Psych Central

Go Back   Forums at Psych Central > Health & Other Support > Partners of People & Caregivers Support



advertisement
Reply
Thread Tools Display Modes
Unread 08-11-2017, 02:36 PM   #1
Junior Member
 
noctem's Avatar
noctem has no updates.
 
Member Since: Aug 2017
Location: Florida
Posts: 16
My Mood:

Default New here! Overwhelmed with my husband's schizoaffective. Need coping advice/tips.

I love my husband. He's basically a hard-working guy with a major cruel streak. He was diagnosed with schizoaffective earlier this year.

While we were dating and different towns, everything was incredible. I fell pregnant unexpectedly so that moved up the idea of moving in together. We got married so I could take advantage of his insurance benefits.

After we moved in together I really started to see a cruel, abusive side to him. We would go through cycles of extreme happiness and extreme misery. Being pregnant around him was the worst experience of my entire life. He picked unnecessary fights with me, harassed me when he knew I was upset, said the most horrible things to me to insult me to my core, casually discussed leaving me, and I often left the home we shared together to drive 2 hours to go stay with my mom to get away from him.

One of my last prenatal check ups almost ended in induction because he fought with me so much that my blood pressure would get dangerously high. Our daughter ultimately arrived earlier than expected but still healthy. He joked saying I should thank him for all the stress because that allowed me to deliver a smaller baby.

We have since separated but still see each other. He started Seroquel but didn't stick with it. I noticed a difference when he was on it but he doesn't like it. He pretty much pretends he doesn't have the diagnosis given to him. His temper is so flippant, I wouldn't be able to stand rebuilding a relationship with him if he didn't get put back on some kind of medication, not for my sake or the sake of our daughter.

He has children from a previous marriage and I'm appalled by how nasty he speaks to them. He cusses at them, calls them curse words, and makes nasty comments about his ex-wife directly to them (including saying that he wished she'd kill herself).

That's the ugly part.

The nice side of him is hardworking and caring. He does speak nicely to me sometimes. He tells me how much he appreciates me, etc. He is genuine at times but also a gaslighter.

I've tried to set up "safe words" to try to cool him down. Those don't really work. He needs medicine and needs to acknowledge his problem.

HOW do you do this with a stubborn person.

I just don't know what to do with him.
noctem is offline   Reply With Quote

advertisement
Unread 08-11-2017, 04:27 PM   #2
Legendary
 
fishin fool's Avatar
fishin fool has no updates.
 
Member Since: Apr 2015
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 10,498 (SuperPoster!)
My Mood:

2 yr Member
2,226 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: New here! Overwhelmed with my husband's schizoaffective. Need coping advice/tips.

Welcome aboard
__________________
I traded it in for a whole 'nother world
A pirate flag and an island girl
fishin fool is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 08-11-2017, 07:07 PM   #3
Junior Member
 
noctem's Avatar
noctem has no updates.
 
Member Since: Aug 2017
Location: Florida
Posts: 16
My Mood:

Default Re: New here! Overwhelmed with my husband's schizoaffective. Need coping advice/tips.

Quote:
Originally Posted by fishin fool View Post
Welcome aboard
Thank you
noctem is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 08-12-2017, 05:21 PM   #4
Legendary
 
Miguel'smom's Avatar
Miguel'smom has no updates.
 
Member Since: Apr 2012
Location: Earth
Posts: 10,519 (SuperPoster!)
My Mood:

5 yr Member
3,234 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: New here! Overwhelmed with my husband's schizoaffective. Need coping advice/tips.

Have you told him he needs meds and therapy or your walking away?. That's all you can do. Stick to it if he doesn't do not accept his calls. He needs to realize you're true to your word. If he doesn't do it that's up to him and HE can start divorce proceedings if he wants but you will not raise your child in an unstable environment. I had to have my husband threaten to leave before getting help.
__________________
Dx:
Me- schizoaffective, ED NOS 100 mg lamictal ODT, Zyprexa ODT 10 mg
Husband- Bipolar 1
Son- mood disorder nos


Comfortable broken and happy

Daisypath Anniversary tickers
Miguel'smom is offline   Reply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Unread 08-12-2017, 08:34 PM   #5
Poohbah
 
starrysky's Avatar
starrysky is rooting for you
 
Member Since: Sep 2014
Location: Outerspace
Posts: 1,295
2 yr Member
971 hugs
given
Default Re: New here! Overwhelmed with my husband's schizoaffective. Need coping advice/tips.

I don't see what the schizoaffective diagnosis has to do with being cruel. It sounds like he is abusive. Honestly, I wouldn't feel safe raising my child around someone like that. You deserve better. Good luck.
starrysky is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 08-13-2017, 05:15 PM   #6
Legendary Wise Elder
 
Travelinglady's Avatar
Travelinglady is packing for another trip.
 
Member Since: Sep 2010
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 26,721 (SuperPoster!)
My Mood:

5 yr Member
13.9k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: New here! Overwhelmed with my husband's schizoaffective. Need coping advice/tips.

