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Old 03-28-2017, 11:14 PM   #81
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Hugs, pyramid, hon...I'm not a diagnosed sufferer, but am just here reading about what people endure as a result of this disorder.

I would suggest getting some support and counselling for yourself. You're dealing with an exceedingly difficult situation here, and possibly even an escalating and dangerous one.

Local mental health organizations, and especially Women's shelters, are often set up to help provide assistance in situations like yours.

I hate the thought of you and your grandchildren being exposed to and harmed by this type of an individual. His situation might be very complex---and you've got better odds of getting support for yourself than you do of seeing him seeking out help on his own.
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Old 04-07-2017, 07:28 PM   #82
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Hi all - there's interesting discussion. I'm not on the NPD spectrum, but am on the flip side of the coin as a (recovering) co-dependent. Just like Echo and Narcissus, the narcissists from my past and myself fit together perfectly.

As a non N, and relationship and friendship partner of many folks on the NPD spectrum, I can offer a slightly different point of view that hopefully is helpful?

Speaking from my experience and learnings/professional help, ladies and gentlemen can lie anywhere along a wide spectrum. We all have some narcissitic tendencies of course. Some folks have a kind of "healthy" narcissism, some might be further along with a bit of "unhealthy" narcissism which doesn't mean that they necessarily affect anyone else besides themselves or sometimes they do, some folks display a large spectrum of BPD symptoms, some folks would call themselves a narcissist or BPD demonstrating the symptoms described in the most current DSM, some may be further along and lean towards malignant and/or sadistic narcissism and then others go all the way toward the sociopath side.

Some folks affect others and may use them, and some do not. Some function on a higher level and some on a lower level. Some are more aware of themselves and some have buried things very very deeply and may not always be consciously aware. Some are covert and some are overt. Some are quiet and some are bubbly and charismatic. Some hurt others on purpose which gives them enjoyment and others do not at all. Some people may misuse or overuse the term as well. There's just such a diversity, and it's even more complex because we're all individuals and cannot simply be pigeon holed and categorized so simply.

My experiences have led me to believe that in no way does narcissist/NPD=bad or evil person. I have never observed an automatic correlation, and I do believe the name unduly gets a bad rap from the get-go. Just as we all suffer with our own maladies, so do the NPD folks, from my experiences. Kind of like a coping mechanism because of difficulties from their family of origin or perhaps some trauma or abuse. I feel closely related in that sense as a co-dependent who went through the same thing but adopted a different unhealthy coping mechanism....

I suspect, as always, wether someone has an identified mental illness or not, if they are harming you or others in any way, you must take care of yourself and those in need of your help first. That's really not something that only applies with NPD folks because not everyone hurts others, and other mental illnesses and folks without an identified mental illness can do the same. Therefore, in my experience, that's not a clear identifier of a narcissist.

The folks I was with who ended up being the most severe and malignant narcissists were often covert and very hard to identify, especially for folks without prior experience. They can wear many masks and they can have tricks up their sleeves that you might never have imagined. Many stories and articles are written about people who were married to a narcissist or have narcissistic family members or friends that they didn't come to understand for years, sometimes decades. Some folks I know who are on the spectrum are nothing like that, with dark whitty senses of humour and won't hesitate to set you in your place. lol

The only thing that I can honestly say about helping someone identify folks with NPD if they don't tell you themselves or maybe don't know it themselves, is simply - your gut feel. The false self is presented. Especially if you're a sensitive-type person, you listen to yourself and pay attention to your deep inner feelings, and it's amazing how many times it's right. Something might not feel quite right, maybe a little twitchy feeling, something might feel just a little out of place, might feel like a piece of the puzzle is missing, something might just irk you or nag a wee bit at the back of your brain - if that makes any sense!?! Lol This may or may not happen immediately, but always seems to happen as more and more time passes. I'm sure folks will often tell people to listen to their guts anyways, so it's best to do anyways in all situations.

Hopefully that's helpful in some form for folks? I myself am always learning more and more about myself and my community around me, so take my experiences with a grain of salt.
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Old 05-12-2017, 10:28 AM   #83
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Originally Posted by SoulSurvivor View Post
Hi all - there's interesting discussion. I'm not on the NPD spectrum, but am on the flip side of the coin as a (recovering) co-dependent. Just like Echo and Narcissus, the narcissists from my past and myself fit together perfectly.

