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Old 06-04-2018, 08:35 AM   #1
TishaBuv
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Angry Mom Ruined Trip

I think NPD is where this goes...

Mom ruined my trip.

I planned a trip out to see my sister and her kids this summer.

This is such a complex,long story, I canít even type it.

Long story short, there was a showdown between Mom and I over her coming along anyway, even though I told her I donít want her to and I refuse to take her. She yet again told me yesterday that she is coming. So I am canceling my trip.

It ended badly with me telling her Iíd never speak to her again. Not the first time. Will it be the last?

But I decided to call her and say that I forgive her due to her being mentally ill for having done this to me. Of course, this will instigate further war.

What shouldI do? Iím definitely canceling the trip because she made it all about her. Even if I go (with my two kids who were really looking forward to this), it has such a damper on it. Iíll obsess and feeel guilty. Canít enjoy it.
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Old 06-04-2018, 08:50 AM   #2
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Default Re: Mom Ruined Trip

On second thought, how about I go anyway and even post the pictures on fb? Why should I give her this much importance?
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Old 07-08-2018, 11:52 AM   #3
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Default Re: Mom Ruined Trip

We went on the trip without Mom. The family did post pictures on fb, lol. Sheís seething with hatred and jealousy. Too fín bad, Mom. Now I keep her at a polite distance. No more of our former relationship. All we have is a phone call every few days from me to her, brief, polite life update...ask how she is...she doesnít even go into it now that she hates me so much. She just grumbles for a second or two. She is in a living hell of her own making, spending her final days in pain and miserable. Such a beautiful, intelligent, funny, great woman... it kills me to see this, and it scared the crap out of me that this will be me, following in her footsteps because I AM HER.
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Old 07-12-2018, 05:03 PM   #4
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Default Re: Mom Ruined Trip

No, you are not her. You may have characteristics that are like her, that you (unconsciously) copied from her -- how could you not, you were a child? And she had been, too. And now with probably not enough knowledge or time now for her to get out of the mess. Sucks.

But maybe you can repair some of the damage that happened to you because of the way things were? It's not over till it's over.
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Old 08-31-2018, 05:22 PM   #5
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Default Re: Mom Ruined Trip

My mom is quite narcissistic - she likes to play the martyr and she's extremely negative and judgmental of others. My strategies are to limit my time with her and to try not to let her get to me - to stay aloof.

I feel your pain!!
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Old 09-10-2018, 04:31 PM   #6
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Confused Re: Mom Ruined Trip

Sorry, this is quite a long post. I've experienced similar event recently. My mother took over my birthday meal, talking about her "depression". Then announced how much she'd enjoyed the day!

For years it's been all about her. Okay, she was widowed young, with two children to bring up solo, then made a poor choice for second marriage. In dedicating her life to him, she lost sight of her children's needs. My brother has taken this in his stride, he's more laid back than me. Thought I'd finally found "the one", then he let me down. He gave me some good advice though, to walk away from the bad relationship with my mother, as he did with his.

I've stuck at it, goodness knows why! List of disagreements and conflict goes back years. Of course, it's got worse as she's got older. Getting involved with her neighbour is latest problem. She dedicated herself to him too. She thought they were an "item", he didn't share that feeling, as he was already looking to move on after a few months. He also had a drink problem which contributed to his dementia. When I expressed my opinion, about letting go, I've been insulted. This has also happened randomly in public. I recently lost my job, so have been taking her to medical appointments and shopping. Okay, she's said thank you and paid for petrol, but the emotional blackmail continues. I only have to breathe heavier than usual and I'm disinterested in what she's saying. We have to go over a topic many times; when I give a solution, I'm being difficult. The list goes on.......

If I talk to my brother, he will just tell her what I've said. My aunt wanted her to maintain contact with the neighbour. My mother is now claiming she doesn't remember saying all these bad things to me, attributing it to old age. Just wanted to get this off my chest!
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Old 09-11-2018, 03:32 PM   #7
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Default Re: Mom Ruined Trip

Iím sorry you are dealing with a difficult mother too. Welcome to PC!

Things have been good with my mom lately because I balance a fine line of being a little close but keeping far enough away and not fighting with her, ignoring when she pushes my buttons.
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Old 09-11-2018, 09:07 PM   #8
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Default Re: Mom Ruined Trip

If at this stage your mom isnít going, then why not go?
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Old 09-12-2018, 11:46 AM   #9
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Default Re: Mom Ruined Trip

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hannah86 View Post
If at this stage your mom isnít going, then why not go?
When she originally said she was going anyway, I was going to cancel because once she ďruinedĒ it for me, it takes all the pleasure out of it. But my kids wanted to go. So we did go, and had a great time.

Momís a piece of work to have said she was going anyway. I had to tell her that if she did, I refuse to drive her anywhere in my rental car and sheís completely on her own. Then my sister, who was the real reason mom wanted to go to see, said that Mom could sleep on her couch. That was not to my motherís liking, and my sister discouraged her from coming and did not offer her better accommodations or to pay for anything because she did not want her to come. She has worse issues with our mother than I do!

And as usual, Mom acted like nothing ever happened and never brought this up again.
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