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Old 01-25-2019, 02:31 PM #1
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Confused Oldest sister

Hi all, I have two older sisters in their 60s, and the oldest one is in a real situation. My other sister & brother, and i, have tried to help her over the years, but she just won't take any responsibility for herself. We're all worried about what might happen with her in the future



She and her bf of nearly 25 years (they are not married) had a son who is now 22. All 3 live together in an apartment, and none of them work (the father is on disability, sister gets minimal SSecurity, and their kid refuses to work). The father drinks and smokes pot with the kid, and they go to rock concerts and wrestling shows on a regular basis. They usually sleep until noon or later each day and party all nite.



My sister has only held one or two jobs in her lifetime. She refused to get a job while raising the kid, but finally did get work after the father evicted her and the kid a few years ago. The 2 lived in a hotel room for one summer, and then somehow, ended up going back to live with the father. He has turned into a sadist, and he and the son treat my sister terribly. She physically looks terrible, and her mental health is all but gone. She has nowhere else to live (none of us siblings are able to take care of her) and she really can't sustain herself on her own.



My other sister lived in a homeless shelter for a bit, years ago, due to a domestic abuse situation. She believes that our older sister should go into a shelter or counseling center as well, where she can get the help she needs. Our trouble is, getting her to agree to go. I really think she wants to believe that her situation isn't that bad, although she constantly talks about how badly they treat her and that she needs to leave--but doesn't. From reading about Cluster B & C personalities online, my sister appears to have elements of narcissism, borderline, and avoidant issues. Ugh.



Any advice? I sure would appreciate it.
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Old 01-25-2019, 03:13 PM #2
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Thanks for sharing your concern here on PC. Honestly... unless your sister decides for herself that she needs help there may be little or nothing you can do to have a positive impact on this situation. You mentioned your sister is in her 60's & I note you list yourself as being in Chicago. I presume she lives there too? The only thing that occurs to me would be to check with any state agencies that address issues of elder abuse. Here's a link to the Illinois Attorney General- Advocating for Older Citizens webpage. That might be one place to start:

Illinois Attorney General - Advocating for Older Citizens

And then here are links to 4 articles, from Psych Central's archives, that (hopefully) may help to put this into perspective & provide some ideas:

Denial is a Powerful Impediment to Treatment

11 Ways to Help a Loved One in Denial

How to Persuade Your Loved One to Seek Professional Help

Understanding Elderly Emotional Abuse and Its Preventive Measures

My best wishes to you & your family...
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Old 01-25-2019, 05:23 PM #3
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Default Re: Oldest sister

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lolanne View Post


She and her bf of nearly 25 years (they are not married) had a son who is now 22. All 3 live together in an apartment, and none of them work (the father is on disability, sister gets minimal SSecurity, and their kid refuses to work). The father drinks and smokes pot with the kid, and they go to rock concerts and wrestling shows on a regular basis. They usually sleep until noon or later each day and party all nite.
Does she have a problem with the way they live?


Quote:
My sister has only held one or two jobs in her lifetime. She refused to get a job while raising the kid, but finally did get work after the father evicted her and the kid a few years ago. The 2 lived in a hotel room for one summer, and then somehow, ended up going back to live with the father. He has turned into a sadist, and he and the son treat my sister terribly. She physically looks terrible, and her mental health is all but gone. She has nowhere else to live (none of us siblings are able to take care of her) and she really can't sustain herself on her own.
Even if she goes to a shelter or community center she will have to get a job in order for it to be a viable solution. She cant leave and take care of herself if she wont work. So you and your brother can pull all the strings that you want but if she isnt willing to work it wont matter.


Quote:
My other sister lived in a homeless shelter for a bit, years ago, due to a domestic abuse situation. She believes that our older sister should go into a shelter or counseling center as well, where she can get the help she needs. Our trouble is, getting her to agree to go. I really think she wants to believe that her situation isn't that bad, although she constantly talks about how badly they treat her and that she needs to leave--but doesn't. From reading about Cluster B & C personalities online, my sister appears to have elements of narcissism, borderline, and avoidant issues. Ugh.
Is she abused by the boyfriend and son? What makes you think she has a personality disorder? I only ask that because I sometimes think that we assign traits and armchair diagnose people because we desperately want to answer to what we see wrong with them.


Any advice? I sure would appreciate it.[/QUOTE]
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