Hi, noctem, and welcome to Psych Central! Sounds like he got mean after you got pregnant. Sounds like he doesn't even like children. Something to think about. I'm sure he won't be nice to his new daughter either.
__________________
Travelinglady is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 08-14-2017, 09:41 AM   #7
Junior Member
 
noctem's Avatar
noctem has no updates.
 
Member Since: Aug 2017
Location: Florida
Posts: 16
My Mood:

Default Re: New here! Overwhelmed with my husband's schizoaffective. Need coping advice/tips.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Miguel'smom View Post
Have you told him he needs meds and therapy or your walking away?. That's all you can do. Stick to it if he doesn't do not accept his calls. He needs to realize you're true to your word. If he doesn't do it that's up to him and HE can start divorce proceedings if he wants but you will not raise your child in an unstable environment. I had to have my husband threaten to leave before getting help.
He was abundantly nicer when he was taking his Seroquel. The problem was that he started skipping doses then abandoning it altogether and getting angry with me if I asked if he was still taking it..

He is supposed to be asking his doctor to put him on Abilify this week. He was diagnosed BP years ago and took that for 3 years. He was only more recently diagnosed schizoaffective - even though I'm not sure how he arrived at that diagnosis as I've read some of the stand out symptoms.. my husband is just a miserable human being to be around when he's not medicated. Severe upswings and severe downswings and no control over his vicious mouth. He's never been violent with me or his children. He often comes up with fantastical plots of how I'm cheating on him which is super annoying because I've never even remotely considered it. We currently live 2 hours away from each other but we talk on the phone. He gets euphoric thinking about us getting back together and making all these house purchase, boat purchase, car purchase plans. But he is horrendous with money management and owes thousands of dollars in loans to various people.

There will definitely be an ultimatum attached to the Abilify. I'm trying to sound supportive and upbeat about him going back on Abilify but I'm going to make it very clear to him the next time I see him "No meds, no wife".
noctem is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 08-14-2017, 09:49 AM   #8
Junior Member
 
noctem's Avatar
noctem has no updates.
 
Member Since: Aug 2017
Location: Florida
Posts: 16
My Mood:

Default Re: New here! Overwhelmed with my husband's schizoaffective. Need coping advice/tips.

Quote:
Originally Posted by starrysky View Post
I don't see what the schizoaffective diagnosis has to do with being cruel. It sounds like he is abusive. Honestly, I wouldn't feel safe raising my child around someone like that. You deserve better. Good luck.
I don't fully understand his schizoaffective. When he was taking Seroquel, he was waaaay nicer and calmer, steady. But now, he's in a euphoric state when he visits us (we live 2 hours apart). He day dreams of reconciling our lives. But I know that it's kind of artificial happiness. Living with him when he's not medicated is hell on earth. He's so verbally mean, incredibly self centered, and an expert level manipulator.
noctem is offline   Reply With Quote
Hugs from:
Unread 08-14-2017, 10:02 AM   #9
Junior Member
 
noctem's Avatar
noctem has no updates.
 
Member Since: Aug 2017
Location: Florida
Posts: 16
My Mood:

Default Re: New here! Overwhelmed with my husband's schizoaffective. Need coping advice/tips.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Travelinglady View Post
Hi, noctem, and welcome to Psych Central! Sounds like he got mean after you got pregnant. Sounds like he doesn't even like children. Something to think about. I'm sure he won't be nice to his new daughter either.
He feels that he's a family man. He works very hard to support his children. He's been with the same company for over 13 years. It's just that he looks at his kids like they need to be toughened up by speaking to them like ghetto street talk (lots of f-bombs and street references).. It's not a wholesome approach to parenting at all. He was raised in a deeply religious home and rebelled but he has a desire to reconnect to church life which would be great because I think he needs to really clean up his mouth and thoughts..
noctem is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 08-17-2017, 11:31 AM   #10
Legendary
 
Miguel'smom's Avatar
Miguel'smom has no updates.
 
Member Since: Apr 2012
Location: Earth
Posts: 10,519 (SuperPoster!)
My Mood:

5 yr Member
3,234 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: New here! Overwhelmed with my husband's schizoaffective. Need coping advice/tips.

Sorry I took so long to answer back. If he gets on abilify and it stabilizes him then he can get the injection of abilify ones a month and not have to worry about compliance.
__________________
Dx:
Me- schizoaffective, ED NOS 100 mg lamictal ODT, Zyprexa ODT 10 mg
Husband- Bipolar 1
Son- mood disorder nos


Comfortable broken and happy

Daisypath Anniversary tickers
Miguel'smom is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 11:23 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2017, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.

advertisement

 

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice,
diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.
Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.

 

HomeAbout UsContact UsPrivacy PolicyTerms of UseDisclaimer
Forums HomeCommunity GuidelinesHelp

Helplines and Lifelines