Psych Central

Go Back   Forums at Psych Central > Health & Other Support > Men-Focused Support



advertisement
Reply
Thread Tools Display Modes
Unread 12-31-2016, 08:24 PM   #1
Member
 
worrist's Avatar
worrist has no updates.
 
Member Since: Dec 2016
Location: Cedar Park
Posts: 67
My Mood:

4 hugs
given
Default My wife teases me sexually

I'm trying to figure out how to ask this question without it becoming about sex and ex expectations so here it goes.

My wife and I have a pretty good sex life but I've noticed lately that she teases me without having sex. Today she was changing after taking a shower and when I walked in she turned around and started rubbing her body on me. When I recommended that we close the door and have a quickie. She just laughter and shrugged it off.

What bothers me about this is that I tend to get upset and take this as a sign of her not loving me. A part of me know that's it's not true but I take it very personal. Any advice on how to accept that just because her teasing me gets me in the mood doesn't mean she's in the mood for sex?
__________________
Tryin' to live the dream!
worrist is offline   Reply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Hugs from:

advertisement
Unread 01-01-2017, 05:38 PM   #2
Wise Old Troll
 
Skeezyks's Avatar
Skeezyks has no updates.
 
Member Since: Oct 2015
Location: The Minne-apple
Posts: 11,694 (SuperPoster!)
My Mood:

7,681 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Smile Re: My wife teases me sexually

Hello worrist: My thinking here is that this is really a communications problem. Somehow you & your wife are not managing to communicate your interests & needs. From my perspective this is not a matter of you learning to accept that your wife is going to tease you & you need to learn to accept it. Somehow there needs to be a way for your wife to express why it is she's doing what she's doing & for you to express what her teasing is doing to you. If the two of you can do that informally... great! But if not perhaps some time spent with a marriage counselor is in order.

Beyond that, what I can suggest is the Buddhist practice of "compassionate abiding". This involves simply allowing intrusive thoughts (or in this case the feelings your wife's teasing creates) to come forward... breathing into them... perhaps even smiling to them. Sometimes I will even place my hand over my heart as a sign of lovingkindness & compassion for them. After a few breaths, I then drop the "story line" & simply continue to stay with the underlying emotion... be it fear, anxiety, grief or whatever... in this case perhaps the sexual excitement & frustration you experience.

Two things happen when we employ this practice. First, very gradually over time, the strength & frequency of intrusive thoughts wanes. But second, & perhaps more important, is that we learn we can stay with difficult thoughts & emotions without losing our balance... our equanimity. Here is a link to a mental-health-oriented description of the practice of compassionate abiding:

https://mindsetdoc.wordpress.com/201...e-abiding-101/

May it be of benefit.
Skeezyks is online now   Reply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Unread 01-02-2017, 10:00 PM   #3
Member
 
worrist's Avatar
worrist has no updates.
 
Member Since: Dec 2016
Location: Cedar Park
Posts: 67
My Mood:

4 hugs
given
Default Re: My wife teases me sexually

Thanks for the link.
__________________
Tryin' to live the dream!
worrist is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 01-25-2017, 04:16 PM   #4
Member
 
sandworm's Avatar
sandworm has no updates.
 
Member Since: Jul 2011
Location: California, grateful American
Posts: 307
My Mood:

5 yr Member
14 hugs
given
Default Re: My wife teases me sexually

IDEALISM, the great deception. Expectation is the twin brother of despair.
Expectation is the root of all heartache.
William Shakespeare





Minimize your expectations: (( reduce their number and their size.))


Don't believe everything you think.

when my ex did this I noted her behavior and the time and her schedule. If i or she had some place to be, I would ask myself; does she expect me to risk my job over this? Is she avoiding going to something because of anxiety.? What is the background noise going on (in her own head).
Try working more romance into your lives, sounds to me like you got off track. Women, well, some, like the allure of the romantic presence and fragrance in their life.

Her behavior is becoming more typically aggressive and typically male, so introduce your feminine side and bring it on, show some romantic innovation and ingenuity.

Sandworm

__________________
As Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, "I hate quotations.", and yes, *that* is a direct quote.
sandworm is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 03-08-2017, 10:46 PM   #5
Veteran Member
eyesclosed has no updates.
 
Member Since: Sep 2016
Location: WI
Posts: 728 (SuperPoster!)
My Mood:

203 hugs
given
Default Re: My wife teases me sexually

I don't think it's okay for her to do this. This is foreplay and if she said after I do this or that okay but women can be rude they no how hard no joke intended it is for a man to just shut it down definitely communicate how you feel too her
eyesclosed is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 04-16-2017, 09:55 AM   #6
Grand Member
 
COguy's Avatar
COguy has no updates.
 
