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Old 09-30-2018, 04:06 PM   #1
Apester
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Default Cracking under spouses emotions

So my husband is a highly emotional person. He is struggles in and off with depression and is generally a sensitive person. For most of our marriage I've been able to help and support him through his mood fluctuation while not taking them on myself but recently I've lost whatever emotional shell I had that protected me from taking on too much. I've been struggling myself lately with anxiety and low levels of depression so when he's feeling depressed my anxiety and depression skyrocket. Neither of us have any real friends or family to turn to for help. I can't talk to him about this since it would just make him feel worse but how am I supposed to help him cope when I'm having trouble coping myself?
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Old 10-01-2018, 12:26 PM   #2
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Hello Apester: I see this is your first post here on PC. Welcome to PsychCentral. I hope you fnd PC to be of benefit.

Here are links to some articles, from PsychCentral's archives, that may be of some help. Not all of them address your specific situation. but they all address the topic of being a caregiver:

Self-Care for Depression Caregivers

Caring for Yourself When You're a Caregiver | Weightless

Caring for Yourself When Caregiving

Caregiver Burnout: The Importance of Self Care

3 Self-Care Tips While Loving Someone With Depression

https://psychcentral.com/blog/caregi...ouse-yourself/

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/careg...ssion-fatigue/

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/compa...dium=popular17

My best wishes to you both...
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Old 10-10-2018, 05:06 PM   #3
Emotionlessinohio
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Default Re: Cracking under spouses emotions

Quote:
Originally Posted by Apester View Post
So my husband is a highly emotional person. He is struggles in and off with depression and is generally a sensitive person. For most of our marriage I've been able to help and support him through his mood fluctuation while not taking them on myself but recently I've lost whatever emotional shell I had that protected me from taking on too much. I've been struggling myself lately with anxiety and low levels of depression so when he's feeling depressed my anxiety and depression skyrocket. Neither of us have any real friends or family to turn to for help. I can't talk to him about this since it would just make him feel worse but how am I supposed to help him cope when I'm having trouble coping myself?
I am in a little bit of this situation also. My husband is bipolar and depressed. I have no friends because I have put my whole life into him and our children. I have given him as much support as a person possibly could, but now because of certain circumstances, I have nothing left to give, but I have to put on my fake face and be his wife (not that you are in this situation) but I have no friends to talk to.... so I have turned to this secret site. Right now my way to cope is to not care and I donít like feeling like that. Our son is also bipolar and I see him taking after his father and it scares me to death. I donít want to be emotionless with my child. I also have a problem with anxiety. When it gets bad, it feels like someone is strangling me at times. I have to do this secret site because if I went to any type of therapy or support group, my husband would make it all about him and what heís doing wrong and then mope around the house. He is so pleasant to other people and so pissy with me and our children. Itís getting hard to stay quite.
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Old 10-24-2018, 03:15 PM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Emotionlessinohio View Post
...I have no friends to talk to.... so I have turned to this secret site. Right now my way to cope is to not care and I donít like feeling like that.
Wow, you have a lot on our plate. Both husband and child with bipolar is a *lot* to shoulder.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Emotionlessinohio View Post
I can't talk to him about this since it would just make him feel worse but how am I supposed to help him cope when I'm having trouble coping myself?
I can understand your resistance to seeking therapy. FWIW, it definitely helped me - I was able to cash in a few free meetings through my work's mental health program - hopefully, this is an option you might be able to explore later on.

Above all else, you've *got* to work on your own well-being. Some of us hyper-compartmentalize in order to deal, but in the absence of those tactics, being up-front about the situation is really the first step in taking control of it (and your own mental health).

Quick story: In the Corporate world (I'm an IT manager for a large company that shall remain nameless), the volume of email we receive is *out-of-control*. I always advise my team to block out their calendar -- literally, open up their calendars, and create events that block out their time -- for lunches, and uninterrupted periods of work. Then, they can dedicate a key piece of their time to catching up on emails, later on, toward the end of the week.

I did the exact same thing with my SO: I have blocked out periods of my real-life calendar to get my own S___ together. This time is a non-negotiable; they don't get to invade it. Amid the chaos and manic episodes, there are simply times *I must check-out*.

This worked wonders for me. Perhaps its a worth a try?
- dedicate fixed times throughout the week that are for *you*.
- make it clear to the family these don't budge.
- when episodes hit, stop them before they start. "We'll deal with this later, I'm in the middle of something now. I'm not ignoring you, but I'm simply unable to handle this now. We'll chat again at XX:XX o'clock" (structure helps, so give them a specific time).

Hope this helps.
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