As a non N, and relationship and friendship partner of many folks on the NPD spectrum, I can offer a slightly different point of view that hopefully is helpful?

Speaking from my experience and learnings/professional help, ladies and gentlemen can lie anywhere along a wide spectrum. We all have some narcissitic tendencies of course. Some folks have a kind of "healthy" narcissism, some might be further along with a bit of "unhealthy" narcissism which doesn't mean that they necessarily affect anyone else besides themselves or sometimes they do, some folks display a large spectrum of BPD symptoms, some folks would call themselves a narcissist or BPD demonstrating the symptoms described in the most current DSM, some may be further along and lean towards malignant and/or sadistic narcissism and then others go all the way toward the sociopath side.

Some folks affect others and may use them, and some do not. Some function on a higher level and some on a lower level. Some are more aware of themselves and some have buried things very very deeply and may not always be consciously aware. Some are covert and some are overt. Some are quiet and some are bubbly and charismatic. Some hurt others on purpose which gives them enjoyment and others do not at all. Some people may misuse or overuse the term as well. There's just such a diversity, and it's even more complex because we're all individuals and cannot simply be pigeon holed and categorized so simply.

My experiences have led me to believe that in no way does narcissist/NPD=bad or evil person. I have never observed an automatic correlation, and I do believe the name unduly gets a bad rap from the get-go. Just as we all suffer with our own maladies, so do the NPD folks, from my experiences. Kind of like a coping mechanism because of difficulties from their family of origin or perhaps some trauma or abuse. I feel closely related in that sense as a co-dependent who went through the same thing but adopted a different unhealthy coping mechanism....

I suspect, as always, wether someone has an identified mental illness or not, if they are harming you or others in any way, you must take care of yourself and those in need of your help first. That's really not something that only applies with NPD folks because not everyone hurts others, and other mental illnesses and folks without an identified mental illness can do the same. Therefore, in my experience, that's not a clear identifier of a narcissist.

The folks I was with who ended up being the most severe and malignant narcissists were often covert and very hard to identify, especially for folks without prior experience. They can wear many masks and they can have tricks up their sleeves that you might never have imagined. Many stories and articles are written about people who were married to a narcissist or have narcissistic family members or friends that they didn't come to understand for years, sometimes decades. Some folks I know who are on the spectrum are nothing like that, with dark whitty senses of humour and won't hesitate to set you in your place. lol

The only thing that I can honestly say about helping someone identify folks with NPD if they don't tell you themselves or maybe don't know it themselves, is simply - your gut feel. The false self is presented. Especially if you're a sensitive-type person, you listen to yourself and pay attention to your deep inner feelings, and it's amazing how many times it's right. Something might not feel quite right, maybe a little twitchy feeling, something might feel just a little out of place, might feel like a piece of the puzzle is missing, something might just irk you or nag a wee bit at the back of your brain - if that makes any sense!?! Lol This may or may not happen immediately, but always seems to happen as more and more time passes. I'm sure folks will often tell people to listen to their guts anyways, so it's best to do anyways in all situations.

Hopefully that's helpful in some form for folks? I myself am always learning more and more about myself and my community around me, so take my experiences with a grain of salt.
Well said!!
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Old 05-12-2017, 12:07 PM   #84
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. . .
The folks I was with who ended up being the most severe and malignant narcissists were often covert and very hard to identify, especially for folks without prior experience. They can wear many masks and they can have tricks up their sleeves that you might never have imagined. Many stories and articles are written about people who were married to a narcissist or have narcissistic family members or friends that they didn't come to understand for years, sometimes decades. Some folks I know who are on the spectrum are nothing like that, with dark whitty senses of humour and won't hesitate to set you in your place. lol

The only thing that I can honestly say about helping someone identify folks with NPD if they don't tell you themselves or maybe don't know it themselves, is simply - your gut feel. The false self is presented. Especially if you're a sensitive-type person, you listen to yourself and pay attention to your deep inner feelings, and it's amazing how many times it's right. Something might not feel quite right, maybe a little twitchy feeling, something might feel just a little out of place, might feel like a piece of the puzzle is missing, something might just irk you or nag a wee bit at the back of your brain - if that makes any sense!?!
I tend to be more codependent/idealistic, too, though I could feel an NPD-ish aspect to myself before I became more fully aware of it.

