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Unread 05-15-2017, 02:50 AM   #1
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Default Is This Good Advice or Not?

I've been given done well-meaning and I really believe, good advice by several people. My boyfriend's house, where I live, is full of trash. If you're not familiar with my situation, look in this same forum for "Living in Hell (Trash)" by me, including the updated pics near the end.

What I've been advised to do is, when my boyfriend goes on one of his longer trips, hire some college students or others who would be willing to get all the trash and cat poop out of the house. I don't have money for this, but I could save a little. Professionals want thousands of dollars, and my boyfriend didn't want anyone to see the house, so he's against hiring anyone. He's also afraid someone would get the house condemned. I don't think it's at that level yet.

But he will be furious with me if I do this behind his back. It won't matter that the house is clean again, and I wouldn't have them touch his office or bedroom. I'm not sure if he would throw me out and/or do things that will make my treasured items and me dirty in terms of my OCD (which may not be able to be reversed, as far as my OCD hours), but I worry about that.

I can't do the cleaning myself, and I'm also scared of the trips and vacations he's soon to take, leaving me to take care of the cats and bird, which is all kinds of OCD hell. Again, if you need more information, see my previous thread.

Even if I could get someone to help, should I do it? He's not going to do it, and I can't stand living like this anymore. He says he is, but it will take a long time. It's taking him forever to get things done so I can use my computer again. Some cleanup has been done (I'll post the updated areas below), but still do far to go. If I do this, I'm all alone. What do you think? These people are good and right about making a change, but I'm worried about the ramifications it'll mean for me.
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Unread 05-15-2017, 02:54 AM   #2
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Default Re: Is This Good Advice or Not?

Oh, and I don't know if anyone would be able to do it without the homeowner's permission. The professionals I called awhile back said they'd need the homeowner's permission.
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Unread 05-15-2017, 02:36 PM   #3
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Default Re: Is This Good Advice or Not?

I imagine it's illegal, yeah. You want to invite strangers into his house and have them move things around and throw stuff out. I'd call the police if you did that to me.
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Unread 05-15-2017, 03:35 PM   #4
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That's what I'd do if it were my house, too, or at least sue. It's just that so many were advising this and telling me if I want change, I have to make it happen. I have nowhere to go if I get thrown out.
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Unread 05-15-2017, 03:44 PM   #5
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Default Re: Is This Good Advice or Not?

I am curious, how happy are you in this relationship? The fact that you are worried he will throw you out concerns me...how good can a relationship be if you fear that your significant other would throw you onto the streets for cleaning his house?

Do you work or receive any social assistance? Maybe you could save up money to have people come clean the house while he is around to supervise the process, or save up to get your own place if you feel you can't live in this situation anymore.
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Unread 05-15-2017, 03:46 PM   #6
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I will answer this when I can keep my phone plugged in (it's dying and doesn't work for long away from the charger). Just wanted to let you know I saw your message.
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Unread 05-15-2017, 06:30 PM   #7
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ScaredandConfused, I've not been happy in this relationship or my life ever, really. We don't share the same politics or beliefs, he is controlling in some ways, gets irritated with me easily, procrastinates way worse than I do, and I've given up my young days (20s and 30s) being with him. Partially, I wanted to stop living in my mom's house at the time.

He won't let me hire anyone, even if he could supervise. He says it's because they might condemn the house, but he's also said in the past that he just doesn't want anyone to see the house, or neighbors seeing lots of bags of trash going out. I don't care what the neighbors think, but he does. Additionally, he doesn't like the judgment we might get from those cleaning the house. He says they'll "talk amongst themselves." For me, it's like, so what?

He can't even keep up with the yard, and we've gotten in trouble with that. A neighbor mowed our front lawn shortly after we first moved here, and while my boyfriend agreed it was nice, he didn't want him to do it, because my boyfriend feels it's his responsibility.

One other thing, I have always hated this house. He jumped on it without talking to me first because his first two choices for bought fast, and he didn't want to miss the opportunity. I've always been mad he didn't consult me first. I want paying for it, but I'm hours girlfriend, and it was going to be able my home, too.

Here's my plan (although some details have to be worked out): When he makes it possible for me to use my computer again, I'm going to try to make money writing and save up to move somewhere. I'm 49, and don't have time to do much with my life anymore,to build wealth (I dream) someday while I'm old enough to enjoy it.

My cats and bird deserve a better life. I don't want to lose them, but my OCD makes it hard to live with them. I have indoor cats and outdoor cats, and it's expensive and my OCD is crazy. I know if anyone saw inside our house, they'd probably take our animals away. I don't want to lose our bird most of all. He was here first. The cats were never meant to become indoor cats, but I'll spare you that story, as this is already long.

If I could make the changes necessary, I could handle so much more. My boyfriend is almost never home, and when he is, he's in his office or asleep, rarely coming out, and not saying much to me. Everything I want to do, he wants to get "over with."

I'm lonely. I don't want to lose my stuff at home and in storage (which includes things my mom left me, including stuff from my dad, as well).

I have more to say, but I'll end this here for now. Sorry so long, but I'm truly depressed and feel stuck.
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Unread 05-15-2017, 06:31 PM   #8
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Default Re: Is This Good Advice or Not?

Oh! In answer to your question, I get Social Security disability right now. That's all.
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Unread 05-16-2017, 11:02 AM   #9
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Default Re: Is This Good Advice or Not?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Breadfish View Post
I imagine it's illegal, yeah. You want to invite strangers into his house and have them move things around and throw stuff out. I'd call the police if you did that to me.
And if the police are called, they won't do a darn thing. All your bf can do legally is file a complaint with the police department. But I promise you, they will not take any action.
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Unread 05-16-2017, 03:38 PM   #10
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Default Re: Is This Good Advice or Not?

Really? I'm also afraid he'd throw me out. There has to be a solution that is faster than what we're doing now and doesn't end up with my animals being put down (if taken, I want them to have good homes, of course) and me not losing my things. I also don't want a judge to tell me I can't have any pets, because in a clean environment, I take care of them very well, and would be able to clean the litter boxes (although I do expect my boyfriend to do it sometimes, too, because the cats are half his, but I would make sure it got done if he didn't).
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