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Unread 09-13-2017, 07:49 AM   #1
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Default Neediness/needing reassurance

My parents are both extremely needy. They need constant validation and reassurance and need to be listened to constantly. It's exhausting for me but just recently I had a massive realisation. I am the exact same. I drain my friends by talking constantly and I've no coping skills to deal with issues when they arise, I panic and go to my friends, and recently I can sense they've had enough. Before this it was my boyfriend. I've lost friends over this in the past and it's only really becoming clear to me now. I really need some help with getting past this. I'm going travelling soon so therapy isn't an option for me at the moment unfortunately. What can I do to cope better on my own without needing to seek reassurance constantly? Are there any exercises anyone could recommend?

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Unread 09-13-2017, 08:17 AM   #2
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Default Re: Neediness/needing reassurance

I journal my feelings, which helps a ton. Instead of burdening others, I write it all down, get it out of my head and onto paper where I can re-read and evaluate it, and I process my feelings through writing.

I used to be the same way as you and learned that what I really was doing was processing my emotions... the reassurance and validation you need to be able to give to yourself. I do this with positive affirmations.... like, "I can do this, I am doing just fine, and I will do this". Whenever you feel yourself needing reassurance, just give yourself the reassurance, like "I am doing alright, I may have messed that up, but I will do better next time", kind of thing. Not sure if that helps any, but journaling is a great way to self reflect and also to delve into what is going on with you. (((Hugs))))
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Unread 09-13-2017, 08:24 AM   #3
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Default Re: Neediness/needing reassurance

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Originally Posted by golden_eve View Post
I journal my feelings, which helps a ton. Instead of burdening others, I write it all down, get it out of my head and onto paper where I can re-read and evaluate it, and I process my feelings through writing.

I used to be the same way as you and learned that what I really was doing was processing my emotions... the reassurance and validation you need to be able to give to yourself. I do this with positive affirmations.... like, "I can do this, I am doing just fine, and I will do this". Whenever you feel yourself needing reassurance, just give yourself the reassurance, like "I am doing alright, I may have messed that up, but I will do better next time", kind of thing. Not sure if that helps any, but journaling is a great way to self reflect and also to delve into what is going on with you. (((Hugs))))

This is so helpful, thank you! How often do you journal?
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Unread 09-13-2017, 08:26 AM   #4
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Default Re: Neediness/needing reassurance

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This is so helpful, thank you! How often do you journal?
Almost every day!! Sometimes, several times throughout the day! It really does help!!!
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Unread 09-13-2017, 08:37 AM   #5
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Default Re: Neediness/needing reassurance

That's a great idea golden eve. Thank you.
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Unread 09-13-2017, 08:43 AM   #6
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Default Re: Neediness/needing reassurance

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Originally Posted by golden_eve View Post
Almost every day!! Sometimes, several times throughout the day! It really does help!!!
I find journaling so hard. Usually I can only write for a minute or two and then my mind goes blank. Do you have any particular way you journal that you find helps the most? Thank you
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Unread 09-13-2017, 08:50 AM   #7
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Default Re: Neediness/needing reassurance

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I find journaling so hard. Usually I can only write for a minute or two and then my mind goes blank. Do you have any particular way you journal that you find helps the most? Thank you
I get really honest with myself and I don't hold anything back. I mainly discuss how I am feeling in that moment.

Perhaps what may help you is thinking about what you may normally want to talk about with your friends, and writing as though you are talking it out with them, but it's with yourself. Sometimes, I write letters to other people about things I may want to say to them, but don't. I keep those all to myself, but it helps.

Not sure if that helps any.... basically, I just free flow write whatever comes to mind. If I go blank, I put it aside and come back to it with different/new thoughts or events that occurred that I need to process. ***Hugs***
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Unread 09-13-2017, 09:41 AM   #8
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Default Re: Neediness/needing reassurance

Honestly, for me the biggest roadblock is feeling guilty for skipping days. Like, right now I haven't journaled for a week at least (but I'm too anxious to focus on anything). I feel like it's a skill or a habit - forgiving yourself for momentary failure, and then coming back... And shame and self-consciousness. It's hard, but I think it's necessary to reinforce in oneself the understanding that it doesn't matter how much or how little you write - no one is going to judge you, unlike in other pursuits... Perhaps for someone like me those are the important parts of journaling - self-forgiveness and un-self-consciousness for when you fail.
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Unread 09-13-2017, 09:58 AM   #9
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It's hard, but I think it's necessary to reinforce in oneself the understanding that it doesn't matter how much or how little you write - no one is going to judge you, unlike in other pursuits.
YES! This is so true -- we shouldn't judge ourselves in our own thought process, writing process, or even how frequently or infrequently we do write. It's simply something, a tool, that can be used to help us process things and get our feelings out, whenever and however it is needed or used. No harsh self judgements.
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Unread 09-13-2017, 10:05 AM   #10
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No harsh self judgement is required, I agree
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