Member Since: Mar 2017
Location: Denver
Posts: 999 (SuperPoster!)
My Mood:

53 hugs
given
Default Re: My wife teases me sexually

One other thought is the % of the behavior in question? Not every squeeze, hug, or flirt has to end up 'baby making'.

Maybe you could join with behavior in kind? That doesn't necessarily mean trying the same with her, men are wired differently. Without going into the details, keep her off guard verbally. There are a whole host of areas that you could delve into. Yeah, with some she may start thinking, 'you've lost it'.

Good luck.
COguy is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 05-14-2017, 12:14 PM   #7
Member
always_why has no updates.
 
Member Since: May 2017
Location: Kalifornia
Posts: 71
My Mood:

7 hugs
given
Default Re: My wife teases me sexually

Quote:
Originally Posted by worrist View Post
I'm trying to figure out how to ask this question without it becoming about sex and ex expectations so here it goes.

My wife and I have a pretty good sex life but I've noticed lately that she teases me without having sex. Today she was changing after taking a shower and when I walked in she turned around and started rubbing her body on me. When I recommended that we close the door and have a quickie. She just laughter and shrugged it off.

What bothers me about this is that I tend to get upset and take this as a sign of her not loving me. A part of me know that's it's not true but I take it very personal. Any advice on how to accept that just because her teasing me gets me in the mood doesn't mean she's in the mood for sex?
What's sex?
always_why is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 06-03-2017, 06:17 AM   #8
Member
 
continuosly blue's Avatar
continuosly blue has no updates.
 
Member Since: Oct 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 325
My Mood:

5 yr Member
40 hugs
given
Default Re: My wife teases me sexually

I just went through a big argument over this very topic. I would complain that we never "cuddle" or have more innocent physical contact. She complains that whenever she tries to do that I always want to go further. She knows damn well when I "need " to do more than cuddling! Does she ever comply ? No. In short , I believe that this is a subject that needs to be brought out in couples counseling. We both need to know each other's needs, wants , desires , true feelings, etc... It's unfortunate that we can't have an adult conversation about this.
__________________
Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

*Disclaimer * Anything I have posted is strictly my own personal opinion or experience , and is in no way, shape, or form
meant to portray a professional assesment of any kind.
CB
continuosly blue is offline   Reply With Quote
Unread 06-03-2017, 08:51 AM   #9
Member
 
RubyRae's Avatar
RubyRae has no updates.
 
Member Since: Apr 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 269 (SuperPoster!)
149 hugs
given
Default Re: My wife teases me sexually

Maybe I'm not supposed to post here since I'm a female?If not,I apologize.

I tease my husband at times I know we will not be able to have sex,such as before he's leaving for work,when I know he has a scheduled appointment,etc.I also sometimes tease him and then tell him no when he wants to have sex,I will tell him maybe later or I will tell him I will just give him a hand job instead.

Why do I do these things?It's not to be cruel or unkind at all.I like to build up the excitement,the anticipation of having sex.I am definitely hot and turned on when I'm teasing and I want him to feel that way too.I want him to think about me while he's at work,while he's at his appointment or whatever.I want him to want me.I want him to come home and tell me I was all he could think about while he was gone,tell me how much he wants me,needs me,etc.

Sometimes delaying gratification is a nice change rather than the same old routine.Sometimes it's nice to be pursued,lusted after.

When I tease and he goes to work,I spend all day thinking about him,what I want to do to him when he gets home.By the time he does get home I am so hot and ready for him that the sex is wild and intense.

So there ya go.Maybe not all women and wives tease because it heightens pleasure,maybe some just really are cruel but don't assume they're being cruel and maybe try enjoying it and playing along and maybe even try teasing her sometimes.It can sure make everything more hot and intense.
RubyRae is offline   Reply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
Unread 06-03-2017, 08:55 AM   #10
Member
 
RubyRae's Avatar
RubyRae has no updates.
 
Member Since: Apr 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 269 (SuperPoster!)
149 hugs
given
Default Re: My wife teases me sexually

Just saw that the sticky says "no women posting".Sorry,please mods,feel free to remove my post.
RubyRae is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 03:48 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2017, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.

advertisement

 

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice,
diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.
Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.

 

HomeAbout UsContact UsPrivacy PolicyTerms of UseDisclaimer
Forums HomeCommunity GuidelinesHelp

Helplines and Lifelines