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Old 09-11-2018, 09:33 PM   #1
TML8277
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Default At My Wits End

Hi. I've been married to my husband for 2.5 years now. Around 6 months into our marriage he went into a severe depression. I didn't have a clue as to how to handle it. We had a new baby girl and I felt completely abandoned. Needless to say... I think I made it worse. I've tried to help pull him out, but it just isn't working. When I'm distant he panics and comes around, but when I try to reach out to him I feel that I sink in and he isn't reachable. Long story short... He self medicates, he knows he is ill and he absolutely refuses to seek any treatment and has made it clear that I better not seek treatment for him. I'm hoping I can find some guidance. I don't want to walk away. I don't want to give up. Sometimes I feel that's the only option for my sanity and the well being of my children... HELP!
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Old 09-12-2018, 02:02 PM   #2
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I recall replying to one of your previous posts. Really, at least from my perspective, your husband is the only person who can make the changes that need to be made. (Perhaps other members, here on PC, will have some suggestions.) From what you wrote, it sounds as though you've done pretty-much everything you can think of. Your husband self-medicates, he knows he's ill, he refuses to seek any kind of treatment, plus he's made clear you better not do it for him.

Granted it's just my personal opinion; but my opinion is it's time for you to do what you need to do to take care of yourself & your child. (Some individual mental health therapy services for yourself may be worthwhile.) I realize how difficult this may be for you. But having your daughter grow up with your husband living the way he's living is going to have a lasting impact on her as well. That's another factor that must be taken into account.

Chances are when I replied to your previous post I gave you links to a number of articles, from PsychCentral's archives, on the subject of trying to help someone who doesn't want help. Here are links to 2 articles on the effects, on children, of living with a depressed parent:

Depressed Parents and the Effects on Their Children

Growing Up With A Depressed Parent | Narcissism Meets Normalcy

I wish you & your family well...
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Old 09-12-2018, 04:58 PM   #3
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Default Re: At My Wits End

Quote:
Originally Posted by Skeezyks View Post
I recall replying to one of your previous posts. Really, at least from my perspective, your husband is the only person who can make the changes that need to be made. (Perhaps other members, here on PC, will have some suggestions.) From what you wrote, it sounds as though you've done pretty-much everything you can think of. Your husband self-medicates, he knows he's ill, he refuses to seek any kind of treatment, plus he's made clear you better not do it for him.

Granted it's just my personal opinion; but my opinion is it's time for you to do what you need to do to take care of yourself & your child. (Some individual mental health therapy services for yourself may be worthwhile.) I realize how difficult this may be for you. But having your daughter grow up with your husband living the way he's living is going to have a lasting impact on her as well. That's another factor that must be taken into account.

Chances are when I replied to your previous post I gave you links to a number of articles, from PsychCentral's archives, on the subject of trying to help someone who doesn't want help. Here are links to 2 articles on the effects, on children, of living with a depressed parent:

I wish you & your family well...

Thank you! I agree with you. I feel torn between doing is what is right for us or doing what is right by him.
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