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Unread 08-29-2017, 02:29 AM   #1
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Last night I could no longer commit to safety. Beyond that- it was about to get real bad. Hating this, I took an Ativan, inhaled my dinner, brushed my teeth and... felt better.
Hm. Am I ok? Do I go? Will this pass?
I started getting transy. GO!!
Sooooo I get there and they keep me waiting forever. Just me in the lobby of this psych ER. I left. Screw this. I ripped the wrist band off and no one stopped me. I figured they must be packed. I didn't want to be there anyway. Maybe I could walk by the river.
'I'll take us into the river', said my head. D amn it!!! Turned around, went back. Drug myself in- they were waiting for me. Meh
Went thru the locked doors, did vitals and weight, went thru my Meds and dx with the same guy who never knows what I'm talking about and always gets my Meds wrong.
They come and hand me scrubs. This has never happened in the past- even as late as the end of May.
I said, Nope!
That started a domino effect of wait, talk, wait, talk... Consultation with doc and Soc. W. They tried to get me to say the things that would have made them out me on a hold. This isn't my first time around the block, folks.
I don't know why- in other places I have been upset by stuff like that, but never flat out refused. Something in me just wouldn't do it.
"If you're going to choose keeping your clothes over getting help, then you're obviously stronger than you think you are."
Sistah, you've no idea.... I'm DID. End of story.
I can't say coming home was easy, I'd be lying. Several things happened, but ultimately it ended up ok.

That said, to go to the next level in therapy, she said we need two things: she needs more training, resources, and consultation; and we need a safety plan for me that I will agree to and keep.
Hmmmmm
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Unread 08-31-2017, 01:16 PM   #2
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((((kiya)))) I hope things will get better soon.
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Unread 09-04-2017, 05:38 PM   #3
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(((((((( Kiya ))))))))
Thinking of you too ..
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Unread 09-15-2017, 11:29 PM   #4
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How are you, Kiya? xo
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Unread 09-18-2017, 01:08 AM   #5
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Mmmm... Ups n downs. Thx.
Surfin the SH urges. The anger. The irritation. Practicing DBT skills- some days better than others.
Monkey mind making up stories about why people are acting the way they are, even when I have no idea.
Got into it with a neighbor (long story) and I guess we are mortal enemies now.
Have therapy tomorrow and am nervous over an email i sent.
Lost time, only took a bath thinking my hair was clean... It isn't.
Inspections for HUD housing tomorrow so I get pretty freaked about shower in when people could walk in at any time (for the next 3 days).
Angry at manager.
Don't recognize myself in the mirror.
Feeling crazy.
Menopause?
HRT?
Bats hit certifiable?
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