I agree that the most severe and malignant are the covert types -- like my mother, grandmother, and aunts and myself to a certain extent. Even if it's not full-blown NPD, the way people defend against and retaliate against hits to their ego is much more insidious, to me, when it's covert.

I also agree about the importance of the gut feel. I "needed" to numb mine out as a child, so I didn't clue my female family members into the fact that I didn't trust them, which would have been an offense to their (caretaker) ego, which would have been "bad" for me -- meaning, I guess, that they would dump "bad"/shame on me. None of this very conscious for them, I believe. Still hurtful.

My father likely had full-blown NPD but it was NOT covert. Lots of things about him were problematic but never so hurtful and confusing as what I got from the others. Again, I also believe there is wide variation in how people with NPD behave and interact with others that I don't see the literature taking into account.
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Old 07-10-2017, 06:00 AM   #85
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Im living with a narcissistic boyfriend and it has destroyed me. It feels like im going crazy and i know im not. Im so very frazzled from his mental abuse. Please help
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Old 09-06-2017, 07:38 AM   #86
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Is it just me, or do a lot more people exhibit narcissism in the world, than other personality disorders? It looks to me like its the most talked about personality disorder...
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Old 09-06-2017, 07:13 PM   #87
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Im living with a narcissistic boyfriend and it has destroyed me. It feels like im going crazy and i know im not. Im so very frazzled from his mental abuse. Please help

A few things I need to find out:

1) Is he cheating on you and lying a lot?
2) How soon after your relationship began, did you decide to move in with him, or him you?
3) And lastly, do your friends and family generally approve of him?

I have lived with a narcissistic girl friend before. Nasty piece of work she. Certified liar
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Old 09-06-2017, 07:45 PM   #88
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I am having such a hard time with the lack of empathy thing. I keep praying he will see how he has and is hurting me and regret it or show me some remorse. Anything...just show me something other than a cold callously sometimes psychopathic person..
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Old 09-06-2017, 08:29 PM   #89
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My experiences have led me to believe that in no way does narcissist/NPD=bad or evil person. Just as we all suffer with our own maladies, so do the NPD folks, from my experiences. Kind of like a coping mechanism because of difficulties from their family of origin or perhaps some trauma or abuse.

Many stories and articles are written about people who were married to a narcissist or have narcissistic family members or friends that they didn't come to understand for years, sometimes decades.

The only thing that I can honestly say about helping someone identify folks with NPD if they don't tell you themselves or maybe don't know it themselves, is simply - your gut feel.
I have been hesitant to talk about this here but this is my struggle right now. When I am honest to the person I am in a struggle with about things that have been done that don't feel right--I am told I only feel this way because I have the mental problem. We both have problems. I didn't understand what was going on for decades. I only became interested in pyschological things after my attempt. Work and children has always been both of our focuses--
not worrying about our emotions or feelings. Having not dealt with or understood our issues and, more seriously, the fact that this person feels like the problems in our family are totally the result of my MI makes me unhopeful about our situation. I have been in crisis for days and days but am keeping it together (will not make a stupid move again) because there are many in my life I will never abandon. Not even sure I can abandon the narcissist (I hate this word ). It tears me apart. I would be dead if he hadn't called 911 when he found me.

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Old 09-15-2017, 01:29 PM   #90
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what would be the first clue that someone might have this disorder? Is it their obvious charm or their less obvious desire to manipulate and control you... (or something else entirely?) How can I recognize people who have this disorder before I get taken again as I have been before?
Do you always end up with a narcissist? That being the case, perhaps you may have codependency issues which you need to see a specialist for. Maybe.

At any rate, narcissists seem to have one thing in common regardless of race, gender, or creed; They dont respect people's boundaries. Do not allow anyone to rush intimacy with you, no matter how charming they may be.
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