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Old 07-09-2018, 02:56 PM   #1
LuckyCupofTea
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Default Husband with Schizoaffective - Episode/Relapse Again

I'm here again...3 months later. That seems to be my husband's pattern the past 2 years. You'd think that I would catch it by now but when things are going really well, I tend to not catch the signs.

Some background:
-Husband has been in and out of the hospital throughout the past 2.5 years. His latest was in March for 3 weeks. He checks himself in usually after secretly going off of his meds. He starts feeling good, goes off the meds...symptoms return...he self medicates with weed and alcohol. Reset.

-After his December hospitalization (the "epiphany") he had a breakdown realizing that this was a lifelong illness. He finally decided to give the no-pot thing a try for the first time since he was 13! He's 32.

-Things were going great! Taking meds. Clean. Happy. Contributing to the house. Fun. Fairly social

-Relapse-quits meds -hospital

Now that you're up to speed...


-About 3 weeks ago I noticed he was acting sneaky and not coming home. He was socially quiet and was sleeping a lot.

-He admitted to be off his meds. He also had smoked pot. I asked his mother to come from 3 states away because I am quite frankly exhausted with this and wanted backup. She's retired, so she was pleased to come. She has been around ever since.

-We thought maybe we could handle this without hospitalization. Maybe we had caught it early enough that he could get back on his meds/back on track.

-He took a week off work. Occupied his time with his mom. Then he went back to work and was loving it (he works part time as a ranch hand).

-Starts acting weird again about a week later. Coming home late. Lying about where he had been.

-Rather than handing over his paycheck for me to handle (which is our agreement since he makes poor financial decisions) he cashed it and spent the whole thing

-Disappeared for almost 24 hours into the woods and came home smelling like pot and having spent the night alone drinking.

-Spending time with "friends" who are not actually real friends/smoking buddies.

I'm at my wit's end. I do so much for us. I love him dearly. I can only do so much. This is in his hands as an adult. He has the support system and framework to treat his mental illness. He is on many prescriptions (prolixin, abilify, buspar, gabapentin, celexa, minipress, cogentin, inderal, vistiril as needed). One injectible but they plan to make another one of his pills into an injection starting next month since he has a pattern of going on and off the meds. I hope that helps moving forward. In the meantime he doesn't want to go to the hospital and it seems he has given up on the "no weed" thing. What a mess this is. He also cuts...did I mention that? Inner thighs as of late. Won't show me how bad it is. Probably could use stitches I'm guessing.

:-(

I could go on and on.
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Old 07-09-2018, 08:08 PM   #2
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Thanks for sharing this difficult situation. I hope you can, in some way, find some resolution. Here are links to 4 articles, from PsychCentral's archives, that may be of some interest:

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/imper...ant-to-change/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/you-ca...ing-people-be/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/when-y...e-a-loved-one/

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/child...dium=popular17

My best wishes to both you & your husband...
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Old 07-10-2018, 10:29 AM   #3
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Default Re: Husband with Schizoaffective - Episode/Relapse Again

These articles are all things that I "know" or have read but it's good to be reminded. Setting limits is so hard, especially when it seemed like things were going in a positive direction. I'm not sure what to do about him spending his paychecks on whatever he wants rather than contributing to the household. I don't know what to do about the weed. I HATE the smell. I hate how lazy it makes him. I am doing absolutely everything around the house at this point. Mowing the lawn, making the money, cleaning....I even used all of his tools and lumber last weekend and built a working gate for our backyard. These are things that he used to enjoy doing...even just a few weeks ago and now I am watching him throw everything away like this.

He won't say a word to me. Says he doesn't trust me. I'm not sure what that means. Trust me with what?

I can't control him. The positive is that he's still seeing a therapist and getting some treatment even when he misses doses of his meds. He has an injection every 3 weeks. It's not enough to keep him stable but it has to do something I hope.

This has really been a prolonged thing...this...episode...relapse...whatever it may be. I think he may have given up to an extent. He has expressed no desire this time around to get back on his feet.
He's just riding it out and I have to miserably watch him do it.
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Old 07-11-2018, 08:13 AM   #4
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Default Re: Husband with Schizoaffective - Episode/Relapse Again

He is riding it out...... waiting for the wheels to fall off? You do not have to watch him destroy his existence. Marriage is a two way street. Wondering if you go with him to his therapist and talk about this.
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Old 07-11-2018, 10:55 AM   #5
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Default Re: Husband with Schizoaffective - Episode/Relapse Again

We are also going to couples therapy which was positive the first few sessions until this GIANT downfall. I talked to his therapist and filled him in on what's going on. His therapist basically says that my husband is an adult and has to decide for himself if he is going to take his meds and be clean.

