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Unread 12-31-2016, 08:24 PM   #1
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Default My wife teases me sexually

I'm trying to figure out how to ask this question without it becoming about sex and ex expectations so here it goes.

My wife and I have a pretty good sex life but I've noticed lately that she teases me without having sex. Today she was changing after taking a shower and when I walked in she turned around and started rubbing her body on me. When I recommended that we close the door and have a quickie. She just laughter and shrugged it off.

What bothers me about this is that I tend to get upset and take this as a sign of her not loving me. A part of me know that's it's not true but I take it very personal. Any advice on how to accept that just because her teasing me gets me in the mood doesn't mean she's in the mood for sex?
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Unread 01-01-2017, 05:38 PM   #2
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Hello worrist: My thinking here is that this is really a communications problem. Somehow you & your wife are not managing to communicate your interests & needs. From my perspective this is not a matter of you learning to accept that your wife is going to tease you & you need to learn to accept it. Somehow there needs to be a way for your wife to express why it is she's doing what she's doing & for you to express what her teasing is doing to you. If the two of you can do that informally... great! But if not perhaps some time spent with a marriage counselor is in order.

Beyond that, what I can suggest is the Buddhist practice of "compassionate abiding". This involves simply allowing intrusive thoughts (or in this case the feelings your wife's teasing creates) to come forward... breathing into them... perhaps even smiling to them. Sometimes I will even place my hand over my heart as a sign of lovingkindness & compassion for them. After a few breaths, I then drop the "story line" & simply continue to stay with the underlying emotion... be it fear, anxiety, grief or whatever... in this case perhaps the sexual excitement & frustration you experience.

Two things happen when we employ this practice. First, very gradually over time, the strength & frequency of intrusive thoughts wanes. But second, & perhaps more important, is that we learn we can stay with difficult thoughts & emotions without losing our balance... our equanimity. Here is a link to a mental-health-oriented description of the practice of compassionate abiding:

https://mindsetdoc.wordpress.com/201...e-abiding-101/

May it be of benefit.
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Unread 01-02-2017, 10:00 PM   #3
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Default Re: My wife teases me sexually

Thanks for the link.
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Unread 01-25-2017, 04:16 PM   #4
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Default Re: My wife teases me sexually

IDEALISM, the great deception. Expectation is the twin brother of despair.
Expectation is the root of all heartache.
William Shakespeare





Minimize your expectations: (( reduce their number and their size.))


Don't believe everything you think.

when my ex did this I noted her behavior and the time and her schedule. If i or she had some place to be, I would ask myself; does she expect me to risk my job over this? Is she avoiding going to something because of anxiety.? What is the background noise going on (in her own head).
Try working more romance into your lives, sounds to me like you got off track. Women, well, some, like the allure of the romantic presence and fragrance in their life.

Her behavior is becoming more typically aggressive and typically male, so introduce your feminine side and bring it on, show some romantic innovation and ingenuity.

Sandworm

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Unread 03-08-2017, 10:46 PM   #5
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Default Re: My wife teases me sexually

I don't think it's okay for her to do this. This is foreplay and if she said after I do this or that okay but women can be rude they no how hard no joke intended it is for a man to just shut it down definitely communicate how you feel too her
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Unread 04-16-2017, 09:55 AM   #6
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Default Re: My wife teases me sexually

One other thought is the % of the behavior in question? Not every squeeze, hug, or flirt has to end up 'baby making'.

Maybe you could join with behavior in kind? That doesn't necessarily mean trying the same with her, men are wired differently. Without going into the details, keep her off guard verbally. There are a whole host of areas that you could delve into. Yeah, with some she may start thinking, 'you've lost it'.

Good luck.
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