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Old 12-31-2018, 08:51 PM   #1
LiteraryLark
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Unhappy I'm Sending Out an Apology

I've never been terrific at online support, and it's come to my attention tonight that I still have a lot to learn about online etiquette. I come to PC, as I have been for almost 10 years, to improve on many aspects of myself, be it mental health, relationships, etc. I have my own expectations on how I'd like to receive support, which is to be truthful and honest even if it must be brutally honest. It wasn't until after I lost my home in the wildfires that I've grown to love the hugs and the kind of support that can only come from PC, the kind that makes you smile and giggle, especially when it comes from a member who seems to be rooting for you no matter what pickle you're in...I do have some special PC member friends and I am working on making everyone on PC my friend.

I do not have an ounce of malicious intent in my advice-giving. I am brutally honest in my advice-giving because I expect the same. You have every right to hurt my feelings if it means I realize something I never thought I would otherwise about a situation. I do not like sugarcoating. I do not like being told something just because it is what I want to hear. I try to give advice that is objective, looking at all angles. I've learned that this is either unwanted or I am not going about it the right way. For that I am sorry. Every so often I'll be in the mood to share my thoughts and opinion about someone asking for advice, and when I do I get shut down with someone taking offense by what I say. I am not naming or referencing one person because I've had a track record of this, and I do not know how to fix this. Do people not want me to be honest, or do they not want to hear an honest opinion, that they're fishing for a certain reaction they'd be happy with? It may be both.

But I apologize to everyone on PC for my lack of tact in what I post. It is something I am working on and something I hope to improve on. Not everyone can be pleased, but my goal is to be that person that people can go to and count on for giving solid advice and support. I hate to be that person no one wants to talk to. It's heartbreaking to have to weed through people I can or can't post on. I want a fresh start, and more than anything I want to apologize.
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Old 12-31-2018, 09:09 PM   #2
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I haven't noticed your lack of tact, but maybe some people perceive it that way. I'm glad you're here.
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Old 12-31-2018, 09:14 PM   #3
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Hi, honey, I am so sorry to hear you are hurting! Good for you for getting it out of your system!
Giving advice is so tricky to do; I struggle with what to say myself. All of us are in different places on our journey, and what helps me might not help you or anyone else. Each perspective is different and unique to that person.

I don't know if I am helping you or not. I hope so because I care about you. I had a thought: what about reading up on assertiveness and learning good communication skills?

I can be blunt myself, so I have to go back and read through the assertiveness information to get myself back on track.
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Old 12-31-2018, 09:18 PM   #4
LiteraryLark
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Travelinglady View Post
I haven't noticed your lack of tact, but maybe some people perceive it that way. I'm glad you're here.
Thank you, I enjoyed your Christmas threads. They were a lot of fun to participate in, it was a first for me.
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Old 12-31-2018, 09:18 PM   #5
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Hi, honey, I am so sorry to hear you are hurting! Good for you for getting it out of your system!
Giving advice is so tricky to do; I struggle with what to say myself. All of us are in different places on our journey, and what helps me might not help you or anyone else. Each perspective is different and unique to that person.

I don't know if I am helping you or not. I hope so because I care about you. I had a thought: what about reading up on assertiveness and learning good communication skills?

I can be blunt myself, so I have to go back and read through the assertiveness information to get myself back on track.
Thank you, I wouldn't know where to begin!
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Old 12-31-2018, 09:37 PM   #6
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LL,
You've got nothing to be shutdown about. Your really good on the inside and I've seen that. Chill, you rock
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Old 12-31-2018, 10:10 PM   #7
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Lark, I haven't been here much today so I don't know if I missed something. I have not seen anything from you lately that came across as negative or hurtful. Way back several years ago, some of your posts struck me as not being as diplomatic as they could be. But you've grown a ton since those days.

Whatever's happened please stay with us. You would be missed. Can you treat what happened as a learning experience?

came back to add...

I pulled up some of your recent posts. There are a couple related to dating and s person's sexual preferences that were rather short, but not inappropriate. Also noticed you've been struggling with SI recently. Are you okay?
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Last edited by lizardlady; 12-31-2018 at 11:07 PM..
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Old 12-31-2018, 11:01 PM   #8
LiteraryLark
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Lark, I haven't been here much today so I don't know if I missed something. I have not seen anything from you lately that came across as negative or hurtful. Way back several years ago, some of your posts struck me as not being as diplomatic as they could be. But you've grown an ton since those days.

Whatever's happened please stay with us. You would be missed. Can you treat what happened as a learning experience?
Yes, I will take it as a learning experience, LL.
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Old 01-01-2019, 05:11 AM   #9
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all those things are great to work towards

I've never noticed your lack of tact either.
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Old 01-01-2019, 08:56 AM   #10
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LL I personally have never had a problem with your posts

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