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Old 10-17-2018, 11:37 AM #1
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Default Unsure what to do

My husband and I are caregivers to our 16 year old grandaughter. We just found out she has BPD. any advice would be great. There is all so new to us.
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Old 10-17-2018, 01:54 PM #2
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Hello Pam: I believe this is your first thread here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral. There is a forum, here on PC, dedicated to the subject of BPD. It may be helpful to you to read through some of the posts in that forum. Here's a link:

https://forums.psychcentral.com/bord...lity-disorder/

And then here are links to 13 articles, from PsychCentral's archives, on various aspects of BPD, & helping someone who has it, that hopefully may be of some help. Some of these may be helpful for your granddaughter to read as well should she wish to do so. (Perhaps she'll wish to become a member here on PC herself at some point.):

An Overview of Borderline Personality Disorder

Understanding Adolescents With Borderline Personality Traits

Treatment Options for Teens With Borderline Personality Traits

Living with Borderline Personality Disorder

https://psychcentral.com/lib/how-to-...dium=popular17

https://psychcentral.com/lib/how-to-...dium=popular17

https://psychcentral.com/lib/the-emo...dium=popular17

https://psychcentral.com/blog/free-l...dium=popular17

https://psychcentral.com/blog/6-gift...dium=popular17

https://psychcentral.com/lib/dialect...isorder/?all=1

https://psychcentral.com/blog/helpin...dium=popular17

https://psychcentral.com/lib/the-ess...lity-disorder/

https://psychcentral.com/lib/stop-wa...dium=popular17

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.
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Old 10-17-2018, 04:30 PM #3
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Default Unsure what to do

First of all I am sending you good thoughts and commend you for reaching out in this forum. I have not had to take care of a minor with BPD so have no experience with that but have lived with a BPD partner for 15 years and thus empathize with the journey you are about to begin. The good news is that understanding the disorder helps a great deal to live with it and put things into perspective. The two things I would tell you from my journey are ONE - to use all the resources at your disposal - books, articles, forums, professionals and help groups/ communities - for both yourselves as caregivers and your granddaughter and TWO - to realize as early as you can that your role as caregivers means that you can not fix BPD for your granddaughter as much as you would like to. You can not be the impartial bystander (and professional) she needs to learn coping mechanisms and replace unhelpful behaviors with healthy ones and a participant in her daily life at the same time. You know her best and love her more than anyone but you wouldn’t attempt to „snap in“ her broken leg because of that any more than you should attempt to help her „snap out“ of BPD. It may sound harsh but it took me years to understand that. In hindsight, I wish someone would have told me early on.

With the right professional support, armed with knowledge, a great deal of empathy and with your granddaughter willing to improve her life it can and will get better! Those are not words of hope, I have proof in my own partnership that it does! I wish that for you and your granddaughter.

Last edited by comethisfar; 10-17-2018 at 04:58 PM.
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