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Old 01-31-2018, 11:30 AM   #1
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Default So self-controlled

Please do not tell me to have "no contact" with my ex-husband, a narcissist. I am doing well, every so often (not frequently) I send a short email (pleasant one) to my ex. He cannot regulate himself at all from his desires, overeating is one, curiousity is another Yet he Never replies to my emails. He does not want to show off to me. He knows my daughter(from another marriage) is getting married but there is no way he could know when and he does not try to find out.

Why such self-control and consistency With Me? We have been apart for two years. Thanks.
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Old 02-09-2018, 03:39 PM   #2
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I'm sorry I can't give you any definitive insight into this situation. However I noticed no one had replied to your post. So I thought I would.

My limited understanding of narcissism is that, for a narcissist, everything is about them. They believe they, & their needs, are of primary importance. Plus they lack empathy. You & your ex are divorced. So there's nothing about your relationship that is going to result in any payoff for your ex. Likewise, your daughter is from another marriage. So there's really no payoff for your ex there either. Consequently there is nothing for your ex to gain as a result of answering your e-mails. At least that would be my "take" on the situation.

Here are links to 3 articles from PsychCentral's archives on the subject of narcissism that may be of some interest:
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Old 02-23-2018, 11:39 AM   #3
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Default Re: So self-controlled

He is ignoring you because he knows on some level that it bothers you, and that the more he ignores you the more likely you are to continue the cycle you're in with him.

Ignoring someone like he's ignoring you is a great way to drive them nuts, speaking as a narcissist here. If I want to control someone, if I pretend they don't exist they're inevitably going to start wondering what they did wrong and why I'm suddenly acting so cold and seemingly controlled to the point of being clinical around them and no one else that they are aware of. They'll also wonder how to get me to stop ignoring them, if they're someone I've known for awhile.

Intermittent levels of attention and indifference is an extremely effective method of control that's also quite covert.
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