I FINALLY was able to talk to my husband (or at my husband) a little yesterday and express all of my issues/fears. He was very quiet. He did say that he is basically on a rollercoaster and he is just going to wait for it to crash (in other words...rather than trying to make a change I think). He won't go to the hospital because he's embarrassed and has been there almost every 3 months for the past year (he thought this time would be different and he could last longer).

He has no immediate intention to quit smoking weed and has admitted that he is only sometimes taking his meds.

He says that taking meds means that he's a "freak". that's kind of a new one. I haven't heard him say it before.

I found a bunch of meds in his little trash can in his car so he's definitely not taking the during the day dose. When he goes off the meds, he tends to not be able to get back on them himself...without supervision....voices tell him not to take them. Once he's in the hospital and gets stabalized, he intends on taking them and following through but after about 3 months he feels good and stops again. it's a cycle.

He has been going to work (as a ranch hand with horses) and somehow functioning. Horses I think are therapeutic...cause if this were any other job I don't think he'd be able to do it right now.

I asked him if he knew what day it was yesterday. He didn't. That's not super unusual...then I asked if he knew the month....he didn't until I reminded him the holiday we celebrated (july 4).

He didn't know who the president was. He said..."I know it's not George Bush"

So.....he must be REALLY out of it.
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Old 07-11-2018, 12:05 PM   #6
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Default Re: Husband with Schizoaffective - Episode/Relapse Again

I understand that mental illness is a difficult thing to deal with, however, if you are married to someone, you have the right to set limits and declare what you will and will not put up with.



I am schizoaffective and I resisted treatment for many years. My inability to live like an adult was destroying my life and putting a lot of pressure on my husband. He gave me some ultimatums about meds and therapy, and because he did, I got treatment and a lot of things improved in terms of my daily functioning.


There are medication apps that track your med usage and set alarm reminders, and also allow you to share this information with family members or caretakers. Perhaps that might be a helpful step in the right direction.
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Old 07-11-2018, 01:15 PM   #7
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Default Re: Husband with Schizoaffective - Episode/Relapse Again

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nix View Post
I understand that mental illness is a difficult thing to deal with, however, if you are married to someone, you have the right to set limits and declare what you will and will not put up with.



I am schizoaffective and I resisted treatment for many years. My inability to live like an adult was destroying my life and putting a lot of pressure on my husband. He gave me some ultimatums about meds and therapy, and because he did, I got treatment and a lot of things improved in terms of my daily functioning.


There are medication apps that track your med usage and set alarm reminders, and also allow you to share this information with family members or caretakers. Perhaps that might be a helpful step in the right direction.
I appreciate your input greatly. We went into the marriage with the understanding that therapy and meds were necessary. He is still seeing a therapist weekly if not twice a week and sees a psychiatrist. He just hasn't accepted this and isn't keeping up with the meds. He has alarms on his phone. He just will choose to not take the pills if no one is around.

You're right about the limits and I need to work on that. I am under the impression that ultimatums never work.
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Old 07-11-2018, 05:22 PM   #8
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Default Re: Husband with Schizoaffective - Episode/Relapse Again

I thought this article might shed light on ultimatums.

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/welln...us-ultimatums/
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Old 07-12-2018, 04:35 AM   #9
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Default Re: Husband with Schizoaffective - Episode/Relapse Again

I am relived that you were able to talk to him in regards to issues. Sounds like he shared more than normal. The truth of it is having a number of admissions together is normal sometimes until we finally "get" it. Been there, done that. He is a grown up and responsible for decisions. Accepting that maybe he needs to go back in to help himself is maybe the next step. Not easy but doable. Wishing you all the best for his recovery.
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Old 07-12-2018, 10:10 AM   #10
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Default Re: Husband with Schizoaffective - Episode/Relapse Again

I am urging him to check himself into the hospital at this point. He's confused. He didn't know who the president was....what the month was...

He has tons of "noise" and he is seeing visual hallucinations a lot more than usual. He can barely make any eye contact.

He said he would consider it. He lost his wallet and though that's happened many times I can't help but worry that he is trying to go off of the grid. There was mention on his phone to a shady "friend" of his something about the make/model/year of his car. It was a very unusual cryptic conversation.

His therapist said unless he's an imminent danger to himself there is not really anything we can do other than let him check himself in if that's what he chooses.

I do believe he is considering it. I don't believe he is getting better. He's still willing to see a therapist so he hasn't completely given up but he is just kind of floating through and magically working. It's like he's running on nothing.
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