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Unread 02-07-2017, 01:50 AM   #1
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Default Wanting to walkaway?

Do you ever just want to walkaway?I mean up and leave it all and never come back.
My wife has anxiety and depression; none of this is new to me but after 14 years of marriage I am exhausted. This recent bout is taking it's toll on me and my children.
She has been working with her docs on everything. She has been on leave from work for a month now and coming home to the blah is just getting old. I am not trying to be insensitive to her or anyone else dealing with thier disorder. Just looking to vent and see if anyone else feels the same as I do sometimes? Thanks in advance.
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Unread 02-07-2017, 10:38 AM   #2
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Default Re: Wanting to walkaway?

I had a similar experience in my previous relationship. E were together 5 years before his breakdown.
For 6months he stayed in the bedroom with the curtains drawn whilst I ran round after 4 kids under 5.
And tried to keep the house on my pt job.
A lot of times I just wanted to pack it up and go. The kids didn't understand, I didn't know how best to handle things.
Once he got help, and he started leading a more regular life things improved a bit but it was never quite right and he ended up leaving because he decided he didn't want the responsibility of raising a family.

I don't for one moment suggest that will apply to your situation. I just wanted to reassure you.wanting to just walk away is fairly normal.
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Unread 02-08-2017, 07:35 PM   #3
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Default Re: Wanting to walkaway?

Thank you. I know everyone's situation is different; but sometimes it seems like it would be easier. I have taken more time off work for this than anything else over the years. I know it's needed to help her. Thank you again for responding.
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Unread 02-09-2017, 03:55 PM   #4
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Default Re: Wanting to walkaway?

No problem, its a very lonely place to be. You're shut out from them emotionally. Nothing I did could get through, I couldn't voice my frustration or anger because I knew he didn't choose to be like that.
The apathy and aimlessness drove me to distraction..He would obsess over the most inane comments, the ranting that no one understood.
How could I possibly understand hen I had things so easy. Etc.
At his worst it was like he didn't want to get better, at his best Sat and stared at the tv or Xbox day and night, saying nothing.
The thing is it doesn't even have to be that bad. The sense that you no longer know this person your living with, is enough to alter the dynamics other whole relationship. Eventually your wondering is it worth it. I can't help them feel better, I can't fix the problem, And so the list goes on.And all ok wanted as to get away from it.

Look into support groups for families effected by mental health issues.I understand that the last thing you might want is more talk of depression/anxiety.
But these are the people who will know where your coming from.

All the best, feel free to drop in a pm if you want to. Take care.
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Unread 05-22-2017, 06:08 AM   #5
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Default Re: Wanting to walkaway?

I'm almost at the same point. My husband has stepped crossed a line with me that has impacted me greatly (physical attack - not hitting but an assault nonetheless). I want him to get help. I don't care if it's researching, self-help and maybe therapy if need be but he is completely closed off from it.

I asked him to stop drinking after the latest episode because while he doesn't drink a lot, when he is having an anxiety issue and drinking - it's really bad just like last week. He didn't remember what he had done to me until I told him last night several days after it had happened. He said he isn't drinking anymore so that will keep him from having those types of outbursts anymore. I wish that were true. He has irrational outbursts no matter if he is drinking or not - drinking just makes them worse.

He is always worried and upset about things. All of the little things that happen during his workday upset and anger him. He will call me when he's on the way home to tell me about it, tell me again over and over after he gets home...... trying to tell him don't worry about it - you are home now it's all over... nothing seems to help.

I've been dealing with this for years and really feel that if he's not willing to get any help to learn how to deal with this - then I don't know if I can stay committed to the relationship.

I love him and don't want our marriage ruined over this and told him so. Apparently that's not enough to motivate him to get help. I just don't know what's next right now and hate this. We've been married for 15 years and while he's always had anxiety issues - they didn't used to be so bad. I told him it's debilitating for him and he doesn't see it that way.

I completely understand where you are and the feelings you are struggling with. Sorry I can't give any useful advice though as I'm wading through the same pool of what feels like quicksand.

Maybe I should just go ahead and make an appointment for him with a therapist anyway? IDK - I feel like he needs help and he needs to take the steps - I've been doing a lot of hand holding for many years and I am tired of being more like a parent sometimes instead of being able to be a wife.

:-(
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Unread 07-15-2017, 05:48 PM   #6
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Default Re: Wanting to walkaway?

Yup! My husband has chronic pain and is very depressed and irritable (as well as financial issues). I've been patient for 10 years but now I feel like walking away. My life is going by and here I am trying to support him as we live our lives like hermits. We can't do too much because of his pain (and money issues) and managing the house falls on my shoulders - if I don't do it then it doesn't get done. I keep thinking that things will get better but I can see now that it won't - this is as good as it gets!

I can see that many of us feel the same way about our situations. I wish I had some words of wisdom but from what I can see the choices are to either get a divorce or to lead separate lives. I don't have the energy to deal with a divorce so I'm just leading a separate life but the resentment is still there, it doesn't go away - I just hope I don't end up hating him.
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Unread 07-15-2017, 05:53 PM   #7
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Default Re: Wanting to walkaway?

Yes, I feel the same way - a parent rather than a wife. We're the ones keeping the household together and acting like their therapist but who is there for us? The relationship has been damaged yet they can't even see this because they are so wrapped up in their pain. I'm afraid it can never get repaired, even on our good days - it will never be the same. This is the new normal
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Unread 08-07-2017, 04:24 PM   #8
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Default Re: Wanting to walkaway?

I totally hear you and right now I feel the same - this is my husband's 3rd depressive relapse in 6 years. We have been married for 9 years and have 3 children (8,5 & 2). I feel like I'm running out of steam and walking away feels like an extremely attractive option at this moment ��
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Unread 08-09-2017, 10:12 AM   #9
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Default Re: Wanting to walkaway?

Last night I walked away from my depressed fiancÚ that refuses to get help. He goes off on me for the smallest of things and is very undermining.

I am the caregiver for my aging father and that is hard enough.

Today I am going to make a doctor's appointment for myself. I cannot handle much more.
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Unread 09-12-2017, 07:08 AM   #10
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Default Re: Wanting to walkaway?

Feeling the same way, only it seems alot easier for me to get out than the rest of you. I came Into this relationship feeling peaceful calm and happy for the first time in my life. Thought I could save her, didn't know I had serious codependency issues at that time. Now I'm a mess again, depression and anxiety back and I'm getting very weary of the daily anxiety attacks from her. She has PTSD and I doubt it will ever get better and I'm feeling trapped and doomed. I think sometimes I have to leave so I can be better, but I can't fathom leaving her either. I feel like shutting down and riding out the rest of my life in a dysthymic numbness pretending I'm happy....except that makes me want to cry. Right now I feel smothered, like I'm the only reason she smiles at times. I feel like I can't breathe and I can't do anything about it. I want to run away, take my life back.
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