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Unread 05-15-2017, 12:12 AM   #1
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Default Desperate for help for adult sibling with Aspergers and OCD

I have a brother who is 21 and was diagnosed with very high functioning Aspergers and OCD. He was diagnosed with aspergers at an early age and has always had years of various therapies (psychologist, special education plans, social skills groups, physical/occupational therapy, behavioral therapy, biofeedback, visual processing therapy etc.) He was diagnosed with OCD after both of our parents died he had a nervous brake down and was diagnosed with "pure" OCD which is very well controlled with prozac. He currently sees an psychiatrist and is prescribed prozac and has just started ritalin. I am his older brother. We lost both of our parents 2 years ago and he now lives with me. We have no other family or support structure and I am supporting him. I am also currently in graduate school. My brother is fully capable of working and/or going to school, but refuses. When I tried to discuss this with his psychologist the issue was shrugged off and the Dr. suggested we see a family therapist. I've tried 3 family therapists and he basically won't speak to them. One therapist he literally sat in the office silent, the other he refused to get out of the car and go into the office and the final one he cancelled the appointment on his own. He is very stubborn and set in his ways. He dropped out of high school at 16 and got a GED because he simply didn't want to go to school (there was no grade/learning issue and he was taking honors and AP classes). He has never worked a day in his life and his excuse for not working is that he will make minimum wage so why bother. He does not drive even though there is no reason for him not to and he is completely capable of doing so. I have offered him driving lessons but his excuse is that he won't have to because there will be self driving cars. In the mean time I must drive him everywhere. He has no friends. He says everyone is stupid which is why he doesn't want friends. His day essentially revolves around watching TV and browsing the internet. He seems to think that I will always take care of him like our parents did and that he should have no responsibilities. I am 3 years older than him and taking care of him while juggling graduate school and a job has caused great stress in my life. I am scared for his future. I fear I will not always be able to support him and that he will become homeless. He truly believes I will be able to/ want to care for him the rest of his life. When I ask him "tough" questions like what would he do if I became sick or died or if he plans on ever trying to support himself or go to school he becomes angry and we fight. He is very defiant and has no motivation or drive to do anything. I would happily enroll him in anything just to get him to do something with his life. He is very smart but deeply troubled. He is also holding me back in life financially and in terms of personal relationships. Any suggestions?
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Unread 05-15-2017, 07:47 PM   #2
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Hello jas: I'm sorry you find yourself to be in this most difficult situation. I'm afraid all I can say about is that, in my opinion, your brother is the only one who can do anything about his circumstances. You cannot save him from himself. Sooner or later you are going to have to decide how much more of this you are willing to tolerate & what to do about it.

I see this is your first post here on PC. So... to PsychCentral… from the Skeezyks! May the time you spend here be of benefit.

PsychCentral is a great place to get information as well as support for mental health issues. The more you post, & reply to other members’ posts, the more a part of the community you will become. Plus there are social groups you can join & chat rooms where you’ll be able to connect with other PC members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved.) Lots of great stuff! So please keep posting!
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Unread 05-15-2017, 10:26 PM   #3
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Default Re: Desperate for help for adult sibling with Aspergers and OCD

Quote:
Originally Posted by jas123 View Post
I have a brother who is 21 and was diagnosed with very high functioning Aspergers and OCD. He was diagnosed with aspergers at an early age and has always had years of various therapies (psychologist, special education plans, social skills groups, physical/occupational therapy, behavioral therapy, biofeedback, visual processing therapy etc.) He was diagnosed with OCD after both of our parents died he had a nervous brake down and was diagnosed with "pure" OCD which is very well controlled with prozac. He currently sees an psychiatrist and is prescribed prozac and has just started ritalin. I am his older brother. We lost both of our parents 2 years ago and he now lives with me. We have no other family or support structure and I am supporting him. I am also currently in graduate school. My brother is fully capable of working and/or going to school, but refuses. When I tried to discuss this with his psychologist the issue was shrugged off and the Dr. suggested we see a family therapist. I've tried 3 family therapists and he basically won't speak to them. One therapist he literally sat in the office silent, the other he refused to get out of the car and go into the office and the final one he cancelled the appointment on his own. He is very stubborn and set in his ways. He dropped out of high school at 16 and got a GED because he simply didn't want to go to school (there was no grade/learning issue and he was taking honors and AP classes). He has never worked a day in his life and his excuse for not working is that he will make minimum wage so why bother. He does not drive even though there is no reason for him not to and he is completely capable of doing so. I have offered him driving lessons but his excuse is that he won't have to because there will be self driving cars. In the mean time I must drive him everywhere. He has no friends. He says everyone is stupid which is why he doesn't want friends. His day essentially revolves around watching TV and browsing the internet. He seems to think that I will always take care of him like our parents did and that he should have no responsibilities. I am 3 years older than him and taking care of him while juggling graduate school and a job has caused great stress in my life. I am scared for his future. I fear I will not always be able to support him and that he will become homeless. He truly believes I will be able to/ want to care for him the rest of his life. When I ask him "tough" questions like what would he do if I became sick or died or if he plans on ever trying to support himself or go to school he becomes angry and we fight. He is very defiant and has no motivation or drive to do anything. I would happily enroll him in anything just to get him to do something with his life. He is very smart but deeply troubled. He is also holding me back in life financially and in terms of personal relationships. Any suggestions?
Time for tough Love. He is using you to the max. He has a free ride and will not change without motivation. My older brother is the same way. I had to kick him out. Same thing watching TV and internet all day long. Free room and board. It will get worse and worse over time. He needs spiritual help and he has to work... Work not, eat not. A person who is not working at something is dead inside. If you are enabling him, you are digging his grave for him. Tell him if he doesn't go to school or work he has to move out. Set a timetable, get tough. It will do him good in the long run. He mustchange his attitude. There are no free rides in this life, everyone carries his own weight. Shalom.
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Unread 05-17-2017, 09:40 AM   #4
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Default Re: Desperate for help for adult sibling with Aspergers and OCD

I would sign him up for public housing waiting list and as long as he lives with you he needs a job or attend school even a tech school, his choice.
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Unread 05-19-2017, 05:22 AM   #5
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Nip this in the bud NOW...because I have a high-functioning autistic brother who is 46 and I inherited him 5 years ago when my mother died.

He has run away from home when pressed to work (lived in the woods), lied, omitted pertinent information, anything that gets him out of actually doing anything is what he'll do.

He is working about 35 hours per week between 2 jobs but I have to stay on top of him regarding hygiene, grooming, even cleaning his room.

He also takes Prozac. Due to multiple times of him claiming to take it and throwing them away, I now have to give him the pill and watch him take it. If he doesn't take it, he tends toward explosive anger, which is directed at me.

Remember, he is 46. This could be you in 20 years.

Get him plugged into community resources, you'll have to force him to go. Don't bother with therapy, he will sit there like you described or he will superficially participate and hope he won't have to go too much longer. He'll get nothing out of it at all and you'll go crazy.
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