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Old 11-06-2018, 04:52 AM   #1
paintedturtle
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Default Struggling with thoughts of relapse... not givingin!!!

Hi. My name is Mary. I answer to that or PaintedTurtle (my "indian" name). My mother's people are American Osage and I identify with that way of life. Anyway, I am a recovering compulsive over eater. My eating was out of control for literally decades. I was forced to face reality 14 months ago, when I lost a toe due to a diabetes related wound that that got infected and turned into osteo melytis. I, with the help of my husband, changed the way I ate because I don't want to die. Within a few months we actually cut my A1C in half and now it's in the normal range. Things were going well and I was losing weight. I was going to a wound care clinic to help the incision sight to heal (which took 8 months) but finally it healed and I started physical therapy to get back on my feet without a walker. I couldn't complete the therapy because I was getting short of breath and it was getting progressively worse. I went to my PCP and then a cardiologist and after a million diagnostic test was diagnosed with severe heart disease that required immediate surgery. So on July 10, 2018 I had a4 coronary bypasses and an aortic valve replacement. It was rough but it saved my life. Since then,I have had several dibilitating setbacks that we are still working on correcting. On top of that, I have severe Bi-Polar disorder and I have been un-medicated since the surgery, because the med that I took for almost 14 years in know to cause heart damage. After the surgery, we further changed our diet to reduce fat and salt, as well as carbs. It wasn't fun at first, but I'm used to i t now. The problem is that my moods are all over the place. I rarely sleep and I cry all the time. I just really want some comfort and I used to do that with food. I want to binge so bad, and I know I can't relapse now... if I do, there's a chance I will never get back to this place and, like I said, i don't want to die today. I'm working on getting back on meds, but it's gonna take some time because my medical team is trying to determine what meds, if any, will be safe for me. I pary constantly. I listen to music and do aroma therapy and meditate, in the hpes that God will reveal an answer for me. I talk to other people i recovery and yet I feel like I'm getting no relief. Does anyone have any insight or experience, strength and hope?? Please let me know. Thanks - Mary / PaintedTurtle
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Old 11-06-2018, 03:38 PM   #2
cryingontheinside
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Default Re: Struggling with thoughts of relapse... not givingin!!!

Think how far you have come and what you have achieved . you are so strong and amazing to do that i wish i could do the same .
Maybe allow your self a treat or two but then do something else so you don't binge. Have a nice hot bath , meditate and watch a movie. Keep strong . you have done so well
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Old 11-07-2018, 02:59 AM   #3
paintedturtle
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Default Re: Struggling with thoughts of relapse... not givingin!!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by cryingontheinside View Post
Think how far you have come and what you have achieved . you are so strong and amazing to do that i wish i could do the same .
Maybe allow your self a treat or two but then do something else so you don't binge. Have a nice hot bath , meditate and watch a movie. Keep strong . you have done so well



Thank you very much for responding. I want to say to you that this kind of change is hard and requires a lot of commitment and disipline. I honestly think the only reason I could finally do it because I literally stared death in the face and it scared the heck out of me. Keep trying and just do the best that you can and remember that even on a bad day, you are still Worth something. you are a worthwhile person and there is a higher power out there somewhere that loves you and wants what's best. Just you'll understand... I still struggle, because binge eating and other bizzare behaviors with foor were my coping mechanism and when you take that away, even though it feels good not to hav to do it... you feel the pain that you were trying to stuff down. my mission now is t try to find a different, more healthy way to deal with that pain. For me, it's therapy and 12-step programs. Try to find what works for you. I can see that you have more courage than you think you do. God bless you and contact me any time... i mean it - Thanks - Mary / PaintedTurtle
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