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Old 11-03-2018, 03:04 PM   #1
wrestlingmom
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Default Should I confront my selfish mother-in law

Hello,


I'm battling back and forth as to whether I should confront my mother in law. I have been at my wits end with my husband for years. I understand he has a mental illness, but he is non-compliant with therapy and medications. We separated three years ago and I reluctantly let him move back home because he had no income and no place to live. It's a struggle every day for me to get up, go to work, take care of my son and deal with my husband's longstanding issues. After 20+ years of his hardship, I am exhausted and want desperately to divorce him and live my life alone - peacefully.



My mother in law is completely aware of the situation but offers no help. My husband is her only son and my teenage son is her only grandson. She lives 1/2 a mile up the street and is 100% capable of providing assistance, but she never offers to. Not even to give my son rides here and there to school and activities so I don't need to rush out of work. Nothing. I have tried several times asking for her help. The last time was 2 months ago, when I asked if I could stop by so we could discuss the issues with my husband and see what we could collectively do. She promised to call me back but did not. I'm just disgusted with her. Her days are literally spent shopping at the mall, getting her hair and nails done and going out for coffee and lunch with her friends. She goes dancing at least 3 times a week and just got back from a trip to the Bahamas, yet she claims she has no money to help even a little with her son's medical bills. Recently, I was told from a reliable source that she speaks derogatorily about me. This does not surprise me but its so insulting. I have taken the brunt for dealing with her son's problems which, unbeknownst to me until years after we were married, were very evident going back to when he was a young child. Everyone I know aware of the situation with my husband always asks "What is his mother saying or doing to help?"



I am so angry and fed up with her selfish, lousy attitude that I wrote a letter and want to send it in the mail. Part of me thinks its a waste of time and will only cause trouble. The other part thinks that I need to stand up to her and tell it as it is. In the past, I have always let her get her way and given in to her bully tactics and I am so tired of doing so.



Looking for opinions on whether to confront her or not.
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Old 11-03-2018, 03:11 PM   #2
TishaBuv
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Default Re: Should I confront my selfish mother-in law

Since you asked, I have to say, no, don’t send that letter or confront her. It will only cause trouble and is a waste of time. She obviously does not want to help.

What is your plan to ‘live your life alone, peacefully?’
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Old 11-03-2018, 04:04 PM   #3
wrestlingmom
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Default Re: Should I confront my selfish mother-in law

Thank you for the advice. I am trying to stick it out until my son graduates from high school/goes off to college then file for divorce. That's 2.5 years away though.
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Old 11-03-2018, 04:14 PM   #4
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Default Re: Should I confront my selfish mother-in law

That sounds like a good plan. Do you think there’s any chance of making progress with your husband? Is he an addict? Is he abusive?
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Old 11-03-2018, 08:39 PM   #5
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Default Re: Should I confront my selfish mother-in law

Quote:
Originally Posted by TishaBuv View Post
That sounds like a good plan. Do you think there’s any chance of making progress with your husband? Is he an addict? Is he abusive?

I have almost no hope that he will change. He does not comply with any advice that his therapists give him and he argues with the doctors about any medication they try to prescribe. After begging to get into an OCD day program, he went a week then was kicked out for excessively drinking knowing there was a strict rule against it. He begged them for a second chance, they accepted him back and he was again discharged yesterday for failing to show up 3 days in a row. And he just complains that no one has any mercy for his struggles.

While he is not physically abusive, he is extremely difficult to get along with. He has not worked in three years, so all the income is from me. Yet, if I go grocery shopping and buy something that does not meet his standards, he will throw it in the trash. He has never been able to hold down a job, usually getting fired because he does not get along with people. And after years of treating his friends terribly, they stay clear of him. He has gotten thrown out of our son's athletic events for inappropriate yelling and even got banned from a returning to a hockey rink.

It's a rotten situation really and I only tolerate it because the reality that he will end up on the street is a picture I don't want my son to have to cope with. My armchair diagnosis is that he has a borderline and/or narcissistic personality disorder and needs a mood stabilizer, but he doesn't believe any of that.
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