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Old 05-12-2009, 09:52 PM   #21
pinwheel27
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That's my daughter, but it could be other things also. We have been going through this since she was a young child, and she is 42 now. I feel for you, and her family. My daughter has used everyone in the family, and has no where else to go now.

You mention it could be other things also...like what, if I may ask?
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Old 05-14-2009, 03:24 AM   #22
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I'm hesitant to get involved when I read posts wanting to label someone with narcissistic disorder. Especially reading such comments as having to deal with it since they were a child, makes me think, can a child be born narcissistic? I mean apart from the normal state of narcissism we are born into? I wonder at times if perhaps the pattern is continuing into the child's adulthood? The family only seeing the child as "using" the rest of the family when infarct a child will of course need to "use" family as thats what children do until they mature and learn that others are people too, but to expect that from a child, well is pretty near-sighted and narcissistic in itself? Perhaps if there was real genuine family concern, one perhaps would want to look at ways to help the family member rather than just label them? Or are they at a stage where they themselves don't know what to do, are unable to think through any more? Or where they always at a stage where they were tired of the family members wants and needs and didn't want to even begin to think through issues with the family member as they arose? I get the impression a lot of people want to be thrown the narcissistic label like a life belt and then they can claim "victim status" and fill secure in their own minds they were the ones being done too and not the ones that did too also? Perhaps we all in this together and more compassion and understanding may change the pattern that I see repeated often. Of course this are only my own personal feelings on the matter, some who have a genuine interest in wanting to understand another may agree, or others that have no real altruistic desire will just dismiss all of what I say, because it suits them for it to be like that.
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Old 05-14-2009, 06:18 AM   #23
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In our case, it was figured out at her age of 42 years old. Our son was nothing like this and was a victim. I understand what you are saying and what it may look like, but this is not the case. There were professionals involved many years back. By other problems, I meant maybe medical that could cause bad behaviour. Hormones, diabetic, many others.
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Old 05-14-2009, 06:30 AM   #24
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years old. Our son was nothing like this and was a victim.
Perhaps theres a clue there? We are each individuals and our behaviour as children can be "scripted"? I hope you find whatever it is you are looking for, and I hope your daughter also recieves the help she needs, but alas some people are so badly disturbed that the help is never accepted, as trust has been badly eroded over the yrs, Fortunately for me, I recieved the help and insight and compassion that was needed.
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Old 05-14-2009, 09:19 PM   #25
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With my situation, my neice grew up in a different part of the US and just recently I have the opportunity to get to know her. Within a few months I noticed a personality disorder and started to do research to which lead me to this site. I and not familiar with personality disorders nor know who to talk to so I can see if I can get help for my neice. Just seeing what I have seen in the past, I just know I would have to have all the facts, and find the right words to tell her that I would like to help her without getting into a fight.
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Old 05-18-2009, 05:48 AM   #26
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I don't think any of us has the perfect answer. Certain personality disorders can certainly make life miserable for the person who has the disorder, and their families. We all just have to do the best we can.
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Old 05-28-2009, 10:32 PM   #27
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Honestly, I do not remember meeting anyone with this kind of personality. Yes there are many different type of personalities out there. We see these personalities at work, shopping, almost anywhere. We learn how to talk, or work, to get along with others. I am not trying to 'label' my neice. What I am trying to do is to see or find forum or a site that can help me , or guide me in a direction of where I might get help for her. Of course without any fights with her. In some ways, I am afraid of her, but mostly I am afraid for her (hope that makes sence).
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Old 05-30-2009, 06:45 AM   #28
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I am also afraid for my daughter, but she is 42, and I can no longer run to her house 40 minutes away every time she gets in trouble. It only makes me miserable and things never change. She now has a bachelors degree in social work. A couple of weeks ago she told her Mennonite friend that she was not going to work because she would have to pay back her student loans. She would just take more classes to avoid paying the money. The story of her life!! At this age, she has never worked long enough at a job to get insurance because she can't get along with anyone. She is begging food off of this friend already for the summer. This week, I cut off my relationship with this Mennonite lady because my daughter is using her to tell me what is going on. I like her, but I don't need to hear any more nasties about my daughter. The last thing she did was end up with about 1,000. dollars worth of things from and elderly persons house near her. The whole Mennonite community is buzzing about it where she lives. By cutting off with this woman, I won't hear about it any more. One day my daughter will end up in jail doing this. I hate it!!!
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Old 06-01-2009, 05:55 PM   #29
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Honestly, I do not remember meeting anyone with this kind of personality. Yes there are many different type of personalities out there. We see these personalities at work, shopping, almost anywhere. We learn how to talk, or work, to get along with others. I am not trying to 'label' my neice. What I am trying to do is to see or find forum or a site that can help me , or guide me in a direction of where I might get help for her. Of course without any fights with her. In some ways, I am afraid of her, but mostly I am afraid for her (hope that makes sence).
With NPD, there are numerous forms of it, not only the classical one of someone being very grandiose. I myself have both NPD and APD, however, I'm not about appearing flashy to others, getting others' approval for whatever I do. I couldn't care less about that, I'm more about gaining power, control, manipulation, etc..., or perhaps that's just the APD speaking. I'm not sure entirely.

Chances are you've met people with NPD, APD, etc... already however it's not blatantly visible all the time as though they have a nametag saying "Hello, I'm [name] with [disorder(s)]".

If you want information about NPD, you can read up on some books (I wouldn't suggest Vaknin but that's my opinion), ask here or on other forums.
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Old 06-08-2009, 03:04 AM   #30
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My father is a narcissist. We have not spoken in almost two years now! He does call and leave messages, as well as texts, but I delete them right away and have never tried to contact him except to gain access to a lock box at a bank that had my possessions in it.

I remember all too well the smiling whenever he made me furious....I could not understand why my own father would enjoy making me so angry! He also stole all of my money for college- turns out he's never paid for anything in his life. Up until I was eight years old, his mother was supporting him financially, and after that he was borrowing money or my mom was working. She died when I was thirteen, and he took everything he could right before kicking me out of the house.

I had run away several times before, but he had always used his manipulating techniques to control me, even when I was away. I decided to stick it out until college. But one month before I began school, he "kicked me out." I had never been so grateful in all of my life.

It was very sad though, and still is, to know that I am not loved by him. Why did he choose to give me up?

He tried to make ammends, but I told him I wouldn't have anything to do with him until he sought help from a professional. He refused.
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