple
Posts: 10,368 (SuperPoster!)
Re: Thinking about my friend
Hello lacey: I'm sorry I really am not able to offer any useful advice here. But I noticed no one had replied to your post. So I thought I would. Unfortunately, if one can believe what one reads, or hears about, in the news the prisons are full of people with mental health disorders. So I don't know as your friend's situation is necessarily unusual.
I think if I were in your situation, I would see if I could find someone who has some relevant expertise who could give me some guidance as to how to proceed. I'd probably start by calling my local mental health association & then branch out from there. If they said they couldn't help, I'd ask them for suggestions as to who possibly could & I'd contact them.
It might take several calls to find someone who can be helpful. And it's possible you might not find someone at all. But it might also end up having been worth the effort... assuming you have sufficient interest to warrant the time & effort it will take. Years ago I used to do advocacy sorts of work. And this type of activity was often my "bread-&-butter", as the saying goes. Good luck.
In cultivating compassion we draw from the wholeness of our experience—our suffering, our empathy, as well as our cruelty and terror. It has to be this way. Compassion is not a relationship between the healer and the wounded. It’s a relationship between equals. Only when we know our own darkness well can we be present with the darkness of others. Compassion becomes real when we recognize our shared humanity. Pema Chödrön- The Places